When I’m anxious about something, this is what I often ask myself. Almost always, the answer is that it won’t matter in a week, let alone in five years.
Some days – even some moments – are life-changing. You’ve probably
been through some of these – like exams, job interviews, the decision to
get married, or buying a house.
Most of what we worry about, though, is fleeting and trivial.
Maybe you’ve made a mistake at work, or you’ve had a dinner crisis
which means your family is eating pizza for the third time in three
days. It’s really not worth stressing yourself over.
Reflection: I guess that there are things that are quite trivial. I never thought of it that way. I have been stuck living in the past. Today is just a new day. It is passing away. Tomorrow is the real gift.
Whatever your current situation, you’ve got loads of great things in
your life too. Some of us (me included!) find it all too easy to moan
about stuff which isn’t going well – but pretty hard to spot the
everyday good things which we take for granted.
Spend five minutes writing a list of things which you’re grateful for.
They can be big (“my parents’ love and support”) or small (“fresh
coffee”). This is a powerful exercise to do on a regular basis, perhaps
every week. You can also do it as a family.
I have tried to consume a 1200 calorie a day diet. However, that has
been more difficult than I thought. I would usually write this down in
another blog, but I realize that it will be okay to write in this blog
as well. I do complain a lot and I was just too tired to fill in
anything. As you can tell from reading this, I am just too tired. My
brain hurts. I will be okay though.
Posts from April, 2017
April 28,2017
Personal interpretation of Deuteronomy 12:1-4
1“These are the statutes and the judgments which you shall
carefully observe in the land which the LORD, the God of your fathers,
has given you to possess as long as you live on the earth. 2“You shall
utterly destroy all the places where the nations whom you shall
dispossess serve their gods, on the high mountains and on the hills and
under every green tree. 3“You shall tear down their altars and smash
their sacred pillars and burn their Asherim with fire, and you shall cut
down the engraved images of their gods and obliterate their name from
that place. 4“You shall not act like this toward the LORD your God."
I have not only shown respect to the Lord by the way I was acting. I
didn't realize that idolatry was a sin that I have committed. I have
since repented of that sin. I didn't realize that allowing myself to be
caught up in the things of the world would constitute idolatry, but it
doesn't. Not spending enough time could be an example of idolatry. I
am very guilty of that form of idolatry. My time like other idolaters
has not been spent on the Lord, but on whoever or whatever is in the
world. That whoever and whatever was a high place that needed to be
broken down. The altars wasn't' in my house but in my mind. That was
not about anxiety, so I won't use that as an excuse. It was about a
choice that I made, which did in turn, cause even greater anxiety. The
Lord wants the divided attention of all of us, no matter where we are
at. My hope is that I am not misinterpreting the Word of God. Being
sacred is about being of God, not of the world. I have not kept some
things sacred and I have since repented of this. I take full
responsibility of my sins. This I am writing because the Lord is
Jealous and wants not just our worship, but our undivided attention.
Prophecies about Jesus
April 11, 2017
"From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must
go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the
chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed
and on the third day be raised to life."
Matthew 16:21
"When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men."
Matthew 17:22
"He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things
and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of
the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again."
Mark 8:31
"They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and
the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were afraid.
Again he took the Twelve aside and told them what was going to happen to
him."
Mark 10:32
"Who has believed what he has heard from us?1
And to whom has hthe arm of the Lord been revealed? 2 For he grew up before him like a young plant,
iand like a root out of dry ground;
jhe had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him. 3 kHe was despised and rejected2 by men,
a man of sorrows 3 and acquainted with4 grief;5
and as one from whom men hide their faces6
he was despised, and lwe esteemed him not. 4 mSurely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
nsmitten by God, and afflicted. 5 oBut he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
pand with his wounds we are healed. 6 qAll we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
rand the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. 7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
syet he opened not his mouth;
tlike a ulamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth. 8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
and as for his generation, vwho considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
stricken for the transgression of my people? 9 And they made his grave with the wicked
wand with a rich man in his death,
although xhe had done no violence,
and there was no deceit in his mouth. 10 Yet yit was the will of the Lord to crush him;
he has put him to grief;7
zwhen his soul makes8 an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
athe will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. 11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see9 and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall bthe righteous one, my servant,
cmake many to be accounted righteous,
dand he shall bear their iniquities. 12 eTherefore I will divide him a portion with the many,10
fand he shall divide the spoil with the strong,11
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
gyet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors."
