Saturday, February 21, 2015


How do I know I am saved?  The truth of the matter is, I don't.  I pray about it but the fact remains it seems to me like this is a living nightmare.  I wish that I had known that I was saved.  More than 2 decades ago, I prayed to receive Jesus, but not long after then I had doubts put into my head.  It came to a head when I transferred to school just before I graduated from college.  And this also happened during the weekends ironically.  Well, today is a weekend and I have been having the same thoughts. I don't know how to handle it or even what the compulsions are.  Some pray as a compulsion, but I have no idea what mine is.  I can let other thoughts pass because they don't have anything to do with me, but my soul is of the utmost importance and that has to do with me.  I have spent much of the past few days listening to sermons and watching movies about obsessive thoughts and I can relate to all of those people.  I realize that they can become an obsession but they have helped me to cope.  I know I am not crazy though I feel like it sometimes.  I wish I just knew.  How can I know if my prayers have been answered if I don't know if I have been saved?  I am saved by faith and unfortunately I have been filled with doubt and my faith has gotten small.  I have prayed and read and studied and I still have those doubts.  It could drive me crazy because they are the scariest ones. What if they are not ocd thoughts but are based on reality?  That is why they are scary.

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