Thursday, June 11, 2015

What I have learned

As much as I love for these thoughts to go away, part of them still remain.  I wonder if they will always remain.  I had a crush on someone, but it turned to an obsession.  I would stay up to watch his movies, no matter how bad they are.  I was afraid that once the obsession is gone, I would go back to it.  I have learned that acceptance and not wishing they would go away is the key.  Wishing they would go away is hard work and actually a waste of time.  As much as I hate avoidance, I used to think that it would serve a purpose. However, it was a negative purpose.  Avoidance means to me that my "idol" is the OCD.

I realize and this was hard, that there are a lot of things in this world that is fake, but even though the thoughts are real, and that is hard to realize sometimes, the contents of them are a lie.  Sometimes thoughts are based in reality, but expanded so to speak.  Other times the thoughts are actually extensions and exaggerations of fictional (and sometimes) real situations.  That is what I have learned.

The truth is, it is hard and I have to work hard at it. I know this for real, but I had to realize that no one can truly hide from what is real.  I knew the answers, but I struggled, and struggled, and struggled.  I had no hope except for acceptance.  How do I do that?  By embracing the fact that I will, except by the healing power of Jesus Christ, that I will always have them, but they don't have to be an "idol" that will rule my life.  That is why the thoughts have weakened.  It is such a great feeling but it can be scary being this free because where do I begin now that I am free.  But I have to realize that freedom is great and that there are many things that one can do while they are free.  By the way, I would never want to turn back.

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