Friday, December 27, 2013

Writing has been helpful

I have spent time in the past writing out examples of thoughts that I have been having.  It has been hard to read out those thoughts yet I have managed to keep them for future reference.  I realize that today I am not 100% better.  I have been having obsessive thoughts and suffer from scrupulosity for a number of years.  All I ever wanted was for my thoughts to weaken.  I am happy to say that my thoughts about MR and CO have weakened.  I wrote a rather vulgar story about MR and CO that has helped me to realize that I don't know them.  The chances of my knowing them are slim to none.  I will never know them as far as I know.  It is all vanity; therefore it doesn't matter.  I wonder what my stories would say about them.  What would they say about infidelity?  These stories and this paragraph is connected to what I have written last night.  I need to read up my thoughts and change my reaction to these thoughts and have a different opinion on these scenarios.  I need to move and know how to move forward.  If it means to be anxious and feel fear every once in a while, then so be it.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

What am I so afraid of?

What is it that I am afraid of?  I want to do well for myself by moving forward.  I am afraid of looking at shows, movies, or listen to music where infidelity is a theme.  I am afraid of cheating characters or hearing about them.  I am afraid of triggers.  I don't know how to deal with those triggers as they scare me.  I will watch a movie that sounds good.  It is crazy and I will never understand why the OCD latched unto my strong opinions on infidelity.  I wrote stories about infidelity and I try to avoid it whenever possible.  I obsess about how many affairs the woman in all of my cases have and why she cheats.  In the grand scheme of things it is all vanity but how do I deal with avoidance?

I am afraid of Mickey Rourke, Carre Otis and their namesakes and their friends.  I am afraid that I will not like Carre Otis because she wrote a book that I will never read because I have no interest in reading her book.  I don't even know Mickey Rourke or Carre Otis.  They could both be bad people.  I will never meet them so why does this matter?  I don't know.  It doesn't matter now.  I just have a hard time dealing with it.  It is weakening and it is time to take control as these thoughts have had control over my life.  I only watch movies with Mickey Rourke in it not because of how good the movie is, but because he was in it.  I have to remind myself that it is okay to be a fan, but I am not sure if I can be a fan.  I have been too caught up in Mickey Rourke to even be a fan.

I am just bored with Mickey Rourke, Carre Otis, and Facebook.  My obsessions bore me.  Once they end, it is as if I have to ask myself, what is next?  Why can't I just give myself room to breathe.  I cannot even watch a movie or a simple video without being triggered.  I cannot even read a book without being afraid of a trigger.  My world has gotten smaller, much smaller.  I want to learn and grow and expand my world.  It is not happening as I write this.  Where do I begin?  Why am I so afraid?  How do I overcome my fear?  It is all fiction.  It is all vanity.  I have to constantly remind myself of that I guess.

I am a person who doesn't offend that easily though there are things that are offensive.  It depends on context and on how I would react to something.  How do I overcome the fear that I have?  How does perfect love cast out fear?  What are things that I like to do?  What shows do I like to watch?  What are books do I like to read?  How can I know what movie to watch without being afraid that something like a thought would be triggered by a word or two.  That is scary to me.  A thought would be triggered by a movie review, or anything.  I could use some prayer and I could use some help.  I just hope things will turn out alright.

Homework Assignment 12/20-12/26

Homework Assignment  12/20-12/26
12/20   I love to celebrate because I am a joyful person.
12/21   I care about myself and others around me and I want the best for them.
12/22   I am not vain.
12/23   I can see the world with beautiful eyes.
12/24   I am a nice, not a naughty person.
12/25   I am joyous.
12/26   I am strong and I love myself.

12/20   Today I find myself just bored out of my skull literally. I literally have nothing to write.  This is so sad because I have a recipe, a video, or something to say.  But there is nothing to say or write.  I am just a blank slate with no substance in it.  I am so sorry right now.  I have written about so many things in my life I don't know what else to write.  That is the problem.  Where do I go from here?  Where do I start?  Who do I direct my thoughts on?  It is just a lonely place to be.
12/21   Yesterday I was blank.  Today I am doubtful.  It is quite painful to have doubts.  One minute you are full of faith.  The next minute, all doesn't seem right with the world.  That is how I felt today.  I am questioning myself and doubting God.  There are things that I need but maybe I am focusing on the wrong things.  I am here to write that doubt is close to unbelief.  Unbelief should have no place in a believer's or anyone's life. Maybe it is a good thing that I have doubt, but at least there is a small measure of faith there.  I just don't know how to express that faith.  There is a need that seems impossible to obtain yet I am not sure if even God will supply that need.  It seems so wrong to ask Him.  Maybe I should tell God just how I feel.
12/22   I love this movie.  It is one of a few movies that I watch that I can watch over and over again.  I know it is over 3 hours long, but it doesn't matter to me.  I personally liked the live NBC version and would purchase a DVD copy of the live performance.  Carrie Underwood is not a trained actress by trade, but she did an adequate job otherwise.  Singing is her strong suit.  However, she was believable as Maria.  It I'm sure was not easy to live up to the Julie Andrews movie version.  But a person will always have their haters.  Either way,  the live version was good enough to remind me of the original, which I am watching now.  I personally didn't think the live version was horrible and that I would recommend it.  I would give the live version a 7.5 out of a possible score of 10.  However, I would give the movie a 10 out of 10.  There is nothing horrid about each versions.  Critics were being too hard on Carrie Underwood.  But haters are gonna hate.

12/23   Recipe for Sweet Potato Pie:
2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut-up
1 large egg
1/4 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
2 tsp. nutmeg
2 tsp. flour
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup melted butter or margarine

In a large pot, boil the sweet potatoes.  They would be ready after at least half an hour.  Once they are ready, drain.  Then mash the potatoes in the pot and set aside.

In a large bowl, mix the sugars, flour, vanilla extract, margarine, and spices in a bowl.  In a smaller bowl, temper the egg and the milk because the potatoes are hot.  Add that in and finally add the potatoes.

Once the mixture is well-incorporated, pour into an unbaked deep dish pan.  Bake in a preheated 400 degree oven.  Bake for at least 30 minutes or until the center is set.  Once ready, let pie cool at room temperature for 20 minutes.  Once the pie has cooled, then serve.

12/24   Recipe for Pumpkin Crumb pie with caramel sauce:

Ingredients for pie filling
1 can pumpkin
1 large egg
3/4 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 Tbsp. flour
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup melted butter or margarine

Ingredients for crumb topping
1 stick butter or margarine
1 1/2 cup self-rising flour
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 cup brown sugar
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg

Ingredients for caramel sauce
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup water
1 cup milk
1 stick butter

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  In a large bowl mix all of the ingredients of the pie filling until it is well-incorporated and the batter is smooth.  Set aside.

To make the caramel sauce mix the white sugar and water over medium heat in a medium sized pot or pan. Stir often until the syrup turns brown.  Then add in the brown sugar, and the butter.  Stir until butter is melted and the brown sugar dissolves. Slowly pour in the milk for the syrup will be hot. It is best to take the pan or pot off of the stove to add the milk and then stir until the milk is well-incorporated.  Once well-incorporated, take the caramel mixture off of the stove and set aside.

In a deep baking dish, pour in the pumpkin mixture which was set aside earlier.  Bake in the oven for 30 minutes.

While it is cooking, in a small bowl, mix all of the ingredients for the crumb topping.  Make sure the ingredients are well-incorporated.  Set aside for now.

Once the 30 minutes are up, take out the pie.  Set the pie on a cooling rack and drizzle some of the caramel sauce on top of the pie.  Then add the crumb topping on top of the pie making sure the pie is fully covered. Bake again for another 25 minutes at 375 degrees until the pie is well-set in the center. Once the pie is taken out of the oven, place pie on a cooling rack and let it "rest" for 10 minutes.  Once the 10 minutes are up, then drizzle again with more caramel sauce and let the pie continue to cool.  Once cooled, serve.
12/25   This is truly my favorite time of the year.
12/26   Today is the day after Christmas.  I had a pretty good Christmas yesterday.  I ate way too much food, but at least I received great gifts.  I do hate it when it has to end.  But today wasn't so bad however.

I was wondering if I will ever get to know any celebrity.  I would like to meet some but I cannot recall their names at the moment.  The truth is, I am not sure if I will like these people.  I am sure these are nice folks, but they are just that: folks.  I don't know the people that I will ever obsess or have an idealization about people.  Why am I writing this?  It has been a theme of mine for almost all year long.  I will never get to know any of these people realistically nor should I care.  They are just people after all.  In the grand scheme of things, it is all vanity.

