Thursday, February 27, 2014

2/21-2/27 Homework Assignment

2/21  I am no longer fearful but I am strong.
2/22 I am a happy person full of life.
2/23 I have the grace of God.
2/24  Lord, I believe in You for I am an honest to goodness person.
2/25 No entry
2/26 I can do it..I am and continue to be the after picture.
2/27 I treat myself right.

2/21  I posted three YouTube videos that are Contemporary Christians such as Out of Eden and Avalon.
2/22  That is the problem.  I can only imagine.  I am isolated yet I feel isolated from the real world.  I want to see an adulterous woman hurt the way she hurt her "loved" one.  I felt that the adulterous woman was a bigger fool than an adulterous man.  The truth is, I have seemed to hate the deeds and dislike adulterous women for I don't think that they have morals.  But that is also what the thoughts say.  Why do I feel that way?  Will I ever truly know?
2/23  Infidelity is wrong, yes, but I believe that as a woman, I am doing the same thing with the Lord.  I don't always read scripture, pray, or spend time with the Lord.  I spend my time worrying about what the world thinks of me.  I want to be a part of Him.  Instead, I want Him to be a part of me.  It seems strange but I am trying to say that God should be the center of my life and the Head of my life.  Sometimes, I make God my co-pilot instead of giving Him the controls.  That is a problem that I need to work with.
2/24   I feel like there is something that is missing.  I don't know what it is, but I am wondering what is missing in my life.
2/25   I do complain a lot and I am tempted to complain right now, but I won't.
2/26   Happy Birthday, Erykah Badu posts with videos..
2/27   I believe and find that learning about nature and gardening are quite relaxing, and actually doing it are actually going a long way into one being more productive.  There is nothing in the world like being productive.

Food and Diet blog entries
2/21   No entry.
2/22   I hope to eat much better.  Eating two hamburgers, and two doughnuts with orange juice do not constitute a healthy diet.  I would like to be able to learn from that and apply it to my life.  Today, I didn't eat as much, yet I had to learn to do something for myself.  Eating or rather, consuming healthy foods is an option yet it doesn't always seem that way.  I have no excuses.
2/23   I ate peanuts this evening and an oatmeal creme pie just before that.  I wanted to and chose to eat them.  I realize that they are both trigger foods.  I do indeed eat the wrong kind of foods.  So I will need changes, many changes.  I realize things don't come easily for me.  I have to keep in mind that I have diabetes, high cholesterol, and blood sugar issues.  I also have PCOS so there are trigger foods that I am supposed to avoid.  There is more than eating so much.  There is ridding myself of processed and canned foods, which are difficult to do.  I wish to plan my meals, which would be beneficial.  However, I tend to eat beyond the limits of what I consume so that is because it will make me hungry.  I would like to learn how to eat and when to eat.
2/24   I have to do what I already know.  I have to plan my meals in advance.  It is urgent that I lose the weight and keep it off.  I lost over a pound today.  I am just shy under 300 lbs.  I wonder what my real goal is.  I would like to lose a lot of weight and feel much better.  Planning my meals is something that worries me as I can go over and eat more than what is allowed.  I feel like it is difficult to do so. However, planning my meals could go a long way into my losing weight.
2/25   Bump
2/26   No entry
2/27   I am still struggling but I realize that it is my fault.  I would like to lose weight and cook healthier foods.  Eat fried fatty foods in moderation even will not go towards losing weight if eaten for a period of time.  I have PCOS and I knew better.  I have to shop for better foods, which would go a long way into eating better.  All I have to do is do what is hardest.