Isaiah 53:1-12
My overall view on music
March 31, 2007
I just have a deep love of music. Who doesn't, but somehow music
connects me to my problems and my emotions like nothing have. I am
trying to express why music is something I get lost in. I sometimes
listen to music when the mood hits me. However, music makes me normal.
Being bipolar, there is always this line between what is normal and
what is not. It bridges things like emotions, thoughts, and what is
going on in the world. I am so glad that there is such thing as music.
I created this video for I have my own beliefs about who and what is
true and right. I know that there are false prophets in the world and
that there are many true believers in Christ. Is it easy to spot someone
who claims to be a believer but willfully sin and do not care? There is
sin in each of us, so we will not deceive ourselves into thinking we
have none. How would or shall a person minister to others online or ou
There is nothing in the world like taking simple advice seriously. I
have realized that in the past that is all I have done. I have worried
about the present more so because I stayed stuck in the past. I am this
and that and the other. The problem was not really who I am, but I was
stuck tn my past. I am no longer in my 20s and 30s. Now that I am in
my 40s, I have grown older and wiser. I have learned that as a person
in my early 40s, I am young enough, but I am not so young that I cannot
learn from the mistakes I have made in the past, not even the more
recent past. All I have is the present moment and plans to make about
the rest of my life. If my current path doesn't pan out, then be
thankful for the moment and learn from it. I have learned that that is
all I can do.
I have a confession to make. I have a crush on a guy. I have wondered
if I were too old to have a crush on a guy. I am over 40 and I wish to
be married someday. I thought I was a grown up and as far as a number, I
am. However, there is a part of me that is still childish and self
absorbed. I tend to be a selfish person at times. I often pray more
for myself than I do for other people. That is just so sad. I am a
Christian. How can I be so self absorbed? My real guess is that I have
great difficulty praying for other people. I am always in a hurry to
leave. I lack patience since it is not one of my virtues. I want to
learn and grow and finally grow up. I have become too concerned with my
own life and wrapped up in my own problems. Ironically, I am writing
about myself in this blog right now. Not only is it time for me to stop
being so self absorbed but to start seeing myself and the world for
what it truly is and see people for who they truly are. I have formed
opinions based on romantic notions or on what I have heard. Sadly I
have realized that after all of these years that it is no way to live.
It has obviously been a while since I have blogged any entries.
Sometimes there comes a time in a person's life when one has to bite the
bullet. This is my moment of biting the bullet and create a few blog
entries. I have just been exhausted mentally and just stopped caring. I
don't know if it has gotten mundane or something else. I have been
this way for a while now. It has been a long while. I have gotten
older and wiser, but the truth is, I cannot change the past and there
are things that I wish to have back. What I'm saying is while I wish
that I would have the drive and energy I once had, I don't want to go
back to that nor do I wish to be less wise than I am now. I finally
realize that I am typing this, I finally realize what it means to, while
I am still young, my youth is gone. I am at an age where with age,
comes wisdom and a greater confidence than I have ever known. I want to
be more committed to my goals and start caring again. I am at an age
where I have the best of all worlds.
1“These are the statutes and the judgments which you shall
carefully observe in the land which the LORD, the God of your fathers,
has given you to possess as long as you live on the earth. 2“You shall
utterly destroy all the places where the nations whom you shall
dispossess serve their gods, on the high mountains and on the hills and
under every green tree. 3“You shall tear down their altars and smash
their sacred pillars and burn their Asherim with fire, and you shall cut
down the engraved images of their gods and obliterate their name from
that place. 4“You shall not act like this toward the LORD your God."
