May he rest in peace

Sage Stallone was a beautiful man who never got the chance to live a fuller life.  That is just my observation.  I have read and been told only good things about him.  I can't recall reading anyone mention online anything negative about him.  Apparently, he was "saintly" compared to most people. However, it seems that I have yet to accept my obsession with him.  I wish I had met him.  I thought it was a crush, but it will never me.  His death is a sad reminder to most that one will never truly know the end of their lives and how they will die.  It is so sad that he has lived a short life and that I will never get to meet him or even know him.  May he rest in peace.

PM Dawn - Looking Through Patient Eyes-Lyrics

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you
I have a love for you that nothing hides
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you
I hope you look at me through patient eyes

I've become amused, I've become blind
I've become what I know not breathes
You seem illiterate to all my emotions
I stand corrected, how well you read

You speak the truth, you speak the me
You feel the love I have yet to find
I know it's there, I know it's there
But I let the sandcastles kill my mind

Pathetic me, I long to be you
I think I'm close but I stand so far
The turbulent one sheds a turbulent tear
I miss the love only 'cause they starve

Oil and water, lust and sympathy
Are life and death my way through the sun?
Where originates all the pain that leaves
My memory a traumatic sponge and sings to you

Well, define my love with attitude
Open up your mind and it will sing to you
You can always tell but I know remorse so well
I left reality early due to the lack of love, reason

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you
I have a love for you that nothing hides
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you
I hope you look at me through patient eyes

The channel, a professional liar
How I long to contradict those vibes
Joni, help me, I think I'm falling
It's not for love and I quest the why

I don't know, if I'm right, I'm right
But if I'm wrong, then show me I'm wrong
The fear of pity is always awake
But infinite sympathy is completely gone

It's the windows, the doors
The passage ways to the truth
Oh, my God, it echoes the mind
In total recall as wild as the deuce

It's so deceiving is the clouded heart
So superficial is the open wound
I caress the infinite light
That even at night overshadows the moon
That sings to you

Well, define my love that lives within you
Even when I die, it will sing to you
You can only tell if remorse has done you well
The misconstrued my answers
Thanks to the lack of love, reason

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you
I seek the sympathy and I can't lie
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you
I hope you look at me through patient eyes

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you
I seek the sympathy and I can't lie
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you
I hope you look at me through patient eyes

Whatever it is I do, I try to think about you
I seek the sympathy and I can't lie
Whatever it is I do, I'm only thinking of you
I hope you look at me through patient eyes

The nature of my past and present OCD thoughts

I remember when I was obsessed with professional wrestling.  It was quite frustrating to say the least. It was like a movie that played over and over and over again.  It wasn't the kind of movie that I wanted to see.  Obsessive thoughts can be and at times are scary.  I realize that while there is really nothing to fear, it is hard to be convincing otherwise.  If I can overcome my pro-wrestling obsession, then I can overcome my other obsessions, such as infidelity.  I cannot write out my thoughts, which would cause me even more fears.  Everything is a trigger.  Therefore, everything is an obsession. However, the obsessions, though not even the fears are the worst thing about OCD.  Breaking the cycle is the worst thing about having OCD.  I have learned that no amount of writing and being specific has cured the OCD.  So, what will?

19 Signs You Are Obsessed With Your Crush

19 Signs You Are Obsessed With Your Crush
by Charlotte Green
March 25, 2013

1. Every time someone mentions their name — even if you have no idea what they are talking about — your ears perk up and you immediately tune out whoever you’re listening to to eavesdrop on that conversation.

2. You have, at least once, wrote your name out as it would look if you were married. You were then overwhelmed with shame, and destroyed all evidence.

3. Any time you go out with someone else on a date or to a social event, you can’t stop thinking about how much better it would be if you were there with your crush.

4. Literally everything they do is attractive, and interested, and makes you like them more. They could probably commit first degree murder and you would forgive them after a few minutes of serious reflection.

5. You are constantly tortured with the uncertainty over whether or not they ever think of you, and are pretty certain they are not even aware of your existence.

6. You have saved a few choice photos off of their Facebook for… research purposes.

7. All of your friends roll their eyes and sigh semi-audibly when they hear that you are bringing up your crush yet again.

Full article here...

Re-post about exercise and music

Exercise and music
Exercise and music are what make the world go around; at least for me it does.  I feel so much better. I still have a long way to go.  My thoughts have lessened for the most part.  I am so happy and more content.  If only I have dieted and exercised before.  I realized that I want, need, and desire to lose weight, but for me and no one else.  I want to prove the naysayers wrong and myself right.  I am okay and I will continue to be okay.  Like I said (okay to paraphrase), exercise and music have made MY world go 'round.  I am so happy and no longer irritated for now.

"Flaws" by Kierra Sheard

"Flaws"

Sometimes I talk a little too much 

Don't listen enough

Sometimes it's way too easy for me to beat myself up

Sometimes I hate the way I look when I look in the mirror

One look from you I know

My flaws

You love, you love my flaws

Think they make me beautiful

You don't see them as flaws at all

That's why 

That's why, that's why I love you

Cause you are, you are the one who

The one who loves my flaws

Sometimes I get a little unsure

A lot insecure

Sometimes I know I might say some words

That might cause some hurt

Sometimes I get in my own way

I'm way too much to put up with

But you put up with it all

My flaws

You love, you love my flaws

Think they make me beautiful

You don't see them as flaws at all

That's why 

That's why, that's why I love you

Cause you are, you are the one who

The one who loves my flaws

You think I'm everything when I think I'm nothing

When I hate myself you still love me 

Love me and 

My flaws

You love, you love my flaws

Think they make me beautiful

You don't see them as flaws at all

Oh God

You love, you love my flaws

Think they make me beautiful

You don't see them as flaws at all

That's why 

That's why, that's why I love you

Cause I love, I love the one who

The one who loves my flaws

My flaws

You love, you love my flaws

Trying to do what is hard while finally realizing things as they are..

I woke up to Sage Stallone and thinking about him.  I had disturbing thoughts about him.  It wasn't about his real death. It was sad, yes.  This one, however, was so disturbing I literally cried my eyes out.  Mysteriously, I believe God was there.  It was as if God brought me to a realization or two starting this morning.  Following His word and prayer have become the answers.  Realizing that I have to fight an uphill battle includes overcoming the powerless thoughts and feelings that I have had.  I have to also realize that I am not the only suffering person in the world.  I also have to see that there are people who are suffering much greater than I am.  I had thoughts that not only cause annoyance but caused confusion.  It was as if I was drawn to whatever would give me assurance.  The other decision was to do something else.  I decided to do something else. The confusions and the "decision making" was about what to do that will feed obsessive thoughts by "exposing" myself to them.  It would be a worse decision than realizing that there are more important things in the world, like acceptance.  Acceptance and doing what else is hard like not reacting to the thought, but to let it pass.  I hope to truly accept that I have obsessive thoughts.  If I were to accept this, then I guess the annoyance and the compulsions would lessen.  So far, I am doing okay.