Exercise Log entries
2/21 I feel that I need to address my weight issues.  I am feeling okay about facing my fears about exercise.  I realize that I need to face my fears.  How to do that?  Only God knows.
2/22 I am scared that I will never learn how to apply my words and knowledge to my daily life.  You see, things just don't come easy for me.  However, I did do a few lunges and some stretching today.  It wasn't much but it was a good start.
2/23 I hope to exercise for at least an hour 2 to three times a week.  I know I am unable to exercise on Fridays as I have a morning appointment.  I feel like going somewhere and just dance, move, walk, etc.  I wish things would come easily for me.  I pace and walk slowly, but that is not the exercise that I feel will help me to lose weight.  It clears my mind and it isolates me from the world, but it won't tighten my abs or glutes.  It won't help me slim my arms or thighs, nor has it always been good for my legs.  I want to be able to do what is hard.  I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do so.
2/24 I did only five minutes of exercise today but it was more strenuous than it should have been.  Seriously, it was not that strenuous.  I just raked yards.  I only did that type of work because it was needed.  I want to do more, but I am not sure what I need to do as far as far as that goes.  I used to love to be active and go to the gym.  I hope that I don't have any anxiety to go.
2/25 Yesterday, I didn't do much exercise.  I hope that I am even able to do some exercise.  Maybe I just need to walk or just move for now.
2/26 Sadly, I didn't do a lot of moving around or do much walking.  I realize that even though things don't come easy for me, I have to be the one to do the work.
2/27 Today, I did do some walking, but I have not been feeling well.  I have a slight cold and I did my share of resting.  I hope that I can feel better so that I can walk some more.  I lost some weight today and that has made me smile.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Homework Assignment 2/7-2/20

2/7   I am free to express myself.
2/8   I am a work in progress.
2/9    I believe that my living is not in vain.
2/10  I love every curl of my hair.
2/11  I speak life to all who come my way and I speak life to even myself.  We all need and deserve it.
2/12  I am deserving of love and I approve of myself.
2/13  No entry.
2/14  No entry.
2/15  I am a thankful and a thoughtful person.
2/16  I am in harmony with the world
2/17  I attract positivity because of my personality and my sense of humor.
2/18  My life is full of love and joy because I have all that I need, want, and desire.
2/19  My God is a God of plenty and I now receive all that I desire or require, and more
2/20  I love who I am.

2/7 Often I wake up to verses or songs in my head and I wondered if there is something out there for me.  I don't know.  Either way, this verse was of great interest to me, yet I cannot link it to my life.
2/8 My computer slowed down, I blew my "diet", and I am still sore and tired.
2/9  Many professing believers will not be wise virgins because of how they have failed to live their lives.  Many did not love the Lord with all their hearts, minds, and strengths.  "Jesus is a Love Song" I recommend to everyone.
2/10 Sly Stallone is cool in my book.
2/11 To me, cutting off all of my relaxed hair was a signal of independence, which I sorely needed.  I wanted to do something for myself, so that is what I did.  It felt more liberating than anything.  This is decision that I have not regretted.
2/12  No entry.
2/13  No entry.
2/14  No entry.
2/15  There is nothing like being both thankful and thoughtful.  There is also nothing like being thankful and thoughtful for what you don't have
2/16  On the other hand, dealing with anxiety and fear have been hard at times.  I feel like I need to relax.
2/17  I would like to be comfortable, healthy, fit, and be able to see and feel the benefits of losing weight.  Ironically I realize that it wasn't my weight that was THE root of my issues, it was me.
2/18  That is the problem.  How do I stop consuming so many processed foods and eat more fruits and vegetables per day?  How do I eat whole grains?  I would like to have the same thing that a person who is healthier consumes.  It would be great since I am trying to lose weight and stay and live healthier.  That is the goal that I wish to reach.  I would also like to save on healthier foods.  The question is: where do I begin?
2/19  I have learned three things: I frustrate easily, I have trouble relaxing, and I can sleep easily.
2/20  It is a lonely experience being fearful and alone.  I need help and it seems so hopeless.  There are times when I am scared of my own shadow.

