There are no excuses that I will make. I need clarity in my life. I am learning more and more about having obsessive thoughts. Reasoning with them and fighting them do not work. Crying over them do not work though a good cry can and is helpful. I remember the good cries that I had. Having obsessive thoughts is hard. It can be so debilitating to the point that one's world gets smaller and smaller. That has been and in some cases, still is, what has gone on in my life. I guess that I have to keep on fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting. The computer ironically has made the obsessions worse because it has helped, or rather hurt, me in terms of feeding my thoughts. Performing compulsions are even harder and more frustrating to deal with. They do much to help feed those exceptions because they only provide temporary relief. In fact, as I am writing in this journal I have come to realize that the internet has ironically been my shield from all of those negative and annoying thoughts. Now I realize that it is time to lay off of the internet for a while, which will be even harder to do, but it will be worth it.