Expendables

So I am watching the "Expendables" and I realize that it is just fiction.  I love this movie and I would highly recommend it.  This is an action movie that I am behind.  I am realizing that not engaging too much into fiction can be a "dangerous" thing, especially for me.  I do, however, find that straightforward movies without much sexual content doesn't bother me.  Sexual content with some violence bothers me.  I wish that sexual content in movies don't bother me.  I also wish that I wasn't so invested in so much entertainment.  I find it so sad that I have spent much of my days glued to something that has shown not to "be a friend".  It is not alive.  It can't walk or "talk" or dream.  I can turn it off at any time.  I have placed so much importance in watching television over the years that ironically it has caused me to check my priorities, hence watching the "Expendables".

Stressful situation

There are times when I get stressed out.  This is one of those times.  Right now, I don't feel so free.  I hate it. This could be an issue of when my anxiety gets worse.  There are things that I cannot do.  I feel like there is a presence that is controlling everything.  It is happening more and more and there is nothing I feel I can do or say about it.  I just cannot take it anymore.

KC Undercover

I am watching this show about teen spies.  Well, her parents are also spies. And apparently the grandparents are spies too.  The show is called KC Undercover and it stars Zendaya.  Fiction like this is quite interesting since this show isn't geared for me.  Maybe this is a way to think outside the box.  What is a 40 year old with no kids doing watching Disney?  I like some of the shows.  Other than that, I guess I will never know.

Today's reflections

Wow.  Time seems to have not been so kind to me.  I just wish that things would improve here.  It has done a fabulous job causing me much anxiety.  In fact, being in the situation that I am in and unable to separate myself has made it worse.  I admit that I would like to isolate myself in the confines of home.  But there are other times where I definitely need to get out more.  There are places that I would like to go.  There are things that I have yet to explore.  I feel like I have not lived my life.  I guess also this would be the time to think outside the box.

Out of the box

I am starting to understand what it means to think or go outside the box.  Maybe that has been the story of my life.  I have interests that I have yet to explore.  I also have things that don't interest me much but I would like to learn about.  It is time I think outside the box.

Pressure

This is such a beautiful song.  It is quite a new.  Having OCD is like having a lot of pressure.  It has had an effect on my mind and body.  I know that others have bigger crosses to bear, but it is hard to see that when hellacious thoughts come.  I realize that thoughts are going to come.  My question is how do I think outside the box?  That is my assignment for the week.  What does it really mean?  What is that all about?  Sadly, I have no clue.  All I want to do is to live life.  Happiness is I guess what one makes of it.  However, it is hard when one has to deal with endless bothersome thoughts and questions.  Sure it matters.  It is not really about who I am, but my mind tends to play tricks on me.  That is what is so bothersome, other than the compulsions.  If only they weren't so temporary.  

Crosses to bear

I had to learn how to accept the fact that I guess I will always have these thoughts.  Thoughts will come.  To God be the glory.  I have to consider that there are bigger crosses to bear.  I also have to realize that there are others who have bigger crosses to bear.  I am to not just be mindful of that, but to also pray for and serve, help, and guide those who are in need.  We are to love our fellow man (and woman) and serve them as God calls us to do.  I have spent so much time dealing with these thoughts it is as if I have the worst of the worst without considering that compared to the hell others suffer through, mine is only temporary.  How can I see the truth in that when I have gone through my own hell?  Having OCD is not easy.  It is hard.  It is amazing how one can reconcile having ocd with acceptance.  That has been difficult, but over time, that can be easier.