Exercise Log
2/7    I cannot say I did any zumba or T25.  However, all I did was rake yards, which should be a great exercise to add unto a my WW program.  Yardwork is quite hard at times, and I realize how out of shape I truly am.
2/8   Nearly two hours of backbreaking work will do that to a person.  It was a lot of work...just doing yardwork.  I am just too slow and too out of shape for my own good.  I am also quite tired and that didn't help.
2/9  I literally did some back breaking work this past week.  Nearly ninety minutes of work is not fun.
2/10 The truth is, I am a beginner who has no clue how to start.  Should I start strength training?  Walking?  Anything?  I for one am tempted to just do anything no matter how advanced just so I could push the limit.
2/11  What good would exercise do if I continue to eat bad foods, especially if I am losing weight?  That is a good point.  I need and would like to, just start.  Just do it.  I wonder what I am really afraid of.
2/12  No entry.
2/13  No entry.
2/14   No entry.
2/15    I wish I had spent the last three days exercising, but I did not.  I admit that I did nothing to develop good eating habits or even an exercise regimen.  Maybe I should just start off slow and then work my way up. However, what exercise should I start with?
2/16   So I was watching Gilad this morning.  I have decided not to postpone exercising so I did nothing.
2/17    I wonder if I have to start off slow and then work up.  I am not new to exercise but I am new to the current mindset that I have.  The truth is, when I start something, I really get into it, and then fall flat on my face
2/18   Moving is so great.  Exercising is so great.  I forget the fun I have when I am exercising.  It makes me feel better and feel lighter.
2/19   I have no clue because I just have no clue.  I need help with exercising.  I am supposed to be eating right and exercise, but I have come to realize that application of what I know just doesn't come easy to me, no matter how hard I try.
2/20 I did some major exercise today and my mother and I were doing yard work this morning.  It was quite a workout and I was tired and a little bit sore.  I am okay today however.  I worked for over two hours.  I finally realized that I am out of shape and that exercise has made me feel better.

Food and Diet entries
2/7  I tend to eat a lot of food when I am hungry.  There are days when anything good no matter how healthy, can be a trigger.  I have no clue how to deal with a trigger until I carry the extra points until the next day.  It seems rather dishonest.  I would like to just control my eating so that I can lose more weight.  I am to keep it simple as I should have years ago.  I just want to lose weight because I know what could happen if I get larger.  I don't.  I want to fit into a chair, take less medication, fit into old clothes, and be less self-conscious about my weight.  Most of all, unbelievably, I would like to know that I have actually accomplished something.  I ate too much today and I wish I could eat less than my point limit.  How do I control myself?  How do I meet my needs without feeling guilty?  I wonder how.
2/8  Today I should have learned my lesson, but I did not.  Today was anything but a perfect day.  I need all the help I can get.  I want and need to lose weight but I feel so alone.  Maybe honesty when logging in is the best policy.  It can't be any worse than what I am doing now.  I need not to make "excuses" such as hunger and carrying it on to the next day.  Those things will not help me at all.  I realize that I need to make some changes, and fast.  I have to realize that first of all, wasting on a program that I am doing so badly on is not helping me.Nor is the fact that I am still struggling with overeating and not taking hunger into consideration.  I am also not helping myself by a failure to apply what I have just learned to my eating habits.  I know that I am supposed to eat up my points and I have an average of 7 extra points to use per day.  I have approached it all badly and I need help.
2/9  I cannot keep continuing in the problem.  My reaction and how I go about living when it comes to my food is counterproductive.  If I want to lose weight, then I have to control my hunger and my emotions.  I have such a difficult issue to deal with.  I wish I could end it.  I feel okay but a little discouraged.  I have no idea what I need to do.
2/10 I am glad to say that I did not overeat to the point of frustration.  However, I prayed about giving up control so that I can be motivated.  I feel much better than I have before.  I guess there were more and more important things that I need to deal with.  I have had other things on my mind.  Learning can be a struggle, but it can also take a little patience and a lot of application.
2/11 Despite being on Weight Watchers, I could use some help and I could use some support.  Applying what I have learned is very hard to do and it is quite daunting.
2/12 No entry.
2/13 No entry.
2/14 No entry.
2/15  Despite being on Weight Watchers, I have to admit that I am struggling.  I also have to admit that if I don't change, all I will be doing is wasting my money.
2/16  I changed my limits to 49 points because only 42 points frustrated me.  It left me room for treats or desserts.  On the other hand, it is even more tempting to eat unhealthy foods.  I did also eat fruits and vegetables and I will consume more fruits as our day goes by.  Right now, I am in a good mood after a loss of electric power and a few days of being ashamed to admit that my diet is poor.  How I preplan my meals will be difficult, but it will be well worth it.
2/17  I cannot believe it.  I feel like I can accomplish my goal.  I wasn't flawless, but I got better.  I ate fruits, vegetables, and legumes.  I am doing better because I learned how to do what I thought was hard all along.  I would like to feel better and less self-conscious.  I am a happier person today than I have been in a while.  I am very thankful.  I know I have gained weight, but ironically I feel great.  I know I can lose weight.  I know I can exercise and see them differently.  I am just hopeful today.
2/18 I am overwhelmed.  I am struggling with controlling my cravings.  Right now, I am not craving anything.  I wonder what can control cravings.   I crave peanuts one day and almonds another day.  I may have a sweet tooth, so I crave something sweet.  I am just struggling while I am on Weight Watchers.  Maybe this is just a part of the program.  I have no idea what I am doing, but I will stick to it.  Life like weight loss, is a journey.  I must remember that.  I was craving for peanut butter but I have to remind myself that I am sharing a house with another person, who also likes peanut butter.  I too must remember that.
2/19 It is the same thing as yesterday.  I must have forgotten what I have learned.  Application is quite hard for me.  Right now, I want a peanut butter sandwich.  I need help.  I need patience.  I wish I could have more time.  I need to lose weight because I want to lose weight and vice versa.  I have very few points left.
2/20 I ate pretty well today.  However I feel like I need to eat healthier though I ate protein.  I also need to eat fruits and vegetables today.  I don't eat enough of those on a daily basis.  Eating healthy is quite hard.  I realize that I have to do what is hard if I wish to succeed.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Homework Assignment 2/2-2/6

