Sunday, July 27, 2014
How I am really feeling
I have come to realize that my obsessions have not destroyed my life, but somehow saved it. They brought me closer to God. I have been living a safe life because of these obsessions and as a result, my world has gotten smaller. I am drawn to television shows. I have no longer become a fan of television shows. The characters lie, cheat, and commit other sins and they seem to be rewarded for them.
I am of the view that those who lie, cheat, and commit other sins should not be awarded for them. They should be dealt with, but in a godly way. A godly way is with love and godly judgement. I am of the view that adultery is a sin and that adulterers are sinners just like every one else. I believe that adulterers are not evil and not good. In fact, no one is good and one doesn't have to be moral to be evil. We are all adulterers though most are moral, good people. But our views of morality are different from that of God.
I have to keep in mind that whenever a thought comes that like the characters that are fictional, the thoughts are creations. They are the creations of a writing team and they are played by real people. What scares me is that the situations are real like the real life and that there are people who do cheat. That is something I cannot let go of. There was a time when I almost did. I realize that most people who cheat are not the worst of the worst but they are like all else, cheaters.
It is time that we all sinners take the motes out of our eyes and not pass ungodly judgement on those who are adulterers. Jesus told the adulteress in John 8 to "go and sin no more". Though some who sin will continue to sin, but that won't have to be me. I choose to either be unfaithful to God with the world or remain faithful to the Lord and be at rest. I don't look at adulterers as those who deserve no forgiveness and nothing but harm. Infidelity does not make one good but forgiveness covers all sins. Adulterers can be forgiven.
I have been realizing that life is too short to worry about the sins of someone else as I was too a cheater. I haven't physically cheated nor have I been cheated on, nor am I currently in a relationship. I have never been kissed in fact. I don't have a love life to be concerned about. I don't know anyone for sure who has cheated on me or anyone I know.
I could reason things out but they do not work. I am afraid that like others, I would not like or rather hate or be annoyed by the adulterous characters. I am afraid of another thought being triggered. I tried exposing myself, only to make things worse, much much worse. I finally realize that I cannot live for the obsession, but I have to live for me, and for the Lord of course. My plan is to put God as my top priority and all else I realize will fall in our place.
Life is too short to worry about anything. I realized that today that life is a blessing. Yesterday is the past. Sadly I don't remember much about my life and how I thought without the obsessions. I have been obsessive compulsion most of my life. I would like to expand my life and I cannot do that without putting God first and getting caught up on what is on television. I have other goals in mind. I have other things to do. I believe that God has a plan for me. I felt for years that life has passed me by. I would like to be wrong.