Food and diet blog entries
12/20   No entry.
12/21   I feel so much freer.  I am okay now.  It is still a struggle, but the struggle is well worth it.
12/22   Right now, I am just logging in my weight and needless to say, I have gained weight.  I promise that I will lose the weight, but I have no idea how much weight I want to lose.
12/23    No entry.
12/24    I am sorry I never got around to writing an entry yesterday.  I am worried about myself.  I need help.  I know I need help.  I realize that I need help.  I am concerned for my health.  I am not sure I know who to turn to for help.  I think that I will be okay.  It is even more difficult now that this is Christmas Eve.  I realize that I am more of an emotional eater who needs, wants, and desires to lose weight.  I am scared that I will never lose said weight and that is scary in itself.
12/25   All I can say is Merry Christmas.
12/26   Today is the day that I have started all over.  I don't know what more to do.  I will just leave it in the hands of God.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Homework Assignment 12/13-12/19

Affirmation tweets:
12/13  I am a studious learner.
12/14  I am good at planning things.
12/15  I am loving, kind, and generous.
12/16  I am a loving and kind creation of God.
12/17  I love my curly hair.
12/18  I love my shape, size, and color.
12/19  I am well-aware and confident.

12/13 Another pound cake recipe:
2 eggs
2 cups white sugar
3 cups self rising flour
1 cup softened butter 
2 Tbsp. vanilla extract
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup milk

In a large bowl, mix the sugar, vanilla extract, and the softened butter. Continue beating and slowly add the eggs and beat until it is fluffy in texture. Next add the flour. Beat until well corporated. Then pour in the lemon juice and keep mixing. In a greased and floured bundt pan (preferably), bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 45-60 minutes. After baking for 45-60 minutes, use a butter knife or toothpick and poke in the center of the cake. If it comes out clean, then it is ready. Let cool at room temperature for at least an hour. Then flip the cake onto a plate; store on a cake plate. Finally serve.

12/14  Glazed Chocolate Cake
1 1/2 cups cocoa powder
1 cup chocolate glaze (1 cup cocoa powder, 1/2 cup milk, 1/4 tsp. vanilla extract, 1 cup powdered sugar)
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup (2 sticks) softened butter
3 cups self-rising flour
2 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
3 cups self rising flour

In a large bowl, mix the butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla extract.  Beat mixture until fluffy.  Then add the flour and the cocoa powder.  Beat until well-incorporated.  Pour into a lightly greased and flour  two 8" or 9" pans.  Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 30-45 minutes.  After that time period, poke the center of the cake with a butter knife or toothpick.  If the butter knife or toothpick comes out clean, then it is ready.  Cool at room temperature for 20-30 minutes.  Then frost cake with chocolate frosting.  After cake is frosted, make the chocolate glaze in a smaller bowl.  Mix the cocoa powder, vanilla extract, powdered sugar and milk until well-incorporated.  Slowly pour glaze over cake.  Then finally, serve cake.  Makes about 12 servings.

12/15  It is amazing how much I love to cook.  I consider myself a decent cook.  I am not a chef but I wonder what my cooking repertoire would be if I were a chef.  I spent the past week putting up recipes of various foods, mostly baked goods.  I wonder if I could have been a baker.  I have often wondered a lot of things and I have worked on it, but I tend to procrastinate on my plans.  For a long time, I wanted to own a restaurant or a bakery.  That, however, takes a lot of planning and a lot of funds.  I don't have enough patience for that.  I have been baking since I was a child.  It isn't so easy, but it isn't so hard either.  It is an exact science but it is not rocket science.  Baking is also fun but it is also hard work if one allows it to be.  Baking is therapeutic for me.  I plan to make a Pineapple Citrus Almond Cake.  This is the first time I will bake such a cake.  I have remembered to use more flour than sugar.  I have also used lemon juice, pineapple juice, and orange juice. Now all I have to do is buy the frostings, both lemon and cream cheese or vanilla and also almonds.  I look forward to finishing the cake for Christmas.

12/16  Citrus-Pineapple Cake with Almonds
4 cups of self-rising flour
2 1/2 cups of sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup pineapple juice
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 cup almond butter
3 eggs
1/4 cup orange juice
1 stick softened butter
1 cup slivered or chopped almonds
1 can vanilla or cream cheese frosting
1 can lemon frosting

In a large bowl, combine the sugar, vanilla extract, lemon juice, butter, and eggs; beat until the mixture is fluffy.  Then add 2 cups of self- rising flour, orange, and pineapple juice; beat until mixture is well-incorporated.  Then add the remaining self-rising flour to the mix.  Make sure the batter is thick enough so that the cake won't' fall while it is baking.  If the batter is too thin, add a 1/2 cup of extra flour and another 1/3 cup sugar, and 1/2 tsp each vanilla and lemon extract.

Pour batter into 2-8" or 9" baking pans; bake in a 325 degree oven.  Once those two layers are ready, pour the remaining batter into those pans (making sure they have been floured) and bake in that same oven.  Each layer will bake for 30-45 minutes at 325 degrees.  Use a skewer, knife, or toothpick and poke in the center of each layer.  If they come out clean, then each layer is ready.  After taking each layer out, let it cool for 10-15 minutes.  Once cooled, spread the top of  bottom layer with almond butter; sprinkle with almonds.  Then frost the top of the next layer with lemon frosting.  Then on the top of the third layer, frost with the almond butter and sprinkle with almonds.  Finally frost the rest of the cake with the vanilla or cream cheese frosting making sure the sides are frosted as well.  Sprinkle with almonds.  Finally serve cake.  Will serve at least 12.

12/17  Orange Cupcakes
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups self-rising flour
1 egg
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 stick softened butter
1 cup orange juice

Mix together the butter, egg, sugar, and vanilla extract.  Beat until fluffy.  Then add the flour and orange juice. Beat until smooth and well-incorporated.  Pour slowly into the baking cups.  Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 20-35 minutes.  Use a toothpick to poke in the center of the cupcake.  If it comes out clean, then it is ready to frost and then serve.
12/18  "They Got the Word" by the Mississippi Mass Choir is such an inspirational song.
12/19 I have Christmas music playing in my head today.  It is a feeling of joy I guess.  I feel so much better about how to handle the obsessive thoughts I have been having.  I wish that I could feel this good about the day after Christmas.  I survive on that day every year, but I hate it.  The festivities will end and so will the fun. Today is something else.  I am not in a festive mood however.  I wish that everyday could be like Christmas.

Food and diet blog entries
12/13 No entry
12/14 I am glad that I have written my struggles here.  I feel like giving up and binging.  I don't want to, but that is how I feel.  But I won't give up, no matter what season of the year it is.  I don't feel guilty about what I ate, but I feel like I could do better.
12/15 No entry
12/16 No entry
12/17 I should have written in the last few days.  I gave my summary because..never mind.  I am doing okay and I feel good about my diet and the food that I ate.
12/18 No entry
12/19  I am sorry but I am going to have to have a feast this holiday season.  I understand the risks but I am doing okay.  Help me to not struggle for a while.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Homework Assignment 11/22-12/12

11/22 I attract good things in my life that are needed.

11/23 I bring joy to all around me because I am joyful.

11/24 I am a friend to myself.

11/25 I am happy about my weight.

11/26 I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

11/27 I am prayerful.

11/28 I am thankful.

11/29 I am a thankful, grateful, gracious soul.

11/30 I believe in honor and therefore I practice being honorable.

12/1 The Lord is my Rock and my Salvation...I am saved by Jesus Christ.

12/2 I have learned to say no because it is so freeing.

12/3 God is the owner of my heart.

12/4 I am living my life like it is golden because it is a gift.

12/5 I am strong like steel is strong.

12/6 I love not just the idea of love, but love itself.

12/7 I love myself and I love everyone.

12/8 I am free because I live in freedom

12/9 I am preparing myself for the return of Jesus.

12/10 Life loves me because I love life.

12/11 I believe in change that benefits me.

12/12 I love music and therefore I am a musical person.
11/22 More poetic yesterday and more musical on Wednesday. I am grateful for a lot of things today. Following doctor's orders is quite important. I wished I had followed his and her orders before. I have decided that that is what is best for me. I thought I had all of the answers but I didn't. It left me confused and frazzled. Because of the confusion and stress, I ended up making bad choices and now I am trying to lose weight again. I take full responsibility for my bad choices. I am still in the plateau range but at least I have not gained all of my weight back, which is good news.

