How I am doing as I am writing.

I am okay.  Confusion is a symptom of having OCD.  I didn't realize that it was an issue until yesterday.  It was like I realize that OCD can be quite "scary" at times.  To me, the answer is to think on things that are true and all of the things that qualify as what is of God.  I have learned that we are to think on the things of God such as holiness, truth, and what doesn't cause confusion.  God is not a God of confusion.  It took a while to realize that, but I am glad I did.

I love these songs!

 "Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj

 "Chains" by Nick Jonas

 "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony and Kid Ink

 "Really Don't Care" by Demi Lovato and Cheryl Lloyd

 "Talk Dirty to Me" by Jason Derulo

 "Diamonds" by Rihanna

 "Helo" by Beyonce

Treating crush like an ocd thought

I think it is time that my crush is really an obsessive thought.  I will treat it like one.  It is crazy but it just might work.  Sure my mind is trying to overcome it but it has been hard.  I try not to act on it, but it has been hard to.  Feeding my thoughts doesn't help either.  That has been a hard thing to do. How do I overcome the fact that I still struggle with overcoming (for a lack of a better terms) and breaking the OCD cycle?  Help.

The important things in life.

Thinking about my soul has done much to draw my attention to the important things in life.  It has led to many questions and discussions even my myself.  I have prayed to the Lord about the Great Commission.  We as Christians are to go out into the world and preach the gospel.  I know that it is Matthew 28.  My hope that I have done so, but now I have not realized until this weekend that maybe I have not done so.  I have posted videos about the Lord and who He is.  Jesus can and does save.  I know that I have OCD.  I believe that Jesus is greater than OCD.  He understands that the obsessive thoughts are just that: thoughts.  It took a long time to realize that because having OCD is hard and sometimes the thoughts are scary.  I know that for a fact.  I wish I never had this condition but I do however and there is a blessing in disguise to all of this at least for me.  I believe that all that has happened has drawn me closer to the Lord.  I know that the Lord commands us to live for Him, live holy, be obedient, enduring, and be of service to Him and be of service to others.  OCD should not and is not a barrier.  Jesus is coming quickly.  Life is so short that no matter if one is OCD or bipolar or has cancer, God can and does save, for today is the day of salvation.  That is how short life is.

I bid adieu

I am not sure about writing a eulogy, but I have to let what is feeding my thoughts go.  I am changing course.  I am going to be okay.  Having obsessive compulsive disorder has not been easy.  No matter who or what I obsess about, learning to accept that I have this issue has not been easy.  For a while now, I have had something which started out as something innocent or a curiosity.  I realize that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation or from that person.  It happened over 20 years ago.  It can happen now.  Reality is hard, but sometimes living in a safe world can be even scarier if physically one lives in the real world.  It has shielded me from what has been going on with me.  It has made life more "exciting" than it really is.  I have never been in love.  I was in love with an image.  I have to see the image as a real person with flaws and needs and desires.  The person I am referring to was as flawed as I am.  He wasn't perfect.  He was just another human being walking on the earth.  Sadly he has passed on.  I wonder where this guy is now.  Unfortunately I never got to meet him.  I will never know him.  Sometimes something so innocent has gotten out of hand and that is what has happened.  Looking at his pictures and looking at his grave is so sobering and yet so sad. Reality finally kicks in.  My hope is that he is in the arms of God.  I can wish all I want, but that will not do me any good.  I accept that I have been obsessed with "First Middle-name Last".  Sadly I didn't love the person but only the image.  I feel kind of sad about that.  I love the idea of love but deep down I have to be mindful of what is real.  Mindfulness and acceptance are the answers to my problems.  I bid adieu to my obsession.  Goodbye.

Think about this...

Why didn't I think about this before?  Keeping busy is one of the keys to managing obsessive compulsive disorder. Just doing something meaningful is something that is good for the mind and does more than just keeps the thoughts at bay.  Taking care of oneself is also quite helpful.  It is so sad that I didn't think about this or do anything about this earlier.  Wow.  All I had to do was and still is to keep it simple.

The same old song

I find myself listening to the same song over and over and over again.  It is a great song nevertheless. It is a song that I wish that I had listened to before.  I realize that when I play a song over and over again, I need to listen more to the content of the song.  It is opposite to the obsessive thought where all I do is try not to listen to the repetitive thoughts in my head.  It has become repetitive.  I just wish that some things become repetitive while sometimes I wish that other things won't be.  Playing the same song gets boring after a while.  On the other hand, an obsessive thought is a repetitive song is a song I want to be bored by.  I actually look forward to be bored about something. How about that?