Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Trying to distract myself
Right now, I am listening to music. I have been anxious over a television show that will air tonight at 10 pm. I gave in to my compulsions but ironically it made me feel better. As a Christian, it was not the wisest thing to do. As an ocd sufferer, I realize that it is harder to not give in. I have wondered why let the thoughts pass. I wish I had let the thoughts just pass. It would have been "painful" but at least I would not be anxious about the show or worried about the fact that I gave in to my compulsions. I do "research" to find the answers that I so seek. I have hated uncertainty for as long as I can remember. I have had obsessive thoughts for many years. I had very little problem getting anxious about what I watch on television. Nowadays, most tv shows make me nervous. Nowadays, I tend to turn, or wish to, turn the television off. I would like to just distract myself from the show and from giving in, which would be even harder. I hate that I did that. There isn't as much anxiety, but now I wonder if the obsessive thoughts will end.