Monday, January 30, 2017

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

"The Shield"






The was really having a good day creating these three.  I am not sure which one, but those are the classic examples of the beauties of God's creation.  Okay, that is just too much.  I am just a person who has become a wrestling fan all of my life.  I am just someone who loves wrestling and these guys are no exception.  I haven't felt the need to struggle with having obsessive thoughts or any depression. I did perform a compulsion or two, but other than that, today has been a good day.  Lately, I have woken up to all the good that has happened in the last ten years, from who I like or what I like, as in music and pop culture.  While I am fully aware that I am an adult, I am still a kid at heart.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Japanese animation, or anime

I miss watching anime.  What really messed me up was all of the anime characters and the shows themselves.  I would like to go back to watching anime all over again.  Staying up until 5-6 every morning to watch Lupin and  Vash the Stampede.  Cartoon Network was so different back then.  I wish I hadn't lost that interest in Japanese animation.  I remembered such shows and characters as Spike from "Cowboy Bebop", Kiba from one of my favorite animes, "Wolf's Rain", and Noata from "FLCL", though I could never understand the plot.  I wonder if I have lost that love with anime.  I need to get out more, but I also need to explore greater interests, including those I once had, such as anime.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

"Bodies" by Drowning Pool

Nothing is as cool as listening to music that reminds you of the past.  No matter what is really going on in our lives.  I was at a period or periods in my life when obsessive thoughts arrive and they scare me.  I am listening to "Bodies" by Drowning Pool and it reminds me to not the thoughts, but about a great time in my life.  I am now listening to "Bodies" and the music, singing, and rifs make me feel better, at least that helps forget any craziness in my life.  I just love everything about it.


Friday, January 20, 2017

Images of young black women and criticism

 


I was wondering if there is a fine line between a sexy woman and a woman whose image is quite demeaning.  I posted up pictures of black women because of the images above, but because of the image of the video vixen.  Personally, I have no issue with the pics, but it is rap videos and how these ladies are portrayed quite demeaning.  I guess I don't offend easily, but there are some images of black women that are indeed negative and demeaning.  To me, these photos, none of them, are more sexy or even have an erotic tone.  It makes me wonder if any of these ladies were white and doing the same thing, what would be the criticism if any, of these same women in the same outfits and the same poses?  Would it be more positive?  Would they be criticized as much as black women?  Or would they be  criticized as demeaning as much as black women?  Are the lines between degrading and sexy and classes much finer with black women?  Those are the questions that I have about the images in particular about these young ladies.



Thursday, January 19, 2017

Who I really am?

I am one of the children of the Lord and a joint-heir to my Savior.  Only God truly judge us.  I look forward to that judgement provided that I am a "for real" Christian.  I look forward to the ending of this life.  Obedience and salvation are required.  Putting God first is also required.  Holiness is mandatory for all believers.  My identity is truly in Jesus, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Now I am beginning to understand what He means.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

My change from last night

I have become a totally different person since last night.  I didn't brag about being lazy.  Yesterday, I just was.  I realize that no matter how far it seems, God is near.  God saves.  God forgives.  God hears.  It too last night to remember this.  Everything was new. Everything was made clear last night. My hope is that I become an obedient, true believer in Christ each and everyday.  God created me a pure heart.  That is a wonderful thing because only the pure in heart shall see God.  More than anything, I desire to be ready for Jesus Christ's return.  It will be such a day.  I do however know that though time is short, things here on earth seems so long meanwhile.  But I will not scoff, because He is definitely returning.  Amen.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Lazy animal

I am a confessed lazy person.  I am ashamed of it.  I am even ashamed to admit it.  I want to get over this.  I want to know how to stop being so lazy and be more "fit".  I need help,  just like this kitty below




Monday, January 16, 2017

Not as depressed as before

I am feeling better today than I was yesterday.  I was so tired and feeling so down.  I guess it is the depression. I was feeling quite high before now I was so tired of how things were.  For now, I will be okay.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Who am I?

Lord,

What is my identity?  What does it mean when people say that one's identity is in Christ?  I truly don't get it.  How do I get out of the funk that I have been in for some time now.  I admit that nothing is positive in my world and I want to change that, but I don't know how. I ask for wisdom and guidance, for I want to change not just the things around me, but to change me and how I see things.  Nothing seems to go right for me and I have no idea why.  Because of it, I do complain and I see things and sometimes some people in the wrong light.  I need Your help.

