Wednesday, March 25, 2015
It no longer matters because I have to learn to be uncertain sometimes.
Sports and some rest are great for me. I realize that I have to accept the fact that the answers that I so seek are not the answers that I so seek. In short, a little bit of uncertainty is okay. I have to fight. I need to stand up to the OCD. It is a bully that has almost brought me down this morning. However, for the past few days, I had sleep disturbances. I will never know why I have these thoughts. I realize that I will never know. It no longer matters. Now I can say that as far as the content of specific thoughts, it doesn't matter. I am a bit anxious, but since I have slept and since I had this realization, my anxiety is going away. It is slow, but it is finally going away. The images are based on thoughts that don't affect me personally. I am saddened that like so many people, I get caught up on things of the world including television. I have to learn not to do that especially with talk shows or with fiction. This is not real. I know this but my mind says it is real and I have to do research and look up message boards in order to find the answers that I "need" because of the uncertainty. I will never be certain of everything, and that is okay. Having this mindset and learning to embrace this disorder will help me in the long run. It could even improve my sleep. I choose not to be anxious. I choose to embrace the OCD. I choose not to see fiction as reality so that it is not blurred. I choose not to take things so personally. I also choose to accept that I won't be able to find the answers to everything. I guess I can repeat all of that. I am feeling better already. I finally seem to have a good handle on the situation.