Saturday, July 11, 2015

My thoughts about having OCD and relationships

Having OCD can suck.  Sometimes I hate certain words because of the negative connotation of such words. Strangely enough, there are times when I wish I had OCD thoughts about something else like dolls or cars. I hate having these thoughts about infidelity and fictional thoughts about infidelity.  I tried to reason it out, but it only lasts for a few seconds.  I have made a conscious choice not to be anxious but that only lasts for a while.  I have to be honest.  I hate having these thoughts and wasting my time on these thoughts, but somehow I derive pleasure out of reading the infidelity stories.  That seems so deceptive and it is.  I had to realize that because of the fact that OCD is a disease that I have to live with for the rest of my days.  I hate to write that.  I hate the fact that OCD has allowed me to become consumed with thoughts and doing research on a subject that I have no idea how to relate to.  I have never cheated nor ever been cheated on. Fictional movies scare me at times. That is why I need to either change the channel, distract myself, or turn the TV off.  I need to take a break.  I am not currently in a relationship.  I would like to go on the dating scene or even find a husband.  I wonder if it is that time yet.  I have no idea what really goes into a relationship so why the OCD thoughts?  Does it matter?  Even if it did, I only have theories.  I guess I will never know.

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