Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Trying to distract myself

Right now, I am listening to music.  I have been anxious over a television show that will air tonight at 10 pm.  I gave in to my compulsions but ironically it made me feel better.  As a Christian, it was not the wisest thing to do.  As an ocd sufferer, I realize that it is harder to not give in.  I have wondered why let the thoughts pass.  I wish I had let the thoughts just pass.  It would have been "painful" but at least I would not be anxious about the show or worried about the fact that I gave in to my compulsions.  I do "research" to find the answers that I so seek.  I have hated uncertainty for as long as I can remember.  I have had obsessive thoughts for many years.  I had very little problem getting anxious about what I watch on television.  Nowadays, most tv shows make me nervous.  Nowadays, I tend to turn, or wish to, turn the television off.  I would like to just distract myself from the show and from giving in, which would be even harder.  I hate that I did that.  There isn't as much anxiety, but now I wonder if the obsessive thoughts will end.

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