Sunday, November 15, 2015

Needing to Lose Extra Weight

I am tired of doubting whether or not I am saved or lost.  I know God loves me.  I know that Jesus saved me, but I continue to have doubts.  My doubts even cause me fear.  I realize that OCD is just a disorder and it is called the doubting disease.  Maybe that is what it is, the disorder that causes me doubt.  I even wondered if it is demonic.  I am in spiritual warfare and I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and doubt.  It has been a long time since I can say that I am in the best of health. I am not.  I am not in perfect health.  I have to work extra hard at working on losing weight, which is the healthiest thing for me.  I even had an image that was a bit scary to me.  It was as if I was literally a broken person in a live body.  I have been under a lot of stress over the years and I realize that I need to take better care of myself.

It hasn't been easy trying to consume a healthy diet.  Eating healthy and dealing with health issues has been hard for me.  However, the weight loss is most definitely worth it.  I now wonder that if I were to lose weight, not only would I feel better, but I would be "cured" of all of my ailments.  I also wonder if I were to lose weight the bipolar and the OCD would lessen.  I know that the diabetes, the high cholesterol, the high blood pressure, and the stress would lessen.  The risks of my getting a heart attack, a stroke, or even cancer would lessen.  I need to lose weight and I have also been suffering from looping and repetitive thoughts.  It has become a cycle and it really does stem from the obsession to lose weight.  If I were to take better care of the bipolar and the OCD, then I could take better care of myself and lose the weight.  That is what would make me feel whole.  

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