2/2 I know how to treat other people with respect and dignity.
2/3 I have style, taste, and class.
2/4 I am a classy person who respects other's rights and feelings.
2/5  I celebrate who I am today.
2/6  I am a strong person who is of good courage.

2/1  Change for me would involve my wanting to get out of my comfort zone and facing my fears.  I am just reflecting on my life and what is being too comfortable for me.  I am in a world where it is easy to be fearful and avoid what is so fearful.
2/2  RIP, Phillip Seymour Hoffman; I didn't watch a lot of his movies and such, but it is just so tragic when a person dies young.  May he rest in peace.

2/3   "Dukes of Hazzard" was hilarious.  I guess I am too nostalgic for my own good.
2/4    Sometimes I feel as if I am being ruled by a plan of events.  It doesn't become about planning it become more about a routine or at least a routine that controls my day.  In that sense, prioritizing can become more important and it helps to improve my life skills such as cleaning up a house or studying. 
2/5  Psalm 23 has given me peace of mind and says much about the character of God.
2/6  I as an American believe that we are isolated from the rest of the world, therefore making it easier for us, despite our technological advances there.  The world is a much smaller place despite the disconnect between I have learned here from American sources and what I have learned from actual Brazilian people. 

Food and Diet Blog Entries
2/2 I am a lot let nervous to exercise.  I was so nervous because I fear failure.  I think that an exercise log would make things easier for me.  Why I didn't realize this before, I have no idea.
2/3 I have to be careful eating trigger foods or avoid them altogether.  I realize that I can and do eat some fruits and vegetables.  Eating grains and lean meats are also important.  Being on WW has taught me to eat. 
2/4 Right now I feel like giving up.  However I am reminded of a lot of things.  I am cheap, so I better not waste any money on something that has been good for my health, lol.  Seriously, I need to lose the weight that I gained and then some.  Today has been a good start for me.  It has been a spiritual awakening.  I would like to live my life as a responsible adult.  I have had issues such as anxiety, low self-esteem, and a lack of self-control to contend with.  Those are deep issues that I have to face also including fears.  I am also nervous about going ahead with WW.  I don't wish to allow frustration to cause me to quit.
2/5 I need to learn about diet and exercise.  I don't feel good about myself.  I would like to overcome eating too much processed foods.  My question is, how do I go about doing that?  I feel like being ashamed of myself because I want to be honest yet it has been hard.  I really have to log in everything I eat.  I have to and need to be honest with myself if I wish to lose weight and take care of myself.
2/6 I don't feel guilty about what I ate. I am not sure how to plan all of my meals for tomorrow since I have an appointment.  My mother and I do cook different types of foods, which is true, yet there are foods like greens that we have in common.

