Saturday, March 22, 2014

3/7-3/13 Homework Assignment

3/7-3/13 Homework Assignment Affirmations

3/7    I can overcome anything.
3/8    My soul is tranquil and my mind is calm.
3/9    I am strong and resilient.
3/10  I can do it.  I can beat this.
3/11 I am smart.
3/12 I am a child at heart.
3/13 I embrace who I am.

3/7-3/13 Musings
3/7   I finally realized that the root of all of my issues have been medical or at least about having low self-esteem.  Rarely do I speak as well about myself as I should.  The problem is where do I take it from here.  I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which has caused a lot of weight gain, facial hair, and other issues that I rather not explain.
3/8   I have a compulsion problem that I need to address.  The risks to having live the same day over and over is not only boredom but an endless pool of compulsions and obsessions.  I need to change, and change only for me.  I want to change.  I have a desire to change because of the risks involved to my health and psyche.
3/9   I have to explore every option to change.  I dreamed last night about the need and desire to change.  I was changing my menu plan.  I am going to exercise more and eat less.  That is simple.  Unfortunately, things don't come easy for me.  I realize that there is no payoff.  Okay, there may be some payoff, but it isn't worth it.  The benefits of change are those things that I didn't realize.  I want to lose weight also because I am inspired to do so.  I want to give credit for losing weight.  I want to be the hard worker that I know that I can be.  I am a diabetic and I would like to know what it would be like to not take so many medications throughout the day.  I have gotten closer to understanding that being so self-centered about my problems doesn't help either.  I wonder what it will be like to have a healthier body, to be fit, and to be able to do the things that others take for granted.  There is nothing like being able to do something one thinks they cannot do.  A sense of accomplishment would be the biggest benefits.
3/10   My greatest limitation is that I don't know that I have strength.  My strength does come from the Lord.  The truth is, I don't know my own strength.  I have difficulty applying those truths that I have learned from to my own daily life.  I have a compulsion issue and while the obsessive thoughts are largely gone, I still have to work through, deal with, or overcome the compulsions.
3/11   I need to determine what fits.  I realize that I need to make a decision about what is good in my life.  I do have a compulsion problem.  I have not yet figured out what is best for me.  I feel like I have grown up in the last few days.  My problems have not been solved mind you, but I haven't engaged in any compulsive eating today.  I would like to eat less and exercise more.  I only wish that diet and exercise were the only ones that had payoffs.
3/12   My main objectives are to lose weight and be more comfortable in my own skin, put God first instead of my obsessions, and to overcome all negative and bothersome thoughts that I have.
3/13   Lately, I have been affirming myself over the internet.  I  have card and slips to read and apply to my life.  I feel so much better and affirmations have brought me to a reality that I rarely knew existed.  I have low self-esteem and I didn't realize how much low self-esteem that I have.  I am reminded everyday that the affirmations are supposed to be a word or rather words of support for me.

3/7-3/13  Exercise blog posts
3/7   I admit that I didn't do much exercise today, but what little I did do has helped my back.  I plan to do these specific exercises asap.  I will not hesitate.  I have a compulsion/fear/guilt problem that I need to control, so I need to also deal with that as well.
3/8   I have finally picked out the clothes that I am going to use for my exercising.  I had no idea that I had such a wardrobe of clothes that I am going to wear.  I didn't exercise today as I was bored and feeling tired.  That was my fault but I will pick up where I left off from yesterday.  Exercise is quite beneficial regardless of how long and how intense.  I definitely need to exercise more.
3/9   I do need to exercise more.  I have to exercise more, and without excuse.  I am doing okay today, but I also have to deal with excessive napping and tiredness.  I don't know if it is the enemy of exercise but all this napping is not doing me any good.
3/10   While I did indeed have a long nap, I managed to stay standing today.  I know that does not count as exercise, but it seemed like it.  I just feel like going through the motions and give up.  I don't want to wait for someone else to help me.  I want to do so myself.  However, I have no idea where to begin.  I am a diabetic who has suffered back pain and other issues.  I guess walking would be the best option.
3/11   I guess watching myself and reading up on exercise is good motivation.  I feel like moving to a great song, which I somewhat did today.  Yesterday I walked however slowly.  Thursday I hope to exercise more than I have had in a while.
3/12   Exercise should and can be a key to overcome what ails me.  I am glad for the support that I have.  I feel great today because I realize that I can control what really does ail me and that I feel better with every step I take.
3/13   I am not proud of this.  I rarely if ever did any exercise today.  I have not eaten so much today however, which is beneficial.

