Monday, August 10, 2015

Things I used to do I wish I could do again.

I used to love watching movies.  This was until a few years ago when I had first developed the worst of my OCD symptoms.  I had and still have obsessive thoughts about what I watch on television and in the movies. It is bad enough for me to say that there are movies that I don't wish to see nor have in my home.  It is a strange thing to say, but I even prayed about the movies that I hope not to watch or hope not to see.  The idea of love scenes and the images of love scenes enthrall yet scare me at the same time.  I have finally realize that it isn't just infidelity it is fear plain and simple.  Nowadays, it is as if my mind plays tricks on me.  My beliefs are often questioned and I am often questioned.  I feel so alone sometimes and it was much much worse at first.  I sometimes wonder if I just turn the TV off.  How do I separate myself from everything that causes me fear and anxiety?  Does it matter why this would worry me so?  Maybe I should just change the literal and proverbial channel.

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