Down in the dumps for now.

I am down but not out, thus I am kidding.  I had thoughts yesterday about infidelity.  They were the same fears and cares that scare me.  Why do they scare me so much?  I guess I will never know.  I still have issues with avoidance, even as the thoughts (begin) to fade.  I am afraid that that fear is my problem.  It will be around the corner.  I don't allow myself to be free.  I am not free from this, but will I ever be?  Nothing seems to be manageable at the moment.  It isn't driving me crazy or anything like that; it just is.  Nothing less. Nothing more.