I need to learn about redefining and re-evaluating my life. I realize that writing this. I wish I had referred back to my book instead of referring to movies, tv shows, books, and even music videos. I have or had bothersome thoughts about women who cheat. They are mostly wives, but they can be girlfriends or fiancees. I really don't know why I have these thoughts. I guess that it no longer matter. I am pouring my heart out because it helps me to cope. It makes me feel better. Writing is cathartic and it is healing. That is also why I pray. Prayer in Jesus' name gives me a wisdom and a perspective that I never thought about before. Sometimes taking every though captive is quite the difficult thing to do. It is only fictional, so why does it seems so real? That is what bothers me and I wish I could stop doing "research". I am just not a strong person on my own. I need spiritual guidance and wise counsel when it comes to this particular issue. I wish I could just quit everything cold turkey. I just wish I never had this disorder, period.