There are TV shows that I don't usually watch that I am drawn to because of the theme of infidelity. Maybe I should forego television forever. I have obsessive thoughts sometimes with what to watch on television. There is a show called "If Loving You is Wrong" where one of the female characters commit infidelity with her neighbor. Her husband works and they have a distant relationship. The wife may be pregnant by either the husband or the lover. Here is the thing: that is all I know because I have barely watched the show. My thoughts are out of control and I had a bad day. I have a form of obsessive reassurance called research reassurance where I do online research on the TV show or anything that I obsess about. It is driving me up the wall. Reassurance supposedly takes me to a better place as far as relieving anxiety but it is a waste of time. Other people's comments upset me for I find them judgmental and that they make no sense. I find fiction is now making no sense. I now wonder why most people are so caught up in fiction. I tend to watch movies and TV shows that are safe and now I wonder if I should watch television at all. I am a Christian and I feel like I should go by my beliefs but the word dilemma comes to mind. Television should not be so important nor should watching television be.
I am not sure if television has become a form of idolatry or not but sometimes I rather just turn the television off. There was a time I went that I never even had a television. Yesterday was just a bad day. I even checked for reassurance about infidelity committed by wives over the years. While it seems interesting to "get into the business about others", it is a waste of time and it feeds my obsessions. I simply cannot take the thoughts anymore. Today is a better day because I was distracted but even when I am distracted I still have the thoughts in the back of my mind. That is what is so frustrating. I feel so bad that I feel like I have no power. However, I believe that God will help me along with meds and counseling, which I engage in. I also believe that I will be alright if not soon. Tuesday however, will be rough because that is the show airs. The husband is supposed to find out according to the previews and I don't want to see it but I do. Another so-called dilemma has been created. Maybe I place too much importance on what I watch on television. I tend to watch television a lot because I am bored. Wow. I definitely need to do something else. I have other likes and dislikes and other things that I need to address. I don't want to see television as a dilemma. I am not sure if I see television as a top priority but I realize that now I have obsessive thoughts about television. I needed help, but as of right now, since I am writing this, I am beginning to feel better.