I need to understand that I have questions and need understanding of what a spiritual reflection truly is. I also need to understand that the image I love is no longer with us. I confess that I thought I was in love with him. I had feelings about this man that I realize are ungodly. I felt sick about some of those thoughts. Maybe I felt like I was going crazy. I accept that I have this obsession. While I do want this to end, I realize that this almost year long crush is just that, a crush. It is weird to have one of those at my age. However, I am not too old to have an obsession. I have become obsessed with him and the very image and thought about him. In strange ways it has held me back from things that are more important. I wonder if that was what God said about dying to self and taking up my cross daily. I am supposed to renew my mind daily. The truth is, that will be impossible, well almost. I have finally realized that it is possible. I have had obsessive thoughts that have gone too far. I even felt like I was losing it. I accept that too. Complaining about it and fussing over it does not help. I was even wondering where he is. I wanted this man, or so I thought. It has been hard to confess in the past, but not anymore. I finally realize that I can take back some semblance of my life. I can fall in love, get married, and have kids. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.