I am not ashamed of being more Christian than Black.

This past weekend, I have been reading passages of this book by Kimberley Cash Tate.  She is an author who is not ashamed for Jesus Christ.  She wrote this book called "More Christian Than African American".  I highly recommend this book, so far.  It is about a young woman who admitted that her identity was shaped by our heritage as black Americans.  She later got saved and her views on race have been transformed.

Why have I written this today of all days?  I have had obsessive thoughts about race, racism, and social class and social status as it relates to the issue of race.  My obsession became one about how black people are being viewed and how we have been treated during the eons of time.  Black people just like the rest of us have made mark after mark and contributed to the human race just like all others.

Christianity is not a white man's religion nor is it a black man's religion.  The Bible is not and should never be about professing Christian believers taking apart scripture to justify ungodly positions.  That is what I believed happened to our African ancestors, who came to various parts of the continent. I read that the slaves saw through the deception of the European masters.  Christianity in the black American community is a mix of African and European beliefs.  America is the land of a mixing or races, and cultures from Africa, Europe, Asia, and the American indigenous.

The first Christians came in a variety of shades, including black Africans and Semites from Israel. The first Christians were blacks, Semites, and Persians among others.  I believe that while our black ancestors were exposed to Christianity, it was a Semite who baptized an Ethiopian eunuch and Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament was a Jew who risked his life and freedom to spread Christianity to the Europeans.  Christianity was first a Middle Eastern, African, and Central Asian religion as Persians (or rather Parthians, Elamites, and Medes) and Arabs were among the believers who received the Holy Spirit in Acts 2. Correct me if I am wrong, but all that I have written so far are based on biblical and historical fact.

I have had thoughts about this for a while and even thought by some Christianity is a white man's religion, Jesus Christ suffered for all of us, Semite, African, Asian, Central Asian, or European.  That is the truth.  I myself consider being a Christian more than black American is the way to describe me. Christianity is not a black man's religion or a white man's religion, or an Asian man's religion either. It is so sad that we as believers in Christ would allow lies to be spread about Christianity (namely Jesus), live lives contrary to the word while being unrepentant, or allow ourselves to be divided.

I wish I had more thoughts about that.  I also realize that the truth does indeed set one free.  I finally find myself reveling over my thoughts and feeling anger and even "hatred" and doing nothing about it.  I am so glad that I finally expressed my views on Christianity as it truly is. Jesus doesn't see color the way man does, but the Holy Trinity made me, a black person, in His image and in his likeness. It was annoying to have these thoughts about race and racism yet I did nothing to learn the truth or live what is true for myself.  I am not ashamed of my heritage, but I am not ashamed of being a child of the Lord and a joint-heir to my Judge, Jesus Christ.  

"Oops!..I Did It Again" by Britney Spears

"Oops! ...I Did It Again"

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I think I did it again
I made you believe we're more than just friends
Oh baby
It might seem like a crush
But it doesn't mean that I'm serious
'Cause to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby

[CHORUS:]
Oops!...I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!...You think I'm in love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

You see my problem is this
I'm dreaming away
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways
But to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Baby, oh

[Repeat CHORUS]

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

"All aboard"
"Britney, before you go, there's something I want you to have"
"Oh, it's beautiful, but wait a minute, isn't this...?"
"Yeah, yes it is"
"But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end"
"Well baby, I went down and got it for you"
"Oh, you shouldn't have"

Oops!...I did it again to your heart
Got lost in this game, oh baby
Oops!...You think that I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

** This song, as well as a lot of other songs, have relaxed me.  It was and still is, a major distraction.  I recall when I first had these obsessive thoughts, it improved my mood.  There were times when I felt so alone.  I was the only person who knows of who has it until I went online.  There are many others who may have felt the same way.  I don't know of anyone else who had this condition.  It was so bad.  I felt much better as this song was playing.**

Grateful for God's Conviction

I didn't realize how hypocritical and judgmental I try was.  It didn't feel good.  I feel so much better about God correcting me.  I was convicted for how I was dealing with adulterous wives and with obsessive thoughts.  I realize that we are all in need of forgiveness, no matter how great the sin.  No matter if she was promiscuous or not, Jesus forgave the adulterous.  Go, leave your life of sin. It means to repent for one's sin and to not stay on that course but to become a new creation.  I realize that the message God is telling me.  I thank You, Lord.

