I am tired of doubting whether or not I am saved or lost. I know God loves me. I know that Jesus saved me, but I continue to have doubts. My doubts even cause me fear. I realize that OCD is just a disorder and it is called the doubting disease. Maybe that is what it is, the disorder that causes me doubt. I even wondered if it is demonic. I am in spiritual warfare and I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and doubt. It has been a long time since I can say that I am in the best of health. I am not. I am not in perfect health. I have to work extra hard at working on losing weight, which is the healthiest thing for me. I even had an image that was a bit scary to me. It was as if I was literally a broken person in a live body. I have been under a lot of stress over the years and I realize that I need to take better care of myself.
It hasn't been easy trying to consume a healthy diet. Eating healthy and dealing with health issues has been hard for me. However, the weight loss is most definitely worth it. I now wonder that if I were to lose weight, not only would I feel better, but I would be "cured" of all of my ailments. I also wonder if I were to lose weight the bipolar and the OCD would lessen. I know that the diabetes, the high cholesterol, the high blood pressure, and the stress would lessen. The risks of my getting a heart attack, a stroke, or even cancer would lessen. I need to lose weight and I have also been suffering from looping and repetitive thoughts. It has become a cycle and it really does stem from the obsession to lose weight. If I were to take better care of the bipolar and the OCD, then I could take better care of myself and lose the weight. That is what would make me feel whole.
It hasn't been easy trying to consume a healthy diet. Eating healthy and dealing with health issues has been hard for me. However, the weight loss is most definitely worth it. I now wonder that if I were to lose weight, not only would I feel better, but I would be "cured" of all of my ailments. I also wonder if I were to lose weight the bipolar and the OCD would lessen. I know that the diabetes, the high cholesterol, the high blood pressure, and the stress would lessen. The risks of my getting a heart attack, a stroke, or even cancer would lessen. I need to lose weight and I have also been suffering from looping and repetitive thoughts. It has become a cycle and it really does stem from the obsession to lose weight. If I were to take better care of the bipolar and the OCD, then I could take better care of myself and lose the weight. That is what would make me feel whole.
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