Praying for salvation over and over

I am in a situation that is quite scary.  I would have to pray over and over to be saved.  It isn't based on exaggeration.  It is based on reality.  What if I am not truly saved?  What if I am really lost?  My soul is riding on this.  Would I end up in Hell because of my lack of faith?  Have I truly repented? I have these questions that I feel like I need answering.  I need help and I need answers.

Pilates and plans to exercise

Right now, I am feeling better.  I guess it is because of exercise, which is actually quite fun.  The exercise was Pilates.  It isn't quite easy.  I have made plans to exercise.  I realize that I need to make a promise to myself that I have to push myself to exercise.  I really even bodybuilders feel the same way.  That is what I have read.  I realize that everyday, every time.  It has to do with the thoughts disappearing, which is even better.

How to truly see them

Today has been pretty good.  I have been tired for much of the past two days that is why.  Right now, I am watching a movie and I get nervous at watching said movies.  I didn't have the issues that I had now.  I wondered if hating these thoughts are making things worse.  I have struggled with having these thoughts.  I realize that viewing them in a negative light often make things worse.  I feel a little bit better as of late.  Right now, I just have a hard time accepting the fact that I have obsessive thoughts.  Now I wish I didn't see them in a negative light.

Current music...I guess it is more current..

 "Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE

 "My House" by Flo Rida

 "Hello" by Adele

 "Chandelier" by Sia

 "Diamonds" by Rihanna

 "

A bit of nostalgia...music and the savage beast of OCD

 "Nite & Day" by Al B. Sure

 "If I Ever Fall in Love" by Shai

 "Last Night" by Az Yet

These compulsions

I am no longer afraid of watching infidelity committed by wives in movies.  I always knew it was fictional, but I had to see things for myself.  I spend a lot of time engaging in compulsions.  I can't take it anymore.  I hate doing it, but I cannot stop them.  I have a good counselor but even in those times those are annoying.  I often feel bad about having obsessive thoughts and performing compulsions.  I feel like I am unable to stop.  I just cannot take it anymore.

Clearer mind

My mind has become so much clearer now.  I had a crush or obsession over famous celebrities living or dead.  Sage Stallone, who was the one I was afraid of telling about was the one I was obsessed with.  I spent a lot time obsessing over him.  He was handsome and a good actor.  Sadly he passed away nearly four years ago.  I will never get to meet Sage.  I have no idea if I were meeting a nice person or if he were a jerk.  I am glad to be writing this because I feel so free.  My minded tended to loop.  I realize now that I can accept the fact that I have a crush on him.  I wonder if I were crazy for having a crush on a man who has passed away.  What is so sobering is that I have seen pictures of his grave.  It is sobering and sad to watch.  He had very sad eyes which was quite telling.  I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.  Sadly, he is gone.