11/23 Gift giving and being thankful give me joy. As a believer, I have realized that serving God and serving your fellow man (and woman) is about loving and cherishing others. Christmas and Thanksgiving are times when we should be loving, giving, and thanking God and thanking others. I wasn't sure what the holidays are all about in the past because it seems so cliched. I wasn't cynical mind you, but celebrating these holidays shouldn't just be about having fun, but about being holy.

11/24 We all promise a lot of things but like the title says, "Jesus Promised" His promises like His prophecies are 100%. They are accurate, true, and to the letter. With the Lord, a promise is a promised that will be fulfilled. Christians serve a God who cannot lie. He is Honest and expects all His creation to be the same way.

11/25 Why am I writing this? I am writing this because of the cult of celebrity that is so pervasive in US society at least. These celebrities are images, but they are people at the same time. I am watching "Ellen" and Lady Gaga is being interviewed. What is so amazing is that she is a human who comes across as a real human. She is a talented artist that is a person like all of us. She is not an object to be worshipped. It is okay to like her music, but there are some of us humans who take devotion to a whole new level.

11/26 Jesus is definitely the way, the truth, and the life. It is kind of like the Sabbath. We are to worship and serve the Lord everyday, not just on a specified day of the week or even on Christmas. Christians serve a God who fulfilled the law. We no longer have to live by the law. That means that the law or good works won't save us, but Jesus Christ will save us. I am not meaning to say that the Ten Commandments and the Old Testament are null and void. They are not. Murder is wrong, covetnous is wrong, and so are adultery and theft and idolatry. Those works committed by anyone who has not repentant whether or not they profess Christ with their lips will cause the sinner or false believer to be outside the Kingdom of God. What that means is that one who continues to sin willfully will not enter Heaven or the New Jerusalem. That is what should always be the focus whether or not we should celebrate Christmas.

11/27 The Holy Trinity is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. To best explain the Trinity, they are three members in one Godhead. Most people, including Christians, have little to no understanding who God is, much less each Person in the Godhead. So who is God? Is He a loving God? Is He a Strict Disciplinarian who is waiting to punish us whenever we sin? There are many who either believe in God, but have no relationship with God or those who do and have doubts about Him. The answers to these questions and concerns are in the Bible.

11/28 Psalm 100Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!

2 qServe the Lord with gladness!
rCome into his presence with singing!
3 Know that sthe Lord, he is God!
It is he who tmade us, and uwe are his;1
we are his vpeople, and wthe sheep of his pasture.
4 xEnter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his ycourts with praise!
Give thanks to him; zbless his name!
5 aFor the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his bfaithfulness to all generations.

11/29 Ballet is such a beautiful and intricate dance. I guess that it is how God felt when he created the ballerina. He knew beforehand what each ballerina wanted to be when she grew up. There are girls out there who do want to be ballerinas. I never wanted to be one as I am more of an observer. I am not the greatest dancer but I can see why people aspire to be ballerinas and watch ballet. It is a wonderful combination of the beauty and grace and dedication to one's craft. It is an artform, just like painting or writing a play or acting in a play. I find plays, sonnets, and operas so fascinating. Over the years I have become a fan especially within the last year after watching the Nutcracker. I admit that I have never been to a full-blown opera with its intricate, meticulous attention paid to every detailed note, high and low, and its guided symphonies. They are relaxing and a pleasure to watch. I thought that it would bore me, but it doesn't.

11/30 No entry

12/1 The video of the day is "Candlelight" by Toni Braxton.

12/2 However, I cannot say that it is nostalgic as much tragedy has occurred during that period as well. I cannot recall other sad memories other than those. We are all humans trying to live and survive on this planet. We are created by God, yet flawed and a little lower than the angels. God is the greatest Artist of all time.

12/3 Revelation 22:20-2120 He which testifieth these things saith,Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.
21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

12/4 I do wonder what Mary was thinking when she gave birth to the Savior. I have wondered if He was a rather easy child to raise because to say He would have been well-behaved would be an understatement. I even wondered if Jesus even needed to be disciplined every once in a while. I am sure that Jesus was raised by good parents and that God knew what He was doing when He chose Mary and Joseph to raise Him. I wish I knew what happened during the 18 years from when His parents were looking for HIm to His ministry. What did happen to the Lord over those years? Does it really matter? Maybe it doesn't, but it certainly doesn't hurt to wonder.

12/5 I thank God everyday for all He is and all He has done for me. These three songs have helped me to cope with life's up and downs. I am so thankful that God blessed these voices with the gift of song.

12/6 There are seven things I know that i can do to motivate myself and to never give up.1- respect my body
2- love myself
3- work to overcome binging
4- exercise
5- continue to affirm myself
6- meditation
7- learn to fight against the wiles of the enemy whatever they may be

I have to learn to do those things. I have been binging for the past few days and I have been left frustrated and unhealthy. I am not comfortable in my own skin. I am just tired of being sick of being sick and tired. I have grown that way for a while. The solution is to bring all of my problems to the Lord and cast my cares upon Him. I believe that the Lord will solve all problems and lift heavy burdens. I tend to stress myself out too much and have a desire to give up. I don't know why I tend to make the simple things hard. This time, I am ready for a change.

12/7 Jesus is the Reason for the Season. I believe He is the Reason for all seasons. We are to worship Him in spirit and in truth. I celebrate Christmas all year long. Well, it means that Christmas is about celebrating not just Jesus' birth, but His very life and what He has done for us. I want to remember His whole life all day long. Life is too short not for us to do that for the other 364 days.

12/8 I have created a recipe for penne and cheese, which is similar to homemade macaroni and cheese.

12/9 Fruitcake blondies recipe

12/10 Chocolate Chip Almond Blondies

12/11 Lemon Coconut Cake

12/12 Raisin Cake Recipe

Food and Diet blog entries
11/22   I have decided to follow doctor's order and no longer struggle.  My goal is to consume 1800 calories per day.  I could easily go down to 1400 if need be.  I have struggled to consume those few calories.  My metabolism is rather slow and I wish to lose weight.
11/23    It was actually a struggle today to consume more than 1200 calories.  That is highly unusual for me.  I actually don't know what to make of this.  I hope that I will eventually lose weight starting today.  My metabolism has slowed down over the last 2 weeks.
11/24  I am in need of help.  I am consuming 1800 calories a day yet my metabolism slows.  I hope to have that fixed.  I realize that I eat many fried foods.  I have eaten foods in moderation and I would like to know if I have lost weight.   Maybe life is too short to waste worrying about food intake.  Maybe worrying is helping to slow down my metabolism.  Relax.   
11/25   I am doing well.  However, my blood sugar levels have fallen so I ate more than 1800 calories today.  Right now, I am chewing gum to make sure I don't have hypoglycemia.  I didn't know about the dangers that I could have had other than the nervousness, shakiness, and the outright hunger.  It is quite sudden and it is not fun.
11/26   No entry.
11/27   I forgot to write an entry yesterday.  I am doing well in my diet thus far.  Tomorrow is another day however.  I did eat way too much cereal with sugar just now however.  I don't feel that guilty about eating that much because I consumed less than 1500 calories today.
11/28    No entry.
11/29    Wow.  I consumed almost 4000 calories worth of foods.  It is amazing how much the human body can digest.  I ended up with a headache this morning.  I would like to be able to lose all of that weight by eating 1800 calories or less.  It can be done I guess, but it may take no more than 2400 calories.  I am glad to have lost weight yet I feel that I may have gained that 1.8 pounds back.  I am concerned about my weight since I binged a few weeks ago.  I developed headaches as a result because I was not accustomed to eating so much.  I rarely binge anymore which is a good thing.
11/30  I hope to consume less than 3000 calories today.  I didn't realize that Thanksgiving food and calories and snacks creep up.  I haven't binged but I ate way too much per meal and per sitting.  That is the problem.  I do tend to eat much in one sitting.  However my snacks are high calorie and I am getting better with the small snack/large meal solution yet my meals are too large.
12/1    I surprise myself today.  I consumed less than 2000 not counting drinks.  I am so happy about it.  I am sure that it is a lot less than I think.  I will be weighing myself tomorrow and I will probably eat over the limit.  During the holidays, the calories will eventually creep up.  I will have to be careful come Christmas time.  That was something that I have learned during this past Thanksgiving.
12/2    I have felt so much better yet I have eaten over the 1800-1900-2000-2100 calorie limit.  It is hard for me to go back to business as usual so to speak.  I wish I feel that way because I gained three pounds since I went wild with the food that I ate.  But I am doing a little better.  I do tend to eat mindlessly which I need to learn how to control.
12/3    No entry.
12/4    It is time for me to learn and no longer make excuses.  I just am not happy with myself or my eating habits.  Today is the day that I will make changes.  I need help.  I have been binging for a few days actually.  It is not just hunger.  It isn't greed.  It is a cry for help.  I have given up on me and I am still stressed out.  I thought that my change would not stress me out, but it has.  It is time that I start on myself and get to work.
12/5    I am going to up the number of calories for now.  I have been consuming with a budget of 2480 calories which will cause no weight gain, but maybe some weight loss.  I consumed and binged and consumed and binged.  I need to see someone about this.  I realize that I need help.  The underlying cause is that I feel like giving up.  I don't wish to give up.  I just don't know what I am doing.
12/6    I give up.  Should I just all over?  I need not only motivation but confidence.  I need help setting the goals that I need to lose weight and quit binging.  I give up.
12/7    Lord, help me gain the confidence, the focus, and the motivation and energy needed to lose weight.  I hate what I am doing.  I know I need help.  I am struggling with a binging problem and I cannot stop it on my own.  I ask for Your forgiveness for being a glutton for I lack self-control.  I need to lose weight and I am stressed out about it.  I have been stuck for a while now and I don't know exactly what I need to do.  I give You total and complete control over my exercise regimen, and my eating habits.  Help me, Lord.  Help me.

