Homework Assignment

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Dealing with having OCD

I have difficulty following simple instructions. I have even been told that I have a short attention span. Having bipolar disorder and OCD have been lonely at times. It can be more lonely once I realize that I have it. I believe that I had OCD most of my life. Prayer and distraction are the only things that have been helpful. It has been hard to not ask questions and try to find the answers that I so seek. In other words, asking for reassurance has been a waste of time. I would spend many minutes on trying to find the answers. The truth is, I hate uncertainty. I have wanted to know why I have this problem. The truth is, I will never know. I only have theories. Maybe I should learn how to be uncertain and deal with it. I also have to learn that none of us are perfect and that while curious, we may never find the right answers no matter how hard we try. I wish I could just get over it, but that is highly unrealistic.

I wish I could just stop seeking assurance and asking questions about my thoughts that seem pertinent. I would like to get off of these websites that feed my obsessions. Maybe wishing is not good enough. It is a fight that I have gone through for years, but it hasn't been on the level that this one has been. It is as if I have obsessive thoughts about everything, from my weight to what I watch on television. I have hoped not to watch certain movies because of the content. I have to fight this everyday and it, OCD, is not a joke. It is tough and it is mentally exhausting. I also have to deal with the thought that I tell me that I have to deal with things one way or another so that I will not fail only to fail and procrastinate. I have to take things slow in some areas and keep on fighting in other areas. What are some things that I obsess about? I know about the obsessions about infidelity and weight loss, but I feel like I have so many that I don't realize about it. Having said that, where do I begin?

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Obsessive thoughts and avoiding fictional material

I realize that prayer does not save. Only Jesus does. If I can see that in terms of having obsessive thoughts, then I can see that I am caught up in too much fiction. I don't care for too much fictional stuff anymore. I have avoided most fictional material, not because of my beliefs, but because of the OCD. I am afraid that I will see or mention a word or two about others cheating or who have cheated in the past. I wish I could just "get over it". I have been having trouble in my head that fiction is just that, fiction. I cannot convince myself that truth. How I can "see" that, I realize that it will take a while. I want to improve and that is what is most important.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Praying for salvation over and over

I am in a situation that is quite scary. I would have to pray over and over to be saved. It isn't based on exaggeration. It is based on reality. What if I am not truly saved? What if I am really lost? My soul is riding on this. Would I end up in Hell because of my lack of faith? Have I truly repented? I have these questions that I feel like I need answering. I need help and I need answers.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Pilates and plans to exercise

Right now, I am feeling better. I guess it is because of exercise, which is actually quite fun. The exercise was Pilates. It isn't quite easy. I have made plans to exercise. I realize that I need to make a promise to myself that I have to push myself to exercise. I really even bodybuilders feel the same way. That is what I have read. I realize that everyday, every time. It has to do with the thoughts disappearing, which is even better.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

How to truly see them

Today has been pretty good. I have been tired for much of the past two days that is why. Right now, I am watching a movie and I get nervous at watching said movies. I didn't have the issues that I had now. I wondered if hating these thoughts are making things worse. I have struggled with having these thoughts. I realize that viewing them in a negative light often make things worse. I feel a little bit better as of late. Right now, I just have a hard time accepting the fact that I have obsessive thoughts. Now I wish I didn't see them in a negative light.