I confess. Looking up stuff is temporary pleasure. It gives me something to do, ironically. I know I should not feel this way, but that is a case of me being honest. I also realize that if I were have a bothersome thought then the compulsions would help me in a strange way. I do however question if I will ever know the answers. I keep telling myself that it does not matter, but the issues do matter. I am not that proud of it but that is the way I tend to live out my days.