Thursday, April 23, 2015
A good or bad thing
Today there isn't much to tell. That is a good thing. I have better understanding on how to manage my thoughts. My obsessions have lessened and so have my compulsions. I still wonder about cheating spouses, especially in certain situations. Some situations still worry me because they are a bit scary but even those are disappearing. I am feeling so much freer. That is the thing that concerns me. Now what? How am I going to wake up every morning knowing how free I am? I feel like I don't want to jinx myself every time I admit something. The last time I felt freer was the time when I couldn't take it anymore. It took a while but I have realized that I have learned to accept it. I realize that for now, I am okay and I will be okay. The scariest part for now is that I have to look around the corner since the OCD thoughts arrive so suddenly. I just hope that I don't forget how to deal with the struggle of having OCD. It has been a long time coming. I feel normal again. For the first time in years, I am not yet 100%, but I feel so much better and so much more confident. I am truly okay. I can finally say that with a clear mind.