3/7-3/13 Food journal entries
3/7  I have a compulsive eating disorder, or so it seems.  I need to identify why.  Is it medical?  Do I take medication?  What do I do with my compulsive "nature"?  It seems impossible, but I find out today that it will take a lot of time and a lot of patience.  I eat all hours of the day and I feel guilty and I want to lose weight.  The first thing will be hard and that is to get rid of the trigger foods even though my mother has a hand in dealing with my own compulsions.  Maybe I should talk to her about them.
3/8   I did engage in compulsive eating today with two bowls of cereal.  I am ashamed of logging them into my Weight watchers account.  I feel like I am wasting money and energy on this program that I am not doing so well in.  I have not lost any weight in this program and I feel like a failure.  I feel weak and powerless to do much about it.  I definitely need to change those patterns and continue to get the help that I need.
3/9   I am lucky to not engage in compulsive eating and drinking.  I did drink a lot of sweet drinks and juices however.  I felt as if there was a sudden drop in my blood sugar levels.  During those times, I wondered what can help me with the feelings of weakness and shakiness.  I did eat unhealthy foods, but in moderation. Maybe I should just lay off of the unhealthy foods for a while.  I have not lost any weight.  In fact, I have gained weight.  I want to do well for myself.  The best thing to do is to overcome or deal with the eating issues that I have.
3/10   I have some bad news.  The bad news is that I have gained weight.  The good news is that I can lose weight and I have done so before.  I didn't eat too much today.  I have been on Weight Watchers lately and I hope to count points and continue to do so for a long time.  I have a compulsion problem where I eat because I gave up.  That has made the compulsion much much worse.  Even making a plan in advance would make the compulsion worse.  I am coming to grips by gaining weight and by gaining weight, I can make a change.  I admit that I have a problem and it needs to be fixed.
3/11   I would like to continue eating much less than I have today.  I have been eating more fruits today than I have before.  Yesterday I was given information about how to eat healthy.  Eat in smaller portions and also load smaller plates with proteins with fruits and vegetables.  I would like to learn how to actually plan meals and stick to it.  Sadly, I rarely do.
3/12   I ate quite a bit of fried foods and white breads today.  I hope to feel better about what I ate.  I haven't eaten compulsively, but I do tend to eat the right kinds of foods which I do ever so often.  Now what I do ever so often is what I realize that I should do everyday.
3/13   I have consumed over the 43 point limit that I am supposed to eat throughout the day.  However, I have many points left so far for the weeks.  I have learned to eat better, say in moderation.  However, I have to learn to eat healthier.  I am not unhappy with what or how I ate today.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

2/28-3/6 Homework Assignment

2/28  I can dance my way to good health.
3/1 Life is fun and rewarding.
3/2 I am having so much fun in life.
3/3 Each and every day, my circumstances are improving
3/4 Music makes me feel alive.
3/5 I believe in You, Lord.
3/6 I am making positive choices in my life.

2/28 Dancing and dance music are absolutely fun.  I was listening to this song from a while back and sometimes I forget how good music sounds from a vehicle.  Ironically I don't feel that way about country music coming from the radio.  I rather watch a country music video or listen to a live performance.  I just find music and this song in particular, fascinating.  I just realized that I don't usually describe songs as fascinating but I wasn't sure what else to write in particular.  This is a song that I would recommend for exercise.
3/1 I am not sure where to begin here, but I have seen both men and women, and children doing this dance. Twerking is like sexuality, where one has to show restraint. In other words, there is a time and place for everything. It is one thing to twerk at a club with other 20-somethings, but to do the same dance in front of your children, on a graveyard, and in a church would make it sinful in my opinion because it is so disrespectful. I equate it to sex because sex in itself is not sinful and neither is dancing, including twerking.

3/2  I guess having "the look" has changed somewhat.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I wonder if a Dusty Rhodes would even have a job in today's WWE, much less be a main-eventer for instance.  I guess that is just an opinion of mine.  My opinions are all that I have.  I am just an armchair quarterback.  That's all.
3/3 Song of the day: Shine on us by Avalon
3/4 I find myself watching movies from the last few decades and wondering about the quality of them.  I watched the first two Iron Man movies and they were fun, but will they hold up against the Rocky or Godfather movies?  I guess only time will tell and only if they would ever be compared since the Iron Man movies are so recent compared to the Rocky and Godfather movies.  Plus there is this thing about criticism of different genres, so I don't see any of the Iron Man movies in any Oscar category unlike Rocky or Godfather 2.  I am no critic but just an average moviegoer who like what she likes.
3/5 Yes, I am overweight, but I am also an over eater.  I have my trigger foods that I have no business buying from the store.  It is hard to control myself whenever I eat.
3/6 Man, I just love the "Expendables"...sadly I haven't seen the second one yet.

