Thursday, May 28, 2015

I wish for something else, but I must be careful what i wish for..

Right now I wish I could have an obsessive thought about losing weight.  I weigh over 300 pounds and I am short.  Some say that it is unhealthy.  The truth is, they are right.  It hasn't registered that I need to lose weight yet but I want it to.  My heart is in it despite the fact that I seem to have no clue what it means to eat healthy. I have been sedentary and unhealthy for a long time.  Things have not improved for me.  I felt like giving up. I don't want to.  I don't want to have anymore obsessive thoughts period, but it is more freeing that obsessive thoughts about infidelity.  I was being naive when I said that and I know this.  I thought that it might be easier if I were to have obsessive thoughts about anything but adultery, being saved, and having to see sexual images of adultery and forced sex.  But I wonder if it is common for me to wish something like this.  I hate having obsessive compulsive disorder, but at least the thoughts are fading away even if there are things that trigger these thoughts.

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