In Jesus' name,

12/8    I am a glutton.  I have a problem.  I gave up.  What shall I do in the next day?  Next week?  I am not sure, but it sure feels lonely.
12/9    I need to log in my food intake.  I have lost less than half a pound.  I have been gaining weight.  I have gotten lazy.  It is time for me to make a change.
12/10  I will not give up.  I didn't know where to begin.  I still don't but I have trouble being consistent and wanting to lose weight without stress in my life.  That is why I have binged.  I guess it is a form of emotional eating that I need help for.  I am a glutton who needed a Savior who could give me the guidance that I so desperately needed.  Maybe it was the fact that I felt free yet I was trapped because of the food that I ate.  Today I feel pretty calm.  I wonder if it is related to something else.  I needed help controling my appetite.  I also needed help with following doctor's orders.  I have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and PCOS.  Oh, and not to mention I have stress that is hard to manage.  I need help managing my stress.  Life is too short and it has gotten shorter everyday.  Time goes by very fast.
12/11 I promise that I won't give up today. I have yet to give up. I do need to drink more water instead of drinking so much coffee however. I love coffee and have loved it ever since I was a little girl. I remember not being allowed to drink coffee during that time. My dad used to drink coffee. It is amazing what one can remember.
12/12 Well, I have not given up.  I have done well for myself.  I do not feel guilty about what I have consumed today.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

11/15-11/21 Homework Assignment

11/15-11/21 Affirmations
11/15 I am amazing just the way I am.
11/16 I accept my body shape and acknowledge the beauty it holds.
11/17 My future is an ideal projection of what I envision now.
11/18 My healing is already in process.
11/19 Others can trust me because I am trustworthy and reliable.
11/20 I am gracious and grateful.
11/21 I love and approve of myself.

11/15-11/21 Musings
11/15 I have found myself justifying these thoughts and trying to convince myself.  I am not confused about these thoughts.  They have not been as soothing or kind to me as I thought.  They have been nothing but a burden.  They have distracted me, bothered me, burdened me, and woken me up.  It has been quite confusing.  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame.  I have learned to be thankful and to re-direct my thoughts.  I have learned to let the thoughts pass.  I have to do what is hard, and re-directing and letting the thoughts pass is rather hard.

Do they honor God?  No, they do not honor God.  Do they honor me?  That is obviously not true either.  I have asked myself a series of questions not only about the thoughts, but about how I live my life.  I needed to take an inventory of my life and myself.  I have become more aware today than I have on other days.  The feedback of others have become too valuable and mine have not been valuable enough.  I care about others, of course, but I have to care about myself too.
11/16 My motives haven't always been pure.  I realize that I have had selfish motives for wanting to watch tv or movies.  I realize that I have avoided situations because of fear and not because the movie or tv show or song does not honor God.  I admit that I have done dishonorable things and for that, I am no saint.  One who is holy has pure motives.  Mercy and faith go hand in hand with holiness.  Those are things that matter much more to me in the grand scheme of things.
11/17 Being a Christian isn't a walk in the park.  Let me explain.  A true Christian goes through problems like everyone else.  We know that there is also a spiritual fight that we have to face.  We don't wrestle against flesh and blood but we have to fight the very works of the enemy.  The Christian walk isn't just an easy ride, but also a race where sometimes the roads are unpaved.  Many Christians have also been persecuted for their faith.  It has been going on for millenia.  That will not change until the time of the end.  However, we are to be overcomers.  Satan is a deceiver seeking whom he may devourer.  Jesus is the Lord and Savior who conqured hell and the grave.  Jesus Christ has all of the winning tools at His disposal.  Amen.
11/18 I have to admit that nothing has happened.  I have a cold and that is about as exciting as my day went. When the person is you, you have a new perspective on things.  I feel so shallow today because I have relatives who are much sicker than I.  I am not so sure about them, but they seem to be okay.  I wish I was there for my sick relative but I am sick myself. One has to be sick in order to see one perspective, to have that mile walked in their shoes.
11/19 Life is way too short to allow these thoughts to take over my life.  That includes my thought life.  It is important to realize that I have to allow these thoughts to pass.  This morning it took nasty thoughts about being yelled at and being physically ill to realize all of this.  It took a new perspective that I had to learn about myself.  I wish that advice would have set me free, but all of those things didn't  help me because I wasn't bored enough.  I am bored with all of it.  I am not sick of these thoughts.  I wish to move on.  That is what I desire.
11/20 May Whitney Houston rest in peace.
11/21 Today was just another day in a year full of days.  It will always be another day in a year filled with days, weeks, and months.

11/15-11/21 Food and Diet Blog entries
11/16 I do tend to eat over the 1400 calorie limit like I did yesterday.  I did eat in moderation...I did at least eat my snacks in moderation.  However, I should have eaten 200 calories or less in eating my snacks.  One of my problem areas is eating big snacks and sometimes too small meals.  I need to work on that.
11/17 I tried the best I could with staying under the 1400 calorie limit.  I ate too much chicken today.  I am not feeling too well because I have a slight cold right now.  Hopefully I will feel better.
11/18 I binged some today.  Right now, I am struggling to eat 1400 calories per day.  I need to learn "addictive" food such as crackers and potaotes in moderation or not at all.  I have learned a lot not only about diet but about my eating habits.  I also need to exercise more as well.  I am going to stick to the 1400 calories in the next few days or so.  I also plan to even lower consumption of calories.  I have changed my calories low enough.  I eat way too many calories and have gained weight because of it.
11/19 I have made the 1400 calorie mark the first time.  When I say that, I mean that I have barely gone over the 1400 calorie mark.  I did eat a rather huge lunch.  I have to learn that I am to eat like a queen at breakfast, eat like a princess at lunch, and eat like a pauper at dinner.  I finally realize how elitist it is, but I guess it is a way that I will lose weight.
11/20 I finally found out why I eat so much.  I guess it is more emotional than anything.  I have denied it not because I was in denial, but because I didn't know any better.  Despite my issues, my emotions have not gotten in the way of my eating habits.  In other words, I usually don't eat emotionally to solve any issues.  I am concerned that I am not losing any weight and I wanted to binge tonight, but I came pretty close.  I ate 500 calories plus over the limit.  I don't feel bad about it, but I know that I can do much, much better.
11/21 I was just hungry and tired today.  That is the only reason or rather, reasons why I am eating over the 1400 calorie limit.  It is a budget that I go over constantly.  It doesn't bother me that I eat over that limit.  However, it would be nice to eat at that limit.  I don't feel guilty about what I ate or drank today however.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Two productive things to do each month...myself and my family

January- Holidays, learning about gardening

February- Shopping, learning about history

March- Food Preparation, gardening

April- Food preparation, writing

May- Shopping, Spring Cleaning

June- learning about animals, shopping

July- Food preparation, shopping

August - shopping and  budgeting, making a meal plan

September - health and fitness, Shopping

October- Halloween, writing

November - Preparation for Thanksgiving, Helping the Family

December- Giving of Gifts, Cooking and baking

Thursday, November 14, 2013

11/8-11/14 Homework Assignment

11/8     I know that God is always with me. – Isaiah 41:10
11/9     With my heart open to God's renewing love, I accept my healing now.
11/10   Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.
11/11   I am preparing myself for Jesus' return.
11/12   I can stand on my own two feet and move forward with my life.
11/13   I eat slowly and stop eating the moment I feel full.
11/14   I am a gift from God, not only for one season, but for the entire year.

