Telling the truth

I spent a lot of the day NOT watching television.  I have a problem and I know that I have a problem. I am scared for another thoughts.  I think that I will be okay.  I need a change of plans.  I need to live in the real world.  I have been living in a fantasy world for years.  I am a near middle aged woman. I need to live and grow.  I need to progress.  My reality is a bit messed up.  Fiction has become my reality and that is a messed thing to deal with.  Sometimes it is like there is a blurring between reality and fiction.  That in itself is scary.  Sometimes it is as if I am going crazy.  I know I am not crazy. Maybe I am just overwhelmed and that I need to relax.  I guess being a type A personality, it is hard to do so.  I need to relax and meditate and to cling to the Lord.  I have learned to delight in the Lord. I have also learned to rely and wait on Him for all things.  Maybe fear is what is holding me back and it is keeping me from overcoming those thoughts.  I thank God for lifting my burdens and I ask God to do so.  Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I allow this to happen?