Avoidance

I hate that I have made avoidance a part of my life.  A TV show or a movie makes me fearful.  I have this fear of another trigger.  The irony is I am getting better and do "research" on what makes me afraid.  There are things that I don't wish to see.  It is weird.  Even I admit that it gets strange.  I did some 'research' on divorce stories this morning involving celebrities.  Some celebrity divorces are amicable, while others are not so amicable.  I hate that kids are involved and seemingly treated like pawns instead of the human beings that they are.  I only have opinions on this, but divorce unless in the cases of adultery and abuse, seem rather selfish.  I have thoughts about why couples can't make it.Why can't they work it out?  How come love hurts and seems complicated?  I am not currently in a relationship, so I realize that I need to get it together.  I hope that I can get it all together before I am in a relationship.  I would like to have real friends and a person to love back.  I guess it is because I am self-conscious.  The whole thing about heterosexual relationships is that they are interesting. Why don't I find the same way about homosexual and bisexual relationships?  I realize that I am the one with the problem.  Maybe I have to learn to not avoid, but how do I do that?