Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Confessions from the past few days

In the last post, I posted up a video.  It symbolizes to me that what is going on in this planet is only temporary.  I also know that the cliche life is too short is true.  Being an OCD sufferer has not been easy.  If not, it has been hard, but at least it has gotten me closer to the Lord.  I do still wonder if the devil is winning.  Being a Christian and having OCD doesn't make it any easier sometimes.  I had doubts about God yesterday.  I told Him how I really felt.  I have found myself frustrated at the direction my life was going.  Nothing has changed it seems.  I don't enjoy life.  I admit that I am not happy, even with God.  Since then, I have repented.  I have been dealing with and struggling with doubt for years.  Doubt is not an easy thing to overcome.  I have many other issues that I have been dealing with.  In fact, I was about to make a really bad decision because of my lack of judgement and because of my doubting.  I know that OCD is known as the doubting disease,  I do wonder however, if that has compounded my doubt.  It isn't the hardest life, but sometimes, OCD doesn't make it easier.  In fact, one is fearful and often scared when having OCD because of the seriousness of the issues one has.  I felt horrible because I did have doubt, but at the same time, I still doubted that God answered my prayers.  I even wondered that I am truly born again.  I have often prayed over and over for Jesus to save me.  I have realized and need to be anxious for nothing.  Make my petitions known to God.  God knows and now I know that God truly cares.

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