Sunday, March 22, 2015

Television: Idolatry or Obsession

There are TV shows that I don't usually watch that I am drawn to because of the theme of infidelity. Maybe I should forego television forever.  I have obsessive thoughts sometimes with what to watch on television.  There is a show called "If Loving You is Wrong" where one of the female characters commit infidelity with her neighbor.  Her husband works and they have a distant relationship.  The wife may be pregnant by either the husband or the lover.  Here is the thing: that is all I know because I have barely watched the show.  My thoughts are out of control and I had a bad day.  I have a form of obsessive reassurance called research reassurance where I do online research on the TV show or anything that I obsess about.  It is driving me up the wall.  Reassurance supposedly takes me to a better place as far as relieving anxiety but it is a waste of time.  Other people's comments upset me for I find them judgmental and that they make no sense.  I find fiction is now making no sense.  I now wonder why most people are so caught up in fiction.  I tend to watch movies and TV shows that are safe and now I wonder if I should watch television at all.  I am a Christian and I feel like I should go by my beliefs but the word dilemma comes to mind.  Television should not be so important nor should watching television be.

I am not sure if television has become a form of idolatry or not but sometimes I rather just turn the television off.  There was a time I went that I never even had a television.  Yesterday was just a bad day.  I even checked for reassurance about infidelity committed by wives over the years.  While it seems interesting to "get into the business about others", it is a waste of time and it feeds my obsessions.  I simply cannot take the thoughts anymore.  Today is a better day because I was distracted but even when I am distracted I still have the thoughts in the back of my mind.  That is what is so frustrating.  I feel so bad that I feel like I have no power.  However, I believe that God will help me along with meds and counseling, which I engage in.  I also believe that I will be alright if not soon.  Tuesday however, will be rough because that is the show airs.  The husband is supposed to find out according to the previews and I don't want to see it but I do.  Another so-called dilemma has been created.  Maybe I place too much importance on what I watch on television.  I tend to watch television a lot because I am bored.  Wow.  I definitely need to do something else.  I have other likes and dislikes and other things that I need to address.  I don't want to see television as a dilemma.  I am not sure if I see television as a top priority but I realize that now I have obsessive thoughts about television.  I needed help, but as of right now, since I am writing this, I am beginning to feel better.

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