Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Dove and the cross

Having OCD has taught me that embracing a thought is almost difficult, especially when the thoughts are annoying, or worse.  I remember when it was much worse.  It all happened in the matter of just over eight years.  All of my health problems came upon me at once.  There were times when things were really bad. My situation was so bad that I began to use the internet as a form of safety.  In other words, the internet helped shield me from the world.  What is so ironic is that this is also the same instrument that has kept the anxiety and compulsions going.  I never struggled to embrace these thoughts fully.  In fact, I am fearful that a new sudden thought will arrive.  It is not really a matter of if, but when.  This dove is a symbol of peace that I finally have once I realize that none of these thoughts will have any real impact on my life.  For me at least, the truth is, I realize that it matters less and less.  I don't have to fight it or convince myself.  It only makes things worse.  I guess that is what acceptance really is, and today's lesson, not only gives me comfort, but also gives me some clarity, which is exactly what I need.

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