Saturday, February 28, 2015

The "Root" of my issues

It is best to ignore those thoughts.  Say them out loud.  Try to not let the triggers get to you.  Let the thoughts pass.  Maybe it is even better if I don't talk about them.  I guess they are all residues of past thoughts that have bothered me.  I think it is a tacky for a man or a woman to expose or humiliate their exes.  Writing a book about one's life is one thing but to post a nude picture of a cheating male or female in order to humiliate them is tacky and it is wrong.  It makes me wonder sometimes if having a relationship is worth it.  Then again, I am not in a relationship, what do I know?  I am only an armchair quarterback when it comes to these matters.  I want to fall in love with a wonderful man, marry him, and have kids with him.  I will be faithful, honest, kind, and overall a good wife to him. I would expect him to be a good husband to me.  I am only basing my opinions and views on my life and the role models I have had.  My parents were happily married for 23 years before my father died when I was 12.  I don't know of anything else, so I guess I know what not to do and how not to conduct myself in a relationship.  Maybe that is why I have those thoughts.  The idea of sin seems exciting and hearing about them is exciting.  It is a good topic of conversation.  However, it doesn't make it right and now I feel like I bear the consequences of that curiosity.  The curiosity has become compulsive and gossip is something that I now avoid.  Infidelity is wrong.  Keeping it going and not dealing with it head on is just the wrong way of going about things.  I am writing about all of this because writing is cathartic and I am tired of having these thoughts in my head.  Exposing them helps me to see that I don't have to take everything so personally.  That has been my problem.  Socially I am lacking.  I am not in a relationship and I don't have kids, not to mention my biological clock is ticking.  Yep, I definitely have got to get out more.

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