Sincerely,


Letters to God

My identity

Where am I?  Who am I really?  Why do I want to go back?  I had a lot to learn back then.  I am supposed to be older and wiser, so why am I so depressed?  I do nothing to change.  I still am in love with a man who is dead, long dead.  Why do I feel the way that I do about this man?  We have never met.  I barely even paid him any mind when he was alive.  Why?  Hopefully I will find out.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Being and feeling insecure

I am as insecure as anybody right now.  I may feel or seem more insecure than ever tonight.  Despite nothing going right so far, everything it seems is going wrong.  I am not confident that things will change the way they are.  Hopefully I am wrong.  All I see is someone who is quite lazy and insecure. Change is hard to come by.  How do I become more secure and more confident in my abilities? Have I even gotten lazy in what I feel I need to do?  I have little idea how to get out of the funk I have been in lately.  I have a tired mind.  It as if I am tired and nearly down in the dumps as of late.  I could not sleep at times, yet I was tired.  I am doing better, but the insecurity hasn't left.  It is so hard not just feeling insecure, but actually being insecure is even harder.  I want to accomplish goals yet I realize that I have no idea how to go about accomplishing my goals.  I seem to go through the motions and I just cannot take it anymore.

Friday, January 13, 2017

I guess I have to answer what has been going on this past week.

For must of this past week, I have been mentally drained.  I have been tired or was "drunk" from all of the meds I have been taking.  I am doing much better.  Okay, I am doing somewhat better.  I hope to recover from this tired mind and this tired body.  Right now, I am a bit tired.  I wish I knew what the cause of this tiredness is.  I am doing better than I was early on this week.  Not only was I tired, I had muscle weakness, I could barely sleep, and I couldn't sleep.  I hope this never happens again. Hopefully I will be and hopefully stay alert.  

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

"God Will Make a Way" by Don Moen



God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

Oh, God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and Earth will fade but His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today

Oh, God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and Earth will fade but His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today

Oh, God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Changing my mindset saved my life. How I lost 150 pounds!

Changing my mindset saved my life. How I lost 150 pounds!

BEFORE WEIGHT : 317
AFTER WEIGHT : 165
POUNDS LOST : 150

WHEN DID YOU START DEVELOPING A WEIGHT PROBLEM?

Side note-it won’t let me put in my Instagram it’s @lucyscraazyhealthylife -I was always a very large kid. 5’8 by sixth grade. When my parents got divorced I ate because I didn’t know how to handle all those big emotions. By my sophomore year of high school I weighed 317 pounds.

HOW DID YOUR WEIGHT AFFECT ANY ASPECT(S) OF YOUR LIFE?
Being morbidly obese was the center of my world. It’s all my parents talked about. It’s all anyone noticed in school. I didn’t want to go out. I couldn’t fit in desk. I was so embarrassed. I spent 15 years hiding.

WHAT WAS THE “TURNING POINT” THAT GOT YOU STARTED ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY?
When I stepped on the scale in February of my sophomore year of highchool and saw that I weighed 317 pounds I was devasted. I couldn’t believe I gotten that far. I promised myself right then and there that is have a real story. I’d be a women who lived her life. That I wouldn’t settled for anything less then loving myself.

HOW DID YOU GET STARTED?
The first things I started doing was writing a plan. And breaking up with food. I decided that I can not be in a toxic relationship with food. I can not call on it and go to it when I was sad or angry or upset. And I started going to the gym everyday. Even if it was only for 20 minutes. I went and I showed up.

HOW LONG AFTER YOU STARTED DID YOU BEGIN TO SEE RESULTS OF YOUR WEIGHT LOSS EFFORTS?
Immediately. Once you decide to save your life. Everything in universe conspires to help you.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST PART?
For me the biggest obstacles were the skin after. After 150 pounds lost you have a lot of skin. I had six pounds of skin removed off my stomach recently. And that has been the biggest step. Finally I feel free.

DID YOU EVER WANT TO GIVE UP? WHAT KEPT YOU GOING?
Never. I knew how depressed I was when I was big. It scares me more to be sad and depressed then to go workout. Even on the hardest days working out and eating healthy is 100x easier then be morbidly obese.

Link to full article:
http://theweighwewere.com/changing-mindset-saved-life-lost-150-pounds/

Monday, January 9, 2017

Excerpt from "Joshua and Carrie"

Carrie, on the other hand, has had fears of catching a disease if she doesn't keep her room, and the rest of the house for that matter, clean.  So she spends hours constantly cleaning her room especially and checking to see if it in particular had no germs.  She has disturbing thoughts of catching a disease or even dying if she doesn't think her room is clean enough.  She is especially fearful if she has a cut on her hands, so she often wears a glove or opens a door with a cloth or towel.  She spends hours daily thinking and fighting and writing about those thoughts.  The writings bring temporary relief, only for the obsessive thoughts and the compulsions to occur again.  The cycle just seems never-ending.