I have not only shown respect to the Lord by the way I was acting. I
didn't realize that idolatry was a sin that I have committed. I have
since repented of that sin. I didn't realize that allowing myself to be
caught up in the things of the world would constitute idolatry, but it
doesn't. Not spending enough time could be an example of idolatry. I
am very guilty of that form of idolatry. My time like other idolaters
has not been spent on the Lord, but on whoever or whatever is in the
world. That whoever and whatever was a high place that needed to be
broken down. The altars wasn't' in my house but in my mind. That was
not about anxiety, so I won't use that as an excuse. It was about a
choice that I made, which did in turn, cause even greater anxiety. The
Lord wants the divided attention of all of us, no matter where we are
at. My hope is that I am not misinterpreting the Word of God. Being
sacred is about being of God, not of the world. I have not kept some
things sacred and I have since repented of this. I take full
responsibility of my sins. This I am writing because the Lord is
Jealous and wants not just our worship, but our undivided attention.
"Love the LORD, all his faithful people! The LORD preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full."
Love is something that is not jealous. Furthermore, jealousy is about
fear and about coveting. I guess. I am trying to be wise.
Furthermore, I am trying to be right about the interpretation of God's
Word. One of the worst thing anyone can do is to misinterpret
scripture. That I believe is why false prophets and false teachers are
flourishing in the planet. They deceive the flock by twisting the Word
of God for often times financial gain. Where is the love in deception,
much less jealousy? The only jealousy that is not about fear and
coveting is about the Jealousy of God. We are to not just be true, but
to love God with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strengths. All of
it. God is a Jealous God who wants us to divide all of our attentions
to Him. After all, Jesus paid all of His attention to us. That is what I
finally realize today. We as Christians are to be Jealous for the
Lord, because He is Jealous towards us. That is what true love is all
about.
Over the years, these videos have been created out of love for my fellow man, and woman. It hasn't always been so easy to reach out those online with these messages. The messages contained in these videos I would like to able to reach. We as Christians are to fulfill the Great Commission. Many in the Church witness to others through tracts, videos, and literally loud and clear to the world at large. Let us as believers be not ashamed.
I come with no wrapping or pretty pink bows. I am who I am from my head to my toes. I tend to get loud when speaking my mind. Even a little crazy some of the time. I'm not a size 5 and don't care to be. You can be you and I can be me. I try to stay strong when pain knocks me down. And the times that I cry is when no ones around. To error is human or so that's what they say. Well tell me who's perfect anyway.
his is an interesting question: how does a person with bipolar
disorder think? Of course, it’s hard for me to compare it with your
average person as I have bipolar disorder. I don’t have the two thought
processes in my one brain to compare.
This is not to say that we all think the same way; nevertheless, I do
have some ideas on how people with bipolar disorder think that seem to
stand out amongst the “normals.”
Obsessive Bipolar Thoughts
Your average person may have obsessive thoughts, now and then, I don’t know, but what I do know is that people with bipolar disorder have obsessive thoughtsa lot of the time.
These obsessive bipolar thoughts may be a repeating song from the
radio, scenarios (such as a suicide scene) or a replaying of events
(often negative ones), but obsessive thoughts seem to be the rule rather
than the exception.
It
seems to me that simply by the virtue of extreme emotional experience,
people with bipolar disorder think in the extreme quite frequently.
Everything feels like the end of the world (catastrophizing).
We’re not upset, we’re depressed. We’re not suspicious, we’re paranoid.
We’re not happy, we’re elated. And, of course, there are all the
thoughts that go along with these things. If our boyfriend looks at
another girl he must be cheating. If we have a disagreement with a friend they must hate us. If we’re criticized at work we must
be getting fired. It’s not that we don’t necessarily understand these
things aren’t reasonable; it’s just that we can’t help the way our brain
thinks, the way it leaps.