It is about frustration becoming an obsession almost.  It could have easily destroyed what I have worked for when it came to my weight.  Frustration is something that one should not have to deal with.  It is serious and I am serious.  Being too frustrated has not been kind to me and I doubt it will be kind to anyone else.
11/9     Turning things over to God can very well be difficult.  I am so used to want to fix things for myself because oftentimes I feel so powerless.  How ironic is that?  It is true, though.  Powerless is a feeling or is it purely based on reality?  I have learned that power is like a road.  Either you can have power or choose to take your power back or actually be and/or remain powerless.  Life is like a road sometimes because life is a journey of choices.

I have failed to see that sometimes and tend to do things first then think of the consequences later.  That is not a good way to live.  In my case, it is because of a lack of exhibiting self-control.  Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit and there is no law.  I believe that there is no law because it about living for God.  How can a person truly live for God without at least a modicum of self-control?  One who lacks self-control cannot be a good witness for God.

11/10  What I didn't realize was that I needed God. It was around 1:00 or so that afternoon and I went up to a friend's room. I knew that she was a born-again Christian and I started talking to her about all of my problems. I met two other girls, one of them was a freshmen at that time. I literally cried a river and poured out my heart. I was a lonely young woman. I knew it. Then she asked me if I believe that Jesus died for me and that if I believed that Jesus rose on the third day. I told her that I did. Then she mentioned the word "friends". It clicked. That was all I remember from that question. However, I have told her that I will get saved later on that I wanted to go somewhere. Her warning was to me that tomorrow was promised to no one. These were not her exact words, but that is what she meant. I am so glad that I did not hesitate. I prayed with her to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I saw a mental picture of cherub-like angels on a blue background. It was a mental painting almost. Everything seemed different. Things were brighter. One of the girls remarked that I even looked different. God took my pain away. He had started me on a new journey. And for that I praise God. Life is better. I still have my share of problems, but all Christians have their share of problems. Christians will be persecuted for their faith. I went from barely reading the Bible from reading and studying the Bible daily. I prayed mostly in need, but I pray daily. I have changed. Within a year from that day, I transferred to a new school and graduated two years later. I have learned how to handle my problems better. Over time, I have grown to depend on God daily. I have become interested in different things. I have become a different person. I have become wiser, and I thank God for that.
11/11  I would today like to wish a Happy Veterans' Day to all of those who have served our country.  So many of them gave of their lives and they should be greatly appreciated.  However, despite the fact that they should be thanked and that they should have a day set aside for them, everyday should be a day when we thank our veterans.  They have fought valiantly and I, for one, will not forget their service to this country.
11/12  I love giving gifts.  Christmas is a great time of the year, but I think that I, like many in the United States, underrate Thanksgiving.  We as Americans have much to thankful for.  Granted, we have a lot of problems, but most of us don't go to bed hungry.  Many people in other countries do.  I am reminded of them quite often and I am not just thankful, but I am grateful that there are people who show love to those who are in need.  I am not always good at expressing myself, but we as believers are to love and serve those in need, not just because it is the right thing to do and that we are supposed to serve.  We are to love those we serve, and that is the reason we do the right thing.  We love our fellow man, woman, and child.
11/13  RIP, Noah Gerald...I miss you, dad.
11/14  I know that I was supposed to write about Christmas, but I am glad that it turned to something else.  Sure I am talking about Christmas and I even wrote a video about it.  So ironically all of this does tie together.  For that, I am thankful that God has given me so much insight into life that I didn't know that I had.

My Food and Diet Blog Entries
11/8    I have given total and complete control over to the Lord.  I was so frustrated that it left me eating more.  I have binged for the past few days and I am proud of it.  I needed to take inventory of my life.  And I also needed to take inventory over my health.  I admit that I am not in the best health.  I gained weight which is causing me worry.  That is not a good thing.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  So I prayed about it.  I needed wisdom and I believe that my prayer will be answered.
11/9    I did pretty well today.  I do realize, however, that eating smaller portions would be beneficial for me.  Application of certain diet principles or rules would be a great help to me.  Planning in advance would also be of great help to me as well.  Lacking in self-control is an issue for me.  How do I learn to exhibit self-control when it comes to my eating habits so that it doesn't become a vicious cycle?
11/10  I have to admit that I ate a lot of unhealthy foods.  I do tend to eat a lot of fried foods.  I believe that eating unhealthy foods do no good for my health.  I am glad that I am under the calorie limit.  I don't however feel guilty about what I ate.
11/11  I ate some food today that was pretty healthy.  I admit that I  do need to eat more fruits and vegetables.  I also need to read up my blog entries so that I could learn about myself and eat healthier and lose weight.  I am stressed out, which is not good for me.
11/12  I have had enough of binging and overeating!  I need help.  I need, and want to lose weight.  It is one of my greatest desires.  The reasons are for health and for overall well-being.  I am doing this for myself.  Right now, I plan to consume just 1400 calories starting tomorrow.  I need to be consistent with this.  I just want to lose weight.  I am trying too hard and failing miserably.  I want to start all over, but I rather just start anew.
11/13  I am now consuming 1400 calories per day, for now.  I realize that it is normal for people to change the calorie amounts per day.  I don't eat as well as I should.  I need, want, and desire to lose weight.  I have gained some weight from binging.  I have also gotten sick.  I am learning to eat in smaller portions.  Eating that many calories is actually a lot less stressful than I thought, even though I admit that it is a challenge.  It will require a lot of doing what is hard.  I feel pretty good, but I realize that this is a daily thing, not a wedding day thing.
11/14  I have noticed that the less I eat, the more stressful I am.  I do have an urge to eat much or rather more than I desire to eat.  For the time being, I am comfortable with eating a 1400 calorie diet.  It hasn't been much of a struggle so far.  In fact, food doesn't consume my every thought.  I guess it is because of my food intake.  I have been wiser in my food choices as a result.  I don't have any headaches or anything like that.  In fact I feel great.  I can breathe a little easier.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Debbie's Letter from Hell- A Fictional Account about a real subject

Dear family and friends, and the world at large,

I am tormented in this flame. I ask God to save me over and over again. I thought I was a Christian. I should have lived for God, but I lived for myself, and everyone else. I brought my problems on myself. I have no one else to blame.

I was a selfish young woman. I had the whole world ahead of me. How could I be so stupid? It is a scary dark place where people are being tormented day and night, night and day. It is a place I don't wish on my worst enemy.

There is no love, no forgiveness, no peace, and no joy. This is what Hell is like. Hell is a real place, but I didn't believe. Hell is not a false doctrine. I should not have listened to the doctrine of other. Instead, I should have read God's word for myself. This is not a place of rest nor is it a party. The smell is wretched down here. You could hear the gnashing of teeth, the screams, and the cries of regret.

It is my fault. I brought myself to this place because I made one bad choice. God did not send me here, I sent myself here. I should have known that I deserve this fate, but I did not take the time to read or study the Bible, or even thank God. I took God for granted, nor was I thankful.

I was also among the unholy. I lived my life as I pleased. I lived life my way. I did my own thing, and now I regret it. Independence is not always a good thing. Dependence is a most precious thing. Depend on Jesus for salvation, for He is the only way. Why didn't I listen? I had friends who are Christian. I thought I was saved because I said a prayer, but I left it at that. I did not live for the Lord nor did I serve Him.

I cried out to God for help, but is of no use. I will never see my loved ones . I will never wake up in the morning. I will never prepare breakfast for my kids. I will never read them a story and kiss them good night. I wish I could tell them that I loved them, but I cannot. I cannot even contact my loved ones and ask how they are doing. I was a good person, but being good is not enough. I could have been among the saved, but it is too late for me. Don't let it too late for you.


Debbie Colmes


Debbie Colmes

Sunday, November 10, 2013

There are no contradictions in the Bible


What does the Bible really say about wine?

According to the Book of Proverbs, "wine is a mocker, a strong drink". The Bible says outright that drunkeness is wrong, not just for health reasons, but because of its overall destruction.

While it is true that Jesus turned water into wine, most people drink wine in moderation. Also, there were benefits to drinking small to moderate quantities of wine such as for the stomach and anti-oxidation. So as with most everything, be careful with what you put into your body. Also know of the consequences of your actions and how they will affect others as well as yourself.

The Bible has answers for all of these questions.

No, the Bible does not contradict itself. To say that the Bible contradicts itself is to say that the Author has contradictory views. That in itself is not true. God cannot lie. He does not compromise. His word says that there is a right and wrong. That is why He wanted Moses to show the newly freed slaves the Ten Commandments. And the reason why Jesus was born of a virgin, preached the gospel, was crucified for the sins of the world, and rose on the third day. That is why Jesus promised us the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. He teaches us, guides us, and convicts us of sin, righteousness, and judgements.