To the both of them, it is like there is no hope sometimes.  They both have amazing insight into their problems yet it seems that they are alone because they know no one else like them.  Until now.  Both of them, like many teenagers, are avid internet users.  When they are not in school, doing homework, or hanging out with their friends, or spending time with their families they spend a lot of time alone on the internet in their own little worlds.  Carrie even has her own myspace page.  Yet she doesn't list herself as having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Instead she goes on a forum for young people who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  That way, she at least has someone who can relate to her.  Like with Joshua, both of her parents worry that she spends too much time on the internet and not enough time with her family.

Joshua's parents began to worry not only about his time on the internet, but about his overall health after the breakup.  His parents had to constantly monitor him in case he was suicidal.  Joshua at one point had even become a different person due to the breakup. He had even begun to hang out with a different crowd and become dark and more depressed.  He began to lash out at anyone including his parents to the point where his father had to restrain him.  His mother called the emergency room because of this.  Soon after, Joshua was hospitalized. That was over a year ago. Since then, his condition has improved, yet has suffered through a cycle of unwanted thoughts, triggers, and endless research and investigation about infidelity.  He knows the thoughts are not real and are not based on his real life, but they frustrate him.  Sometimes, they are just too much to bear.  Even though his parents are concerned about him going on the internet, they have seen how much he has improved from the last year.  Joshua does not have a myspace page like Carrie, but he does go on the chat rooms and read comments on the forums.  Then he came across a message from a poster who has OCD, so he clicked on that one, but that page did not interest him.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

What is mindset?

Your mindset is the sum of your knowledge, including beliefs and thoughts about the world and yourself in it. It is your filter for information you get in and put out. So it determines how you receive and react information.
Source---myrkothum.com

I am troubled.  I have plenty of knowledge, and the wisdom to carry things out.  However, it is as if I no purpose or set of purposes.  My goals are out of wack as well, but my real problem is not having a mindset.  I would like to be able to say, "I can do it without worry, no matter what mistakes I make. Mistakes make me human and I will survive.  I can start over and not give up.  I will not be or remain afraid or worried or frazzled."  Sadly, that has not been my mindset.  In fact, the opposite of that particular mindset is my mindset.  "I cannot do all things through Christ who strengthens me, for I have no strength.  I am always anxious, worried, or fearful.  If things don't go right, then I will never accomplish my goal or at least might as well."  I am even afraid to eat breakfast thinking that I will overeat for the rest of the day.  Well, starting right now, I would like to change that negative mindset. I tire of the struggle to change.  Right now, I realize that eating more whole foods would be of greater benefit to me. My weight and my eating habits are something that I think about every day.  It is quite annoying and I also wonder why I don't frazzled about that.  One thing is for sure, I need to relax.

Friday, January 6, 2017

"Break Every Chain" by Tasha Cobb

.[Lead:]
There is power in the name of Jesus [3x]
to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain. [2x]

[Chorus:]
There is power in the name of Jesus [3x]
to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain. [2x]

[Lead:]
There's an army rising up. [3x]
To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain. [2x]

[Chorus:]
There's an army rising up. [3x]
To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain. [2x]

[Vamp:]
I hear the chains falling.

[End:]
There is power in the name of Jesus
to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain.



Thursday, January 5, 2017

Break those cycles, I mean, chains.

I feel so bad that I cannot entertain myself.  I am safe but a tad bit sad that I have been "limited" somewhat.  It is time that I stop and to limit myself to not just what is safe, but what is sound.  I feel like well, okay.  I live in an endless cycle.  It just seems endless.  This dreaded cycle is what makes things worse then better then worse then better.  I want to know.  One day, I will know how to break that cycle.

  How do I break that chain?

Break every chain, please, including this one.




Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Things to consider

Right now, I realize that observing the thought can be easier said than done.  When I do, it puts things in perspective.  So does just taking two steps back.  Also blogging (and journal writing) have been of great help to me.  I also realize that with God, only His will shall be done.  Like the woman with the issue of blood, her faith made her whole.  I can only imagine the pain she went through.  It cannot be hard to relate when one has the added health issues that I have.  I have only developed them in the last decade or so.  I have come to realize that maybe like the obsessive thoughts, I need to take two steps back and stay in focus.  Then and only then, I can only do something more about things.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Musings about the last 24 hours

Last night, I had it rough.  I had a sense of dread and sometimes in a blue moon, I would have bad vibes about someone or something.  I had to "let go, let God".  I am feeling better, but things are not perfect.  I often find myself overwhelmed, quite a bit.  Today was no exception.  Being honest and prayerful are two keys to overcoming what has gone on lately.  It is time for me to win, and not just fight.  Right now, I just have one goal in mind.