Thursday, April 23, 2015

A good or bad thing

Today there isn't much to tell.  That is a good thing.  I have better understanding on how to manage my thoughts.  My obsessions have lessened and so have my compulsions.  I still wonder about cheating spouses, especially in certain situations.  Some situations still worry me because they are a bit scary but even those are disappearing.  I am feeling so much freer.  That is the thing that concerns me.  Now what?  How am I going to wake up every morning knowing how free I am?  I feel like I don't want to jinx myself every time I admit something.  The last time I felt freer was the time when I couldn't take it anymore.  It took a while but I have realized that I have learned to accept it.  I realize that for now, I am okay and I will be okay.  The scariest part for now is that I have to look around the corner since the OCD thoughts arrive so suddenly.  I just hope that I don't forget how to deal with the struggle of having OCD.  It has been a long time coming.  I feel normal again.  For the first time in years, I am not yet 100%, but I feel so much better and so much more confident.  I am truly okay.  I can finally say that with a clear mind.

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