On this page, I have written questions that people often use to prove that the Bible contradicts itself. The Bible is a book that gives reproof, corrects us, and gives us instruction. It is inspired of by God.(from 1 Timothy 3:16)
We live in a time where people scoff at the Lord's return. People abandoned God and choose to do all manner of evil things. So don't be surprised that people will say unkind things about God, the Bible, and Christians. We have to answer those who are lost and lack understanding. The Truth is our weapon.
Here are answers to common questions people may have:

1. If God is a God of peace, then why did Jesus talk about division? In Matthew 10:34, Jesus said that He came not to bring peace, but a sword. There will be divisions amongst family, for many will sacrifice everything for Jesus. There are some who will love their families, money, or anything other than Jesus. Verses 38-39 state the consequences of this love.

2. I thought people aren't supposed to kill anyone. Why are wars and the death penalty justified? In Numbers 32, God commissioned a war against the Midianites and various people because of their sins. God hates sin and punished those who allowed sin into their camps and into their nations. From Romans, "The wages of sin is death." People tend to forget that God is a God of Justice and yes, He does get angry. As for the death penalty, the death penalty was and still not an act of murder. It was for deterring crimes. It was used against those who murdered someone with malice. There were laws in the Old Testament for things from accidental murder, self defense, to outright lying.

3. If God is love, then why are homosexuality and interracial marriages wrong? Leviticus 18:22 states, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." This is not about hating gays and lesbians. It is about committing an act that is wrong in God's sight. No where in the Bible did it say that interracial relationships or marriages wrong. The Isrealites were not allowed to enter into relationship with neighboring peoples because they were pagans. Race had nothing to do with it.

4. I thought that God is the only one who can judge us; what does the Bible mean when he is supposed to talk about men judging angels? 1 Corinthians 6:3 asks,"Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?" Paul was writing about how the believers shall appear, namely in judicial matters before the world. He did not mean in any other way that we have the right to judge others, because we don't.

5. Does the Bible justify slavery? Remember that the Bible was written in ancient times, and various people enslaved other peoples. But in no way does the Bible justify enslaving other people as was the case in the Americas. People who enslaved others were to treat them humanely and then to set them free. But I haven't read any passages where slavery was outright justified. In fact, Paul wrote that as believers, we should be a slave or servant to no one.

6. Why does one belief have to be better than others?The answers are in Revelation 9 and Revelation 21:8. Revelation 9:20-21 20 And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk: 21 Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.

Revelation 21:8 8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

7. Why does God love some and love others? I was taught to love everybody. You are supposed to love everybody. God was referring to those who obey His commandments and those who don't. He hates sin and punishes sin.

8. Peter denies Jesus and Jesus forgives him. I thought if we deny Him, then He will deny us? True, 2 Timothy 2:12 does say, "If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:" Jesus forgave Peter. Peter was remorceful at what He has done for Jesus' prediction came true. Jesus was God in the Flesh. He died for our sins, including Peter's.

9. Some men in the Old Testament had more than one wife. Isn't that wrong? A man was supposed to have one wife, and for that it is wrong. In many Eastern societies, many wealthy men had more than one wife and many other women.

10. Didn't someone say something about a "perfect hatred"? It was David. In Psalm 139:22 he says, "I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies." David hated them because of their wickedness, not because of who they are. He didn't hate them as in bad blood hatred, but in righteous indignation.

11. Doesn't the curse of Ham and the blessing of Japheth prove that Christianity is a White Man's religion? Was Ham black? Genesis 10 is a genealogy of the human racial family. There is no such thing as a white race, a black race, or any other race except for the human race. We are all descended from one family: the family of Adam and Eve. Christianity is first of all, not a white man's religion. Japheth was not "white" and Ham was not "black". Japheth was the ancestor of the Indo-European peoples which include the English, Irish, Italians, Germans, Armenians, and Cypriots. Ham was the ancestor of the Libyans, Afro-Americans, and the Egyptians. Their brother Shem was the ancestor of the Arabs, and Hebrews. The curse was about Ham uncovering Noah's nakedness, not about race.

12. The Bible said that money is the root of all evil. Does that mean that it is wrong for people to have money? According to 1 Timothy 6:10, it is the love of money that is the root of all evil not money itself. It is not wrong for people to have money. Job, Esther, and King David were righteous people who were extremely wealthy.

13.Do Christians not have to follow the rules that everybody else have to follow? Seems like that most Christians are a bunch of hypocrites. Christians are not supposed to be hypocrites. We all have to give account for how we live our lives on this planet. All of us are supposed to follow God's rules, but most people don't.

14. Why does God love some more than He loves others? He doesn't. Jesus died for the sins of the world so that all might come to repentance.

15. If it is wrong to have money, then what is having life abundant (from John 10)? The abundant life doesn't have to be just financial abundance. It could be spiritual or physical abundance. In other words, Jesus was talking about a person being made whole.

16. I thought believers are supposed to have the Sabbath on the seventh day. Why do Christians celebrate it on the first day? Not all do. Seventh Day Adventists celebrate a Saturday Sabbath. In the Book of Acts, a group of believers began to fellowship the first day of the week. From that, most Christians follow the Sunday Sabbath.

17. Does the Bible condone sexism? No, it does not.

18. Paul said be a servant to no one, but slavery is mentioned to no one and Jesus was talking about servitude. What is that about? It refers to humility and service. There is a difference between servitude and slavery.

19. I thought there were certain things Christians aren't supposed to do. Why did Paul say not to judge them on those things? (from Romans 14) Paul was writing in Romans 14:3 about manmade laws and stumbling blocks that could hurt the unity of the church. Romans 14:3 says, "Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him."

20. I thought all sins are forgiven, no matter how bad. Why not the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit? Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the outright rejection of the Holy Spirit in word. In other words, you will not be forgiven for saying anything evil,or negative against the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth; He convicts us of sin, righteousness, and judgement. To outright reject the Truth is to reject God, for the Holy Spirit is of the Trinity or Godhead.

21. Is all divorce wrong? No. The only way divorce is acceptable in the Bible is in cases of adultery and fornication.

22. I thought that Jesus was baptized in water. What does Holy Spirit baptism mean? He was. Jesus promised the Holy Spirit to us. The Holy Spirit came upon a diverse group of believers in Acts 2. The congregation received power from on high. When someone is baptized in the Holy Spirit, they receive one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which include speaking in tongues, interpreting tongues, prophecy, faith, working of miracles, and wisdom.

23.Are some of the Ten Commandments of no effect now that we live in the New Testament? No. The Ten Commandments are still effective, no matter what Testament we live in. We live in the Age of Grace, which means that we don't have to offer sacrifices to be forgiven.

24. What is predestination? Romans 8:30 says, "Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified." God already knew plans for our lives before we did, but God gave us the freedom of choice.

25.Is it wrong to be angry? When we hold on to our anger or when we don't control it, then it is wrong. When anger is righteous indignation, as in the case of Jesus at the temple throwing the moneychangers' tables, then no, it is not wrong. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26, "Be ye angry, and sin not."

26. Why does God allow suffering to happen? It is best answered with a summary of the Book of Job. God allowed the Devil to inflict him with illness and other problems. He lost his wife, his children, his servants, his home, and his livestock. He was also inflicted with boils. But unlike many, Job did not blaspheme or abandon God. God also gave us freedom of choice and our choices have consequences, some more catastrophic than others.

27. Why did God change His mind about punishing Nineveh? Jonah 3:10 says, "And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not." The Ninevites repented of their sins.

28. If God is such a loving God, then why is there a Hell?There is a Hell because people chose not to accept the free gift of salvation. They would not repent of their sins. They did not put God first in their lives.

29. Why is God considered a Jealous God if jealousy is wrong?Jealousy and envy are wrong, though they are pretty much the same thing. God is a Jealous God because He wants for us to worship and serve Him. He wants us to love Him and obey Him. He is the only True Living God.

I hope I have answered your questions
I hope I have proven that the Bible doesn't contradict itself. While we as humans have so many questions to ask God, never assume that God makes mistakes. Never let your questions cause you to doubt the Bible's validity or God Himself. If your beliefs cloud your judgement about God and the Bible, then you need to open your eyes. If you have never received Jesus, backslidden, or are not sure you are saved, I ask that you pray this prayer, or something similar:

"Lord Jesus, I am a sinner in need of a Savior. I confess all of my sins to You. I am not proud of the fact that I have not put You first in my life. I had doubts about You and didn't trust You at all. I repent of my sins. Forgive me. Come into my heart. I accept You as Lord and Savior. Thank You for saving me, in Your name, Jesus, Amen."

