Sunday, June 19, 2016

Trying to do what is hard while finally realizing things as they are..

I woke up to Sage Stallone and thinking about him.  I had disturbing thoughts about him.  It wasn't about his real death. It was sad, yes.  This one, however, was so disturbing I literally cried my eyes out.  Mysteriously, I believe God was there.  It was as if God brought me to a realization or two starting this morning.  Following His word and prayer have become the answers.  Realizing that I have to fight an uphill battle includes overcoming the powerless thoughts and feelings that I have had.  I have to also realize that I am not the only suffering person in the world.  I also have to see that there are people who are suffering much greater than I am.  I had thoughts that not only cause annoyance but caused confusion.  It was as if I was drawn to whatever would give me assurance.  The other decision was to do something else.  I decided to do something else. The confusions and the "decision making" was about what to do that will feed obsessive thoughts by "exposing" myself to them.  It would be a worse decision than realizing that there are more important things in the world, like acceptance.  Acceptance and doing what else is hard like not reacting to the thought, but to let it pass.  I hope to truly accept that I have obsessive thoughts.  If I were to accept this, then I guess the annoyance and the compulsions would lessen.  So far, I am doing okay.

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