Thursday, February 19, 2015
The reality of the obsessive thoughts
I am watching the Ellen interview with "Scandal" star Kerry Washington and it is an interesting interview to say the least. I am doing pretty well today. Today is about as close to a miracle as it can get. I believe that there is a God out there and that there is a purpose that He has for all of us. I did have a "minor" thought or an obsessive thought that is not annoying or tries to scare me. Some thoughts and images last a long time in my head or keep coming back. Other images don't last so long at all. I used to have trouble with thoughts that have stuck in my head but I don't have such a major issue with that. It all started with writing down the thoughts or examples of thoughts I had. Needless to say, they have helped greatly. I still have the thoughts but at least since then I have had some more good days than bad. However, much of the past few days was tough but I am okay now. I have decided to think of only today and to remind myself that this too shall pass. Fictional characters are not real. Lies are not true. The past is the past. I am not weak, powerless, or stupid. The thoughts are not just figments of my imagination. They are real because the disorder is real. However, the thoughts are not based on my real life. They are exaggerations of things that happen in real life or are about worse case scenarios. The worse case scenarios are what scare me. When if I actually get to witness, read, or hear about a possible worse case scenario? That is what scares me. It is a vicious cycle that I know that I can stop but the work will be hard. It has overwhelmed me to the point where everything was hard. Who knew being overwhelmed makes everything hard? Trust me, I know that better was most.