Who is the Holy Trinity?

Holy Spirit
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

Who is the Holy Trinity?

The Holy TrinityGod the Father, Jesus the Son, and our Comforter, The Holy Spirit

Revelation 1:8
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Romans 8:26-27
26 In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak that we are.  For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit Himself pleads with God for us, in groans that words cannot express.
27 And God, who sees into the hearts of men, knows what the thought of the Spirit is; for the Spirit pleads with God on behalf of His people, and in accordance with His will.

Isaiah 12:2
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation

Isaiah 54:5
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called

The Holy Trinity is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. To best explain the Trinity, they are three members in one Godhead. Most people, including Christians, have little to no understanding who God is, much less each Person in the Godhead. So who is God? Is He a loving God? Is He a Strict Disciplinarian who is waiting to punish us whenever we sin? There are many who either believe in God, but have no relationship with God or those who do and have doubts about Him. The answers to these questions and concerns are in the Bible.

God the Father is known by many names: Yahweh, Jehovah, Yehovah, Heavenly Father, Father God, Lord God, Yah, Creator, etc. He............... He has the power to forgive sins. He is a limitless, boundless God. He is omniscient and omnipotent. He is Almighty and all-powerful. He is also a Jealous God because He is the only true God. He is not only a loving Father, but a fearless Judge. He is non-compromising God who hates sin. He will punish the wicked, as written in His Word. His word is True because He cannot lie, nor does He expect us to lie without penalty. God is written with human emotions such as anger and laughter.

God the Son is also known by many names: Jesus, Lord, Yeshua, Emmanuel, Redeemer, Savior, Lord of Lords, etc. Isaiah 54:9 calls Him, "Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.". He too has the power to forgive sins. He was the Babe born in a manger to a virgin. Then by about 30 years old, He began a three year ministry where He healed the sick and preached the gospel of repentance. Jesus However, was not just any Teacher. He was God in the flesh. He paid the price for our sins by being crucified. We were according to 1 Corinthians 7:23 "bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men." Within three days, He rose from the dead. He is the only way to the Father; there is no other way. He is the only One who can save us. Through faith in Him we became "more than conquerers" (Romans 8:37) and "dead to sin". (Romans 6:2). He is the One who set us free from the curse of sin, Hell, and thus eternal death.

God the Son is also a joint-heirs along with Him. He and the Father are one. If we call out to Him in the Name of the Son, it will be done. He gave the disciples, and us, parables about the Kingdom of Heaven, Hell, and abiding in Him. Jesus called Himself, the "True Vine" and the Father, "the Husbandman." (John 15:1).

Jesus also gave us an account of who the Holy Spirit is and an even better understanding of the Trinity in John 14:
John 14
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
7 If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
8 Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
9 Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father?
10 Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.
11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.
12 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
20 At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.
21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
22 Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?
23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
24 He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.
25 These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.
26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
29 And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.
30 Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me.
31 But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, even so I do. Arise, let us go hence.

The Holy Spirit is also called the Holy Ghost. He is the least understood Person in the Godhead. He intercedes for us in prayer. He is our Comforter, Guide, and is the Spirit of Truth. However, He does not speak of Himself. He is always spoken of in the Third Person. He, like the Father and the Son, were part of the Creation in Genesis. The Holy Spirit, like the rest of the Godhead, is to be reverenced in fear. However, blaspheming Him will not be forgiven.

Hopefully, this page has helped you understand about the Trinity, or Godhead. If you have never been born-again or truly accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, I ask that you pray this prayer:
"Lord Jesus Christ, I am a sinner in need of a Savior. The Holy Spirit is the One who has convicted me of my sins and I repent of my sins. I accept You now as Lord and Savior. I ask that my name be written in the Lamb's Book of Life. I thank You for saving me. In Your name, Jesus, Amen."

What Can We Learn from Esther?

Being a virtuous woman is being a woman of great value. It is a sad fact that there are many women who are lacking in character and virtue. An even bigger shame is that many characteristics of a woman who lacks virtue seem to be lauded by many in society. Characteristics of virtuous women, ironically, are seen as outdated and perpetuating stereotypes of women who would like to be set back decades, for a lack of better terms.

However, in the Bible, there are many examples of a virtuous woman, whether she is a wife, mother, or career woman. Proverbs writes of the virtuous wife of noble character as a woman who is industrious, faithful, trustworthy, loving, unselfishness, and most of all rare. This is in stark contrast to the woman who is adulterous and lacking in respect for herself and others. Few or no things are sacred to her, including family, marrige, God, and country. She is the simple woman who lacks wisdom and understanding and that her ways are towards death and destruction and that is sad. (Proverbs 7, Proverbs 31:10-31)

The Bible illustrates contrasts between the virtuous wife and the one who is simple, lacking in grace and character, and integrity. Proverbs 7 was such a case with the adulteress who is the total opposite of the virtuous wife for she is unfaithful, loud, stubborn, and deceitful. Her way and the way she takes others are the road to hell. She is a negative influence to others and she is not respected, even though she may be beautiful or wealthy or educated. The Book of Esther issues a contrast with the types of women I have just described in the book. Women can either be a great influence, as Esther was, or a negative influence, as Jeresh, the wife of Haman was. Queen Vashti could have been a negative influence on the other women of the kingdom and her husband knew it. Like public figures today, those of times past were held to a high standard and King Xerxes knew this. Queen Vashti was beautiful, but she embarassed her husband by refusing to be presented in front of his subjects. She was not like the submissive wife, who was the loyal wife who does not disrespect her husband nor tries to usurp his authority. (Esther 1-2:4, 5:14, 6:12-14, Proverbs 7, Ephesians 5:22-33)

Many other lessons could be learned from the Book of Esther and that is the role of women. They could be an influence, both negative and positive. It is said that men build the house while women keep the house. This is true. Men are called to be the heads of the household, not emasculated. The man is the head while the woman is the neck. Nothing could be further from the truth with Jeresh who was part of Haman's decision to have Mordecai hanged. Her influence like the influence of any woman could bring about peace and prosperity or ruin and destruction. Women such as Esther used her power wisely, for what she has done has saved the Jewish people. She obeyed Mordecai's instructions not to tell the King that she was Jewish. The rewards of wisdom is just as great as the price paid for being foolish, if not greater. (Esther 8-10, Proverbs 8-9) Another lesson to be learned is that if a person digs a pit for one, they will fall in it themselves. One who sows corruption reaps corruption. In short, what goes around comes around. Haman plotted wickedness against Mordecai and in the end he and his sons were hanged. What was meant for evil, God could mean or use for good. And the Book of Esther is proof of this. (Esther 8-10) The most beautiful woman is a woman who has strength of character, dignity, unselfish and unfailing love. She is a woman who treats people with respect and dignity. She follows the "Golden Rule". She cares for the less fortunate, her family, herself, and most of all God in word, deed, and action. Her way is that of even greater rewards than the world offers, for her rewards are incorruptible. (Esther 8-10, Psalm 57:6, Amos 7:17, Matthew 7:12, Romans 10:9-10, 1 Cor 9:24-27, 2 Cor 5:10, Philippians 1:21-30, 1 Timothy 2, 2 Timothy 4:7-8, 1 Thess 2:19-20, James 1:12, 1 Peter 3:7, 5:1-4, Revelation 2, 21, 22)

Is Jesus the Lord of Your Life?

Idolatry is simply put, the worship and adoration of any representation that is on earth or in the heavens. Any one who puts anyone or anything before God is an idolater; idolatry is an abomination before God. God is a jealous God and desires that only He is to be worshipped. John 4:24 is about seeking those who will worship Him in Spirit and in truth. Idolators cannot worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth because they worship images. Their gods are false.

The Bible writes of gods who can neither speak nor hear. Their eyes are not opened because they cannot see. They cannot answer prayer, nor are they creators of life. They are created by man. Paul writes in Romans 1 of idolators and those of the world who were neither thankful. They did not glorify God nor worship Him in spirit and in truth for they were unrepentant in their deeds. They were sinful and godless. Idolators are foolish in that they worship impersonal gods some of which are either embodiments of people or are themselves humans. Human beings cannot forgive sin for we are fallible. We can be used as instruments of God, but that does not mean we are gods, nor should we as humans expect others to worship any of us.