Exercise blog entries
2/28 Unfortunately, I do have a cold.  Fortunately I feel better.  I am in a nice warm house "recuperating".  I believe that I will be okay.  I actually did some exercise, or rather moving today.  I guess pushing a cart would count as exercise.  It was for about an hour.
3/1 I did do some dancing but I wouldn't count is as strenuous.  I am not a good dancer however.  Maybe I don't know my own talent.  There is nothing like moving a muscle.  There are so many benefits to exercise.  I just feel so much better since I woke up.  I still have a cold and I would like to say that it is getting better.  However, there is nothing like having a stuffy nose.  There is nothing like being ill to put things in perspective.
3/2 I actually did some exercise on this somber day.  I was very ill since I could not breathe well for the most part during my long long nap.  I do feel pretty good however.  I am doing okay despite my cold.
3/3 I wonder what does constitute exercise.  Does walking constitute exercise?  What type of walking and when?  Do I really even exercise?  Am I still a beginner?  If I am not really exercising, then what I am afraid of?  Is walking in the backyard exercise?  How about walking around the house?  What would typify a slow walk; would it depend on speed or distance?  These are questions that I have to ask and decide for myself if it is exercise.  I am just wondering.
3/4  Moving a muscle is something that constitutes exercise?  It is the very definition of exercise.  Exercise is the movement of muscle that produces results.
3/5   On the other hand, I have other reasons to exercise or rather continue to exercise.  It does keep my mind off of things and maybe that is why exercise is so good to overcome this issue that I have.
3/6 I wonder if I exercise then I won't each as much.  Here is what I am trying to write: I eat less, then I exercise more.  If I eat healthier then I exercise more, then all will be well.  Simple as that, no?  Not if one has the issue that I have.

Food and diet blog entries
2/28 I went grocery shopping and needless to say, it felt great.  I learned not only to do something for me, but I realize that I can eat and shop healthy.  I realize that application of learned principles on a consistent basis is quite beneficial.  My frustrations have done nothing but overwhelm me and has caused nothing but weight gain.  I want and need to eat better than I do.  I would like to enjoy the benefits of healthy eating.  I have to keep in mind on a constant basis how to eat while having PCOS and having diabetes.  I felt like a failure years back.  Now it seems, I have to make up for lost time.
3/1 I realize how much grocery shopping I do, I still have to learn to eat healthier.  I am in a way ashamed.  I have an overeating problem, especially when it seems I am "hungry".  I eat out of control and I feel like a glutton.  I want, need, and desire to lose weight.  I need help.  I know I sound like a broken record, but when today's diet consist of fruits, no vegetables, 2 milks, and fried foods, something has got to change.
3/2 I wish I could just quit eating so much.  I believe that I have an addiction.  I need so much help, but I am frustrated and overwhelmed.  I don't know where to begin.  Today is one of my better days.  I seem to be hungry but not hungry.  I want, need, and desire to get myself together.  I ate mostly unhealthy foods in comparison to what I should be eating.  Maybe that is the problem.
3/3 I am trying to not overeat, which I did today.  I did not know what to do. I realize that my problem stemmed from anxiety, but also from other things, like a compulsive need to eat...almost.  I am not sure what my internal problems are.  I do eat too much.  I lack patience and self-control and that is a problem that I have.  Maybe my problem is a spiritual problem.  Who knows?  All I know is that I feel alone.
3/4 I have spent less time binge and have become more aware of what I overeat.  That is a good thing.  The downside is, is that I am still overeating.  I need help and I will not postpone this any longer.  I have even fewer points today than I have yesterday.  However, I realize that I have a long way to go.
3/5 I have an issue and it hasn't just been on my mind.  It is an issue that I struggle with daily.  It isn't really about my weight as much as it is about my overall health and well-being.
3/6 So I tried my best to eat well.  At least not eat too much over the limit.  I still have a lot of work to do.  I have to take it one day at a a time.  I will still seek help with the issue that I have.  I won't make any excuses. All I know is that I need help.  I believe that I will finally get the help I need.