It has been over 20 years since I have realized that there are things that are of the old adage: the more things change, the more they stay the same. Why is that? Why does that adage ring true? It is the answer to what has been wrong with me these past 2 decades. I had struggled with these same struggles 20 years ago. This time, I can't just pick up and leave it all behind. I have to face it head on. I have to also see that there are some underlying issues that must be faced if I wish for my goals to be accomplished. I am present physically and otherwise yet I still feel like mentally I am out of control. It is quite an uncomfortable feeling to have. I have this a lot due to mania and anxiety. I have been diagnosed as being bipolar for more than that time and after all of these years, I have had doubts that I have been getting a good handle on it. I wonder this because of what I have described before. Maybe this is something that I have to deal with for the rest of my life but it can be managed, like the obsessive thoughts. Sometimes going back and making reference is a good thing. Staying back is not a good thing and it implies a failure to desire to move forward.
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