Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Could have been a re-post of yesterday

I am a spiritual person.  I believe in prayer.  I believe that Jesus is Lord.  Being a believer is not hard.  It is dealing with OCD that is tough.  I had to struggle with having these particular thoughts for many years.  The truth is, I have to embrace or rather, accept them.  That is the real struggle.  While I do wish they would go away and not have any compulsions, I realize that reacting to those thoughts in a negative way may actually feeding those thoughts.  I admit that I have tried a lot of things, if not everything.  I still have my fears, annoyances, and doubts.  I would like to be able to accept that not only do I have this issue, but to embrace it.  That means what?  I hope the answer will not be an uncertain one.

Today is or was the same as yesterday.  This could be a re-post of yesterday.  I realize that I have to accept the fact that thoughts will come.  I also have to guess that anxiety will come.  I cannot shield myself off from the world.  I have to face it and break the cycle.  It is an ever going cycle that does not change.  The cycle is quite predictable as well as the thoughts.  However, not even that makes it any easier.  I believe that  prayer changes not just the circumstances, but the person who prayed.  Honesty and truth are the best prayers.  I guess that I have to embrace it, which means that I finally have.  I believe that it is about how to react to the thoughts.  Will they be scary? How much anxiety will they produce?  Will the compulsions ever go away? Will I ever get rid of this thing?  I guess in order to accept this disorder I will have to accept the facts about the OCD and to not try to fight this thing.  I have begun to grow tired of these thoughts anyway.  Hopefully that means that I finally won, but how do I know if a new set of thoughts will return?  How will I be able to accept them?  Will I embrace them?

No comments:

Post a Comment