My health matters

There are times like this when I see things clearly.  My thoughts that are obsessive no longer scare me.  The issue is that I would like to happen everyday.  I was so afraid one minute and another minute nothing scares me.  I am doing okay today and I guess that is why.  Ironically, I am thinking and pondering over losing weight yet I am so busy eating the unhealthiest of foods.  That is I guess how it goes...for now. Procrastination is not the key to losing weight, but to gain weight.  Well, that is what happens.  I have no resolution, nor do I have a plan.  The resolutions and the plans have limited me to the point where I have questioned why I have allowed myself to get to my size.  Losing weight is not only a struggle but a journey full of questions, fears, and doubts.  At least this journey will keep me busy.

Being a witness

I have OCD.  That is a fact.  Being a witness for the Lord.  That is the truth.  How do I witness to someone else about the Lord?  I don't want to force someone to convert.  That is not my job.  My job is to preach the gospel to all the world.  I wish that all of us in the world would repent.  All of us will be judged one day.  We will also have to answer for how we all lived.  Sadly, only a few will actually walk the narrow road.  I wish that all of us would walk that road.  That is a sad reality. 

Being honest

I am doing well today. Being honest is good for the mind, body, and spirit.  Holding it all in has caused me much stress, but so has lying.  There are also physical ramifications for lying as well. I choose to be an  honest person, for honesty is the best policy.

Reflections on religion and entertainment

So I am watching reality tv and as far as the obsessive thoughts, this isn't bothersome.  I can turn the tv off.  How come this show doesn't bother me when other shows bother me or bore me?  I realize that whenever I watch a tv show, read a book, or watch a movie, it isn't about avoidance due to OCD. It is about wondering if this glorifies God.  Much of what doesn't bother me doesn't glorify God.  I realized that earlier today.  I became convicted by the Lord and what He has me to do.  For instance, I used to watch fight videos, which were unsanctioned.  They were about bullying, brawls, beatdowns, and cat fights.  They weren't in themselves bothersome, but they did not glorify the Lord.  In other words, were they worth watching as a Christian.  I realize that there were things that were things that provide peace of mind, glorification of the Lord, wholesome, and I don't have to worry about avoidance.  I have to ask myself those questions about the importance of what I watch and the content of these thoughts.  The thoughts of watching violence worries me and sex bothers me as well.  I need to live a life that glorifies the Lord and not my own desires.  God is watching.

The Day After Christmas

I enjoyed yesterday.  Actually, I also enjoyed this day, as well.  I am glad that today was not a typical Saturday at this house.  I have managed to live.  That is all I ever wanted to do was live life.  Dealing with obsessive thoughts could have easily robbed me of living my life.  Don't think also that it hasn't tried.  It has been hard to deal with.  I find my time doing something at least productive.  I have learned that even the littlest of things can be somewhat productive.  Playing with a lonely cat is good for keeping my mind busy at least.  I have learned with having obsessive thoughts never to take things for granted.  Maybe I should at least be thankful for that.

Keeping busy this day

I realize that these thoughts are exaggerations of real life.  I just think that despite the situations being real or fictional, they are only thoughts.  It no longer matters.  I kept busy for the most part.

So, Merry Christmas!

Questions about and learning about my obsessive thoughts

I have learned that keeping busy is something that can be helpful when it comes to having obsessive thoughts.  It has been 9 years since I had those thoughts about infidelity and the consequences of infidelity.  I need to see that both men and women, gay and straight, cheat.  I need to see that.  How come?  How come I can see that?  Why can't the thoughts mesh with reality?  I want to see things from all points of view.  Jesus told the adulterous woman to go and sin no more.  I recall that I had thoughts about infidelity.  It was just random thoughts about infidelity mainly committed by women. All I know is that I will never truly know how something becomes so twisted. That is just how I feel about having obsessive thoughts.  Over the years, I have become more anxious and even isolated in some cases.  I do need a life of my own, especially a social life.  I realize that learning to deal with people and being friends (or not friends) with them will take time.  However, it is so much better than dealing with what I am dealing with right now.