Saturday, July 11, 2015
My thoughts about having OCD and relationships
Having OCD can suck. Sometimes I hate certain words because of the negative connotation of such words. Strangely enough, there are times when I wish I had OCD thoughts about something else like dolls or cars. I hate having these thoughts about infidelity and fictional thoughts about infidelity. I tried to reason it out, but it only lasts for a few seconds. I have made a conscious choice not to be anxious but that only lasts for a while. I have to be honest. I hate having these thoughts and wasting my time on these thoughts, but somehow I derive pleasure out of reading the infidelity stories. That seems so deceptive and it is. I had to realize that because of the fact that OCD is a disease that I have to live with for the rest of my days. I hate to write that. I hate the fact that OCD has allowed me to become consumed with thoughts and doing research on a subject that I have no idea how to relate to. I have never cheated nor ever been cheated on. Fictional movies scare me at times. That is why I need to either change the channel, distract myself, or turn the TV off. I need to take a break. I am not currently in a relationship. I would like to go on the dating scene or even find a husband. I wonder if it is that time yet. I have no idea what really goes into a relationship so why the OCD thoughts? Does it matter? Even if it did, I only have theories. I guess I will never know.