Exercise Blog Entries
2/1   I have an obvious desire to change.  I am nervous however.  I am afraid that I will not stick to an exercise routine.  I like to walk and do other exercises but I am nervous about it. 
2/2   I didn't exercise much, but I did push and pull a heavy cart full of groceries this morning.  I wonder how many WW points that will be.
2/3   Needless to say, I am not a good dancer.  Well, I cannot say that because I am just too shy to dance.  I am just shy period.  It doesn't seem that way because I am being so blunt.
2/4   I did some dancing today, so I felt pretty decent.  However, I feel nervous about having an exercise regimen.
2/5   I even have a hard time following simple diet and exercise advice.  I have to admit that I did dance some, which is good.  But either I am lazy or I am beginning to hate exercise.
2/6 I do procrastinate this is true.  However, I want to do better and overcome this issue of procrastination.  Why do I tend to do that? 

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Life skills and planning

I had no understanding of what life skills and planning are.  This is the truth.  I have a lot of issues in my life such as being overwhelmed and the inability to relax.  I also have low self-esteem and anxiety disorder.  It also does not help that I am bipolar.

Now, I realize that life skills are basic.  They are about how I plan my day.  Planning involves how I schedule my days.  Planning is  more complicated than life skills.

All I have to do now to make a schedule of events.  However if I were, then it will go like this

Wake up
Medication and Multivitamin
Eat a snack
Read online
Continue to listen to music and watch religious videos online

I will try to follow this schedule on a daily basis.  However, I would like to add what my priorities are.  Why they are my priorities?  How do I go about acting on those priorities? What are my priorities and goals in life?  Those are the things that I wish to answer.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Homework 1/24-2/1

1/24 I am not ignorant of the devil's devices, so I am not blissful or willfully blind.
1/25 I am not jealous, but kind and giving.
1/26 Christ is the center of my world.
1/27 I love music and thus I am a musician at heart.
1/28 I can take care of myself.
1/29 I can be bad all by myself.
1/30 I respect myself.
1/31 I love my beautiful brown skin.
2/1  I love who I am because of what my ancestors have accomplished in life.

1/24   I am happy today.  I am contemplating about my life.  I am just happy that all is well.  I am fearful of a lot of things.  However, I feel that it was something that I could overcome.  I have allowed fear to dominate my life.  I have OCD and fear and anxiety are part of the equation.  I also have doubt and uncertainty in my life.  There are things that I wanted to write today that I simply forgot.  I am being truthful about this which is what I need.  I need to be less fearful and more truthful to God, myself, and others.  I sometimes lie because I am afraid.  I am afraid that something bad would happen.  Today I believe strongly that I have been forgiven.  I forgive myself for lying to all.  It is time that I would unleash.
1/25 Love is not jealous, but is kind.
Hope is intertwined with faith and love.
Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the evidence of things that are unseen.

I didn't always understand what it means.  We cannot be believers without hope, faith, and love.  We might as well not even be called a true believer in Christ if we have neither faith, hope, and or love.  Those three just go hand in hand in hand.

1/26 It is better to be grateful.  It makes life worth living.  I admit that I complain too much.  I really do.  Rarely do I take the time to be grateful.  That is to my great shame.  Here are a list of things as far as my weight loss journey that I am grateful for or rather, are my strengths.

