Fading thoughts

How do I deal with the fading thoughts?  Sometimes I don't deal with them at all.  Other times I realize that I have a ways to go.  The truth is, I have some work to do and some courage to face what comes my way.  I wish that the thoughts gradually arrive.  That way, I can stop these thoughts dead in their tracks.  Sadly, that is not and will not be the case.  I guess that is why the OCD is made worse.  The sudden thoughts can arrive all at once or at one time.  Sometimes, I wonder which is actually worse.  I am just glad that I am at the place where I can say the thoughts are finally fading.

What I have learned

As much as I love for these thoughts to go away, part of them still remain.  I wonder if they will always remain.  I had a crush on someone, but it turned to an obsession.  I would stay up to watch his movies, no matter how bad they are.  I was afraid that once the obsession is gone, I would go back to it.  I have learned that acceptance and not wishing they would go away is the key.  Wishing they would go away is hard work and actually a waste of time.  As much as I hate avoidance, I used to think that it would serve a purpose. However, it was a negative purpose.  Avoidance means to me that my "idol" is the OCD.

I realize and this was hard, that there are a lot of things in this world that is fake, but even though the thoughts are real, and that is hard to realize sometimes, the contents of them are a lie.  Sometimes thoughts are based in reality, but expanded so to speak.  Other times the thoughts are actually extensions and exaggerations of fictional (and sometimes) real situations.  That is what I have learned.

The truth is, it is hard and I have to work hard at it. I know this for real, but I had to realize that no one can truly hide from what is real.  I knew the answers, but I struggled, and struggled, and struggled.  I had no hope except for acceptance.  How do I do that?  By embracing the fact that I will, except by the healing power of Jesus Christ, that I will always have them, but they don't have to be an "idol" that will rule my life.  That is why the thoughts have weakened.  It is such a great feeling but it can be scary being this free because where do I begin now that I am free.  But I have to realize that freedom is great and that there are many things that one can do while they are free.  By the way, I would never want to turn back.

Acceptance of the thoughts I had.

How do I say goodbye to the memory and the residue of these thoughts that I once thoughts that I have?  I know that I have been obsessive with him for over a year.  I have accepted the fact that my obsession is nothing to be proud of.  He was a very handsome man, but no matter how he looks, it is only an obsession. I am so saddened that he is gone, never to return.  I realize that I may come across as crazy but I feel like falling in love with this guy and other things.  The other things is a sign that I am losing it.  I would like to let go.  Goodbye, even though he is like a drug to me.  I need the courage to not just to accept it, but to let him and the thoughts go.

Think about such things...not easy to do but not hard to think about.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Down in the dumps for now.

I am down but not out, thus I am kidding.  I had thoughts yesterday about infidelity.  They were the same fears and cares that scare me.  Why do they scare me so much?  I guess I will never know.  I still have issues with avoidance, even as the thoughts (begin) to fade.  I am afraid that that fear is my problem.  It will be around the corner.  I don't allow myself to be free.  I am not free from this, but will I ever be?  Nothing seems to be manageable at the moment.  It isn't driving me crazy or anything like that; it just is.  Nothing less. Nothing more.

Obsessed about a "Crush"...I guess.

I hope that I am the type of person who is known for being loyal.  Loyalty is such a great quality to have.  I have never betrayed anyone.  I am not trying to hurt anyone.  However, I have questioned whether or not I know how to be a true friend.  Those are questions that I have had and I also wonder if I had obsessive thoughts about that.  I guess that OCD latches on to anything.  I have had obsessive thoughts about many things, and many people.  Crushes can turn into obsessions.  I realize that the "cure" to them is acceptance. It is okay to have positive feeling about someone.  I guess it is even okay to have an innocent crush on someone.  Then there is the normal crush that has become an obsession.  Unfortunately those are hard to break.  I am a brave person to unleash about this.  It was a source of shame and something that I am not proud of.  I have done things I am not proud of.   But hopefully that I will all be in the past as I look forward to the future.

Hello Fear...Goodbye, Fear

I can relate to this song.  I love it.  I have been living in fear for years and it is time for me to truly leave that life behind.  It is liberating.  Fear does not love me back.  It never has.