Not everyone jumps to the extremes, but people with bipolar seem to have that tendency.
Making plans is something I am good at. It has almost become a skill of mine. However, I feel that I have made so many that things have gotten too overwhelming. Life became overwhelming. To me, the answer is being a Godly woman who basically agreed to do what is hard and keep it simple. Most things don't come as easily as they used to. I am tempted to create another plan, but it would not be in my best interest. I realize that the best laid plans are just that, best laid.
My baby's always dancin' and it wouldn't be a bad thing
But I don't get no lovin' and that's no lie
We spent the night in Frisco at every kinda disco
From that night I kissed our love goodbye
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
That nasty boogie bugs me, but somehow how it has drugged me
Spellbound rhythm gets me on my feet
I've changed my life completely, I've seen the lightning leave me
And my baby just can't take her eyes off me
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
Don't you blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie, woo
I just can't, I just can't
I just can't control my feet
I just can't, I just can't (Yeah)
I just can't (Woo) control my feet
I just can't, I just can't
I just can't control my feet
I just can't, I just can't
I just can't control my feet
Sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
This magic music grooves me, that dirty rhythm fools me
The devil's gotten to me through this dance
I'm full of funky fever, a fire burns inside me
Boogie's got me in a super trance
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
Don't you blame it sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the boogie
Fibromyalgia & Bipolar Spectrum Disorder: A Shared Pathophysiology May Lead to Better Drug Targets
March 21, 2016
By Lara C. Pullen, PhD
Fibromyalgia is a chronic, disabling condition associated with psychological distress, sleep disturbances and fatigue. Interestingly, many of these symptoms overlap with those of bipolar spectrum disorder. Moreover, accumulating evidence suggests that a shared pathophysiological process may underlie the overlap in symptoms. Beatrice Bortolato, MD, director of psychiatric medicine at Veneto Orientale in Italy, and colleagues published their review of the evidence of the association between fibromyalgia and bipolar spectrum disorder in the February 2016 issue of Current Molecular Medicine.1 In their review, the authors suggest that a better understanding of the potential biological underpinning shared by fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder may lead to the identification of novel drug targets.
One such thought-provoking example is the observation that individuals with fibromyalgia, as well as individuals with bipolar spectrum disorder, appear to have an overactivation of the kynurenine pathway that drives tryptophan away from the production of serotonin and melatonin. This overactivation can lead to affective symptoms, circadian rhythm disturbances and abnormalities in processing pain. Several studies have also provided evidence of a disturbed stress response in individuals with fibromyalgia and bipolar spectrum disorder. This second observation led the authors to suggest that a dysfunctional hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis may be important for the pathophysiology of both fibromyalgia and bipolar spectrum disorder.
Although some research has been performed in the area of melatonin, immune dysfunction and genetic substrates, the bulk of the research implicating a shared pathophysiological pathway between fibromyalgia and bipolar spectrum disorder comes from brain imaging studies. In addition to identifying overlapping structural manifestations, the results suggest that both disorders are associated with impaired neuroplasticity.
Structure
Typically, fibromyalgia is considered the result of aberrant pain transmission, in general, and a dysregulation of descending regulatory pain pathways, in particular. This conclusion is supported by magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) studies of individuals with fibromyalgia that revealed a decrease in gray matter density in areas of the brain involved with pain transmission and processing. Functional MRI has also demonstrated that individuals with fibromyalgia have greater activation of the pain matrix areas of the brain when compared with healthy controls. Finally, magnetic resonance spectroscopy has revealed that individuals with fibromyalgia have alterations in the activity of the insula, the cingulate cortex, the amygdala and the nucleus accumbens.
Although imaging studies of fibromyalgia patients appear to form a clear pattern, generalizing the images of individuals with bipolar