1. Lost a few pounds in the first few weeks.
2. Knowledge about eating in moderation.
3. Learning how to follow a schedule.
4. Affirming myself daily.
1/27 "Danca la Solidao" is a song that is quite beautiful.  It makes me want to learn Portuguese all over again.  Marisa Monte is one of my favorite artists.
1/28 Why do I really want to lose weight?  What are my motivations?  Do I really want to lose weight?  How motivated am I?  What do I want?
1/29 I have no clue what kind of person he or she is, but it seems that we are so quick to judge celebrities in a society where many profess Christ. Notice I only wrote profess. Is it ever okay to condemn a celebrity? In other words, why do so many people say "I don't like (fill in the blanks)" or "I hate (fill in the blanks)" even if they don't know the celebrity. The chances of meeting them are slim to none. On the opposite side of the coin, we have people who seem to "worship" the ground the celebrities walk on. I assume that it has always been this way.
1/30 These stories and this paragraph is connected to what I have written last night. I need to read up my thoughts and change my reaction to these thoughts and have a different opinion on these scenarios. I need to move and know how to move forward. If it means to be anxious and feel fear every once in a while, then so be it.
1/31 "Let's Go All the Way" by Sly Fox takes me back to a nostalgic era.
2/1  I am in a world where it is easy to be fearful and avoid what is so fearful.  Being too comfortable involves avoiding what is tormenting us but we all have to face our fears.  Fear after all, is false evidence that appears real. 

Food and Diet Blog Entries
1/24 I overate today.  There is always tomorrow.  I alone made that choice and I hope to never do it again.  Weight Watchers has taught me many things so far, such as how to eat and what to eat.  I am thankful to God that now I am not frustrated and on Weight Watchers.
1/25 Right now, I just finished eating bread.  I realize that this is a lesson.  If I am going to spend money on a program, the least I could do is not to overeat.  I am 14 points so far below the point average.  I obviously take full responsibility for what I have done.  I don't feel bad.  However, like I mentioned earlier, it is still a lesson well learned.
1/26 I just think complaining has brought me down.  It has done nothing good for me, none at all.  I only have 42 points for now.  But I also have a large "deficit".  No one who is spending money on a diet program should have a "deficit" as large as I have.  Planning meals is what will do me some good. 
1/27 I need to follow the goals that I set for myself.  In the past, it was too high to attain or too low.  I am all for a happy medium.  In other words, I needed to be realistic.  I have to push myself yet be realistic.  I think that I did well today.  I ate all of my points and hopefully I will lose weight this time.
1/28 I am still figuring out what I need to do to exercise everyday without giving up.  The problem with me is that I tend to give up easily after a few days.  I tend to procrastinate, do the work, and then quit.  The truth is, there seems to be little time left.  Today I don't feel guilty about what I ate.  However, I would like to plan meals.  I would also like to not only set goals, but to live them.  I need to learn to apply those goals to my life and keep things simple.  I just hope that I don't feel like giving up.
1/29  I realize that I have a major struggle to eat a lot of healthy foods, especially fruits and vegetables. I am not sure I know what I am doing.  I am struggling to do so.  Thankfully I am not struggling to the point where I desire to give up.  Wanting or desiring to give up has lead me to the point I am in now.  I ate 5 or 6 servings of vegetables which is good.  However, I eat a lot of unhealthy foods such as a large amount of sweets.  I need to identify my trigger foods so that I won't overeat.  Losing weight is a journey, but it is a journey that is worth it.
1/30 I did pretty well.  I am well under the limit, which is either good or bad.  I am supposed to consume 42 points today.  I only consumed 31 points, which is probably not enough but I am not guilty of feeling guilty because I overate.  It is still a struggle, but I believe I can do anything that I put my mind to it.
1/31 I am diabetic and I now realize that healthy foods come in a greater variety than I thought.  I have to realize that I also need to do a better job with eating in moderation.  I realize also that I need to make small changes.  I am on Weight Watchers and I have to remind myself that I need to be healthy and eat healthy.  I am getting healthier but not healthy enough.  I would like to know where to start.
2/1  I have an obvious desire to change.  I am nervous however.  I am afraid that I will not stick to an exercise routine.  I like to walk and do other exercises but I am nervous about it.  To many, it makes no sense, but I am anxious about it.  I ate well today and I spent a lot of time learning how to eat.  I figure that doing a lot of work yet eating badly does no good.  So I wonder where I should begin?