I tire of the "daily grind".

Today, instead of progressing I have regressed even further.  Maybe I am trying to get it out of my system so that I would get bored and never do it again.  I hope that is the case.  Everything fictional is real and everything real has become fictional.  I am hiding from what scares me though it doesn't make sense.  As of right now, nothing seems to make sense and I hate it.  TV shows and movies have become my first priority.  Getting out of the house is also a top priority on the list.  I would love to get out and do something but where do I begin?  I hate myself and I hate my life.  I hate having these thoughts and I hate the compulsions even more.  What happened between now and Wednesday?  I can say that I need help and while I do, I might as well just give up and give in.