Fact versus fiction

I am thankful that I have obsessive compulsive disorder.  In fact, I am starting to understand the difference between what is fact and what is fiction.  Adulterers and adultery is a sin, but there is a God who is about salvation, love, and forgiveness.  I had a hard time explaining that, but He saves those who have done even what the world considers the worst of sinners like prostitutes, murderers, and adulterers.  I am trying to explain, but to me, it has been so hard to express myself.  I finally see that what is in my head is not always in my heart.  I have read and understood adulteresses such as Gomer and the adulteress in John 8.  It takes a hard heart to not show mercy and not lead a sinner to repent.  It takes a hypocrite to judge and not learn their lessons on their own. Let us take the motes out of their eyes.  Let us not take the time to judge others when we have have our own sins. Hypocrisy is also a sin, just like adultery is.

Today's FLOAT reflections in red

The FLOAT technique
FLOAT way of dealing with obsessive thoughts.

Find your silent place.  With me it is within the confines of my home.  It is a place where I can be alone with my thoughts and pray.  I wondered if I could respond to a negative thought in that way. I realize that prayer could also be a fight response.  However, I have learned that prayer is honest, respectful communication with the Lord.  I could go outside and get some fresh air.  Fresh air always does some good.  

Let go of judgment.  I admit that unfortunately, I can be a judgmental person who often sees things in a negative light.  I would like to see myself in a less judgmental, negative light.  I would also like to see the beauty in me like I do in others whether they are fat, skinny, slim, slender, obese, curvy, or plus sized. I would like to see the beauty in myself and in others.  That has been a struggle that I have had since I can remember.

Observe your thoughts.  I finally realize and have no longer begun to just fight the thoughts.  I have to see these thoughts for what they are.  I also have to also see myself for who I am. I realize that that is it.  Fiction does not equal fact.  I need not to place so much into fiction that I forget or mix it with the truth.

Awareness of your environment. I feel like being aware most of the time whenever I get afraid of having a thought or two.  For instance, I was obsessed with a number of people like classmates and celebrities.  I am afraid that I would go back.  On the other hand, I never did go back to these obsessions. Fear is the opposite of faith.  That is what avoidance is really about.  I have lived my life in fear to a point where I feel I have been led by it.  Fear truly does torment.

Thankful for the experience.  Being thankful and being grateful I realize can be the same thing, but they are different.  I have become a different person as a result of having these thought.  I am in tune with my spiritual self.  In other words, I have drawn closer to the Lord.  That is something I have noticed. I am a spiritual being, which means a denial of one's physical self and take up the Cross.

"Fighting" and distraction

Right now, I feel like distraction is a good, (or safe) way of dealing with having obsessive thoughts. Yesterday, I wrote about the FLOAT method in which I could be consistent with "fighting", but fighting is not a great word as fighting has not always been helpful.  I have also learned that avoidance is not so great idea as it can limit one's "world".  I don't get to enjoy myself like I once did. I miss those days.  I would like to go back.  Over the years, I have been under a lot of stress.  I would like to do more than just deal with it.  I want to do more than overcome.  I want to thrive.  I want to win.  I will not let obsessive thoughts destroy me or create more guilt and heartache.

The FLOAT technique

FLOAT way of dealing with obsessive thoughts.

Find your silent place.  With me it is within the confines of my home.  It is a place where I can be alone with my thoughts and pray.  I wondered if I could respond to a negative thought in that way. I realize that prayer could also be a fight response.  However, I have learned that prayer is honest, respectful communication with the Lord.

Let go of judgment.  I admit that unfortunately, I can be a judgmental person who often sees things in a negative light.  I would like to see myself in a less judgmental, negative light.  I would also like to see the beauty in me like I do in others whether they are fat, skinny, slim, slender, obese, curvy, or plus sized.

Observe your thoughts.  I finally realize and have no longer begun to just fight the thoughts.  I have to see these thoughts for what they are.  I also have to also see myself for who I am.

Awareness of your environment. I feel like being aware most of the time whenever I get afraid of having a thought or two.  For instance, I was obsessed with a number of people like classmates and celebrities.  I am afraid that I would go back.  On the other hand, I never did go back to these obsessions.

Thankful for the experience.  Being thankful and being grateful I realize can be the same thing, but they are different.  I have become a different person as a result of having these thought.  I am in tune with my spiritual self.  In other words, I have drawn closer to the Lord.  That is something I have noticed.