I bid adieu

I am not sure about writing a eulogy, but I have to let what is feeding my thoughts go.  I am changing course.  I am going to be okay.  Having obsessive compulsive disorder has not been easy.  No matter who or what I obsess about, learning to accept that I have this issue has not been easy.  For a while now, I have had something which started out as something innocent or a curiosity.  I realize that the best thing to do is to remove myself from the situation or from that person.  It happened over 20 years ago.  It can happen now.  Reality is hard, but sometimes living in a safe world can be even scarier if physically one lives in the real world.  It has shielded me from what has been going on with me.  It has made life more "exciting" than it really is.  I have never been in love.  I was in love with an image.  I have to see the image as a real person with flaws and needs and desires.  The person I am referring to was as flawed as I am.  He wasn't perfect.  He was just another human being walking on the earth.  Sadly he has passed on.  I wonder where this guy is now.  Unfortunately I never got to meet him.  I will never know him.  Sometimes something so innocent has gotten out of hand and that is what has happened.  Looking at his pictures and looking at his grave is so sobering and yet so sad. Reality finally kicks in.  My hope is that he is in the arms of God.  I can wish all I want, but that will not do me any good.  I accept that I have been obsessed with "First Middle-name Last".  Sadly I didn't love the person but only the image.  I feel kind of sad about that.  I love the idea of love but deep down I have to be mindful of what is real.  Mindfulness and acceptance are the answers to my problems.  I bid adieu to my obsession.  Goodbye.