Idolators are foolish in that they are missing out in the blessings that worshipping the True God brings. They don't realize how good they would have it worshipping the Lord because they are outside the kingdom of God. They are deceived into thinking someone or something else is worthy of greater adoration than He. Idols or other gods do not love us. They will not show us mercy nor can they save or deliver. They are cold and lifeless. They are devoid of love and compassion. They should be forsaken and not appeased. They cannot bring everlasting joy and peace. They certainly cannot bring everlasting life. Only our Heavenly Father can do that for He alone can answer prayer. He is the Only God that is worthy of fear and reverence. He is omnipotent and omniscient; He knows all and sees all.

None of the other gods or idols are eternal, for they are corruptible and bring about corruption. The end for idolators is destruction. Unrepentant idolators, those who go "whoring after other gods" will have their part in the Lake of Fire. They are amongst those outside of the gates of the city for they are unbelievers for they have not been forgiven, born-again Christians, or followers of Christ. They have degraded themselves for false gods in exchange for appeasement against disaster, sickness, and death. Those who believe in and follow the Lord Jesus do not degrade themselves. They love, serve, and honor only the Lord. Jesus Christ is their only Lord and only He can save.

Repent of idolatry, for Jesus is the Only Way, Truth, and Life and no man can come to the Father except Him. He is the Vine and the Husbandman. He is faithful and True. Who or what is your God? Buddha? Allah? Money? Sex? Don't let it stand in the way of having a relationship with Jesus Christ. Turn to Him, for He alone can save and deliver. No other god can do that.

Verses to Read: Exodus 20:3-6, Leviticus 17, 19, Deuternomy 7, 28, 1 Kings, 2 Kings, Books of Hosea, Jeremiah, and Lamentations, Habbakuk 2:18-20, Romans 1:18-24, Revelation 20-21

What We Can Learn from Rahab

Joshua 2
(1) And Joshua the son of Nun sent out of Shittim two men to spy secretly, saying, Go view the land, even Jericho. And they went, and came into an harlot's house, named Rahab, and lodged there. (2) And it was told the king of Jericho, saying, Behold, there came men in hither to night of the children of Israel to search out the country. (3) And the king of Jericho sent unto Rahab, saying, Bring forth the men that are come to thee, which are entered into thine house: for they be come to search out all the country. (4) And the woman took the two men, and hid them, and said thus, There came men unto me, but I wist not whence they [were]: (5) And it came to pass [about the time] of shutting of the gate, when it was dark, that the men went out: whither the men went I wot not: pursue after them quickly; for ye shall overtake them. (6) But she had brought them up to the roof of the house, and hid them with the stalks of flax, which she had laid in order upon the roof. (7) And the men pursued after them the way to Jordan unto the fords: and as soon as they which pursued after them were gone out, they shut the gate. (8) And before they were laid down, she came up unto them upon the roof; (9) And she said unto the men, I know that the LORD hath given you the land, and that your terror is fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land faint because of you. (10) For we have heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red sea for you, when ye came out of Egypt; and what ye did unto the two kings of the Amorites, that [were] on the other side Jordan, Sihon and Og, whom ye utterly destroyed. (11) And as soon as we had heard [these things], our hearts did melt, neither did there remain any more courage in any man, because of you: for the LORD your God, he [is] God in heaven above, and in earth beneath. (12) Now therefore, I pray you, swear unto me by the LORD, since I have shewed you kindness, that ye will also shew kindness unto my father's house, and give me a true token: (13) And [that] ye will save alive my father, and my mother, and my brethren, and my sisters, and all that they have, and deliver our lives from death. (14) And the men answered her, Our life for yours, if ye utter not this our business. And it shall be, when the LORD hath given us the land, that we will deal kindly and truly with thee. (15) Then she let them down by a cord through the window: for her house [was] upon the town wall, and she dwelt upon the wall. (16) And she said unto them, Get you to the mountain, lest the pursuers meet you; and hide yourselves there three days, until the pursuers be returned: and afterward may ye go your way. (17) And the men said unto her, We [will be] blameless of this thine oath which thou hast made us swear. (18) Behold, [when] we come into the land, thou shalt bind this line of scarlet thread in the window which thou didst let us down by: and thou shalt bring thy father, and thy mother, and thy brethren, and all thy father's household, home unto thee. (19) And it shall be, [that] whosoever shall go out of the doors of thy house into the street, his blood [shall be] upon his head, and we [will be] guiltless: and whosoever shall be with thee in the house, his blood [shall be] on our head, if [any] hand be upon him. (20) And if thou utter this our business, then we will be quit of thine oath which thou hast made us to swear. (21) And she said, According unto your words, so [be] it. And she sent them away, and they departed: and she bound the scarlet line in the window. (22) And they went, and came unto the mountain, and abode there three days, until the pursuers were returned: and the pursuers sought [them] throughout all the way, but found [them] not. (23) So the two men returned, and descended from the mountain, and passed over, and came to Joshua the son of Nun, and told him all [things] that befell them: (24) And they said unto Joshua, Truly the LORD hath delivered into our hands all the land; for even all the inhabitants of the country do faint because of us.

Matthew 1:5-8
(5) and Salmon begat Boaz of Rahab, and Boaz begat Obed of Ruth, and Obed begat Jesse, (6) and Jesse begat David the king. And David the king begat Solomon, of her [who had been] Uriah`s, (7) and Solomon begat Rehoboam, and Rehoboam begat Abijah, and Abijah begat Asa, (8) and Asa begat Jehoshaphat, and Jehoshaphat begat Joram, and Joram begat Uzziah

Jos 6:17 "...only Rahab the harlot shall live, she and all that [are] with her in the house, because she hid the messengers that we sent. "

Jos 6:23-25
(23) And the young men that were spies went in, and brought out Rahab, and her father, and her mother, and her brethren, and all that she had; and they brought out all her kindred, and left them without the camp of Israel. (24) And they burnt the city with fire, and all that [was] therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the LORD. (25) And Joshua saved Rahab the harlot alive, and her father's household, and all that she had; and she dwelleth in Israel [even] unto this day; because she hid the messengers, which Joshua sent to spy out Jericho.

Prov 2:16 " To deliver thee from the strange woman, [even] from the stranger [which] flattereth with her words; "

Prov 7:10-14
(10) And, behold, there met him a woman [with] the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. (11) (She [is] loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: (12) Now [is she] without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) (13) So she caught him, and kissed him, [and] with an impudent face said unto him, (14) [I have] peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.

James 2:25
Likewise also was not Rahab the harlot justified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way?

Keeping in mind that a harlot could also mean an inkeeper,when most people think of the word harlot someone who is unsavory and promiscous comes to mind. It is true that the Bible has much to say about those who commit sexual sins such as homosexuality, adultery, and prostitution. All life is important. All humans are important and are created by God. Nobody has the right to look down on someone else. The gospel isn't just for the believer, or the person living in the suburbs. It is also for the homeless, the pimp, gluttons, liars, prostitutes, as well as those in the suburbs and believers..

God uses people who the world consider unlikely to accomplish his goal. In this case, God used Rahab to hide the messengers and in turn save their lives. God's word has been called from "inspired" to "contradictory". It is the inspired word of God, yet harlotry is a sin and a harlot was justified by her works. A harlot is a woman who is shameless, unrepentant, and indiscreet, yet a harlot is the one who gave the messengers a way of escape after she was promised safety from destruction for herself and her family. Rahab's story is not only proof of God's use of the unlikeliest of people, but also of God's faithfulness. He is the God that cannot lie. For that reason alone, God's word is not and cannot be contradictory.

Rahab is among a number of women in the Bible who have been given honor for their deeds, their faith, and their virtue. She is of the lineage of Jesus Christ according to Matthew 1. She is the mother of Boaz. Boaz is the husband of Ruth, the virtuous woman who stayed with her mother-in-law. God hates sin and is outraged by the ways of the wicked and He is Judge. He is also the one who judges the heart of man, not just the deeds of man. Rahab has been remembered and justified by what she did. James is saying we are justified by our works. Granted we are saved by grace. But our works justify us, or back up our faith. Whatver one has done in the past, we don't have to allow the past to define who we are today. God gave us free will. We don't have to be stuck in the past or allow guilt to hold us back.

If you think that what you did was so bad that you cannot be forgiven, then it is not true. The only sin that cannot be forgiven is sin that is unconfessed and blaspheming the Holy Spirit. No matter the station in life, God loves you. Jesus died on the cross for you and God raised Him from the dead. Whatever any of us has done, come to God. God does forgive. He is not a cosmic, far off being who sits in judgement. But he is the Great Judge and he will judge all sin. But he is also the loving God that others have talked about. Just talk to him. He will forgive you. All you have to do is call on the name of Jesus Christ and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead and you will be saved.