Monday, March 30, 2015

Testimony and concerns

 I tend to get anxious about my entertainment choices and it doesn't make any sense. My topic of anxiety makes no sense. It seems like OCD or anything else makes any sense. I am not in a relationship. No one has ever cheated on me. I have never been divorced. I have no kids or paternity issue. I have never been cheated on. It no longer matters why I have the disorder, but I have a hard time embracing everything else. It is quite a struggle. I wonder if I will ever be cured or this. I told God how I have felt.

Right now, I am feeling better. There are times when I feel that I get better only to get worse. How do I count this issue count it all joy when there are worse things out there? Sometimes i feel guilty about having OCD and also it is as if the world is on my shoulders. My bone of contention is watching a certain tv show where one of the female characters commit infidelity with her husband's best friend. The husband knows about it. I wonder if I should continue watching what little I have watched or should I avoid it. I hate avoidance knowing that it would make the OCD worse or at least continue. I even wonder if there is such thing as a healthy avoidance or at least caution. I wish I knew all the answers. Maybe I would feel better.

I too have prayed, read, fasted for a number of reasons, cried out, and done all that I can to have this depression and anxiety taken off of me. I do attend therapy sessions and I also take medication. It helps with the bipolar but sometimes with the anxiety as well. Maybe I need to fast more, and for longer periods of time. However, I realize that I can't always depend on medication. I don't drink alcohol or smoke, but I wonder what can I drink or eat that can worsen the anxiety or depression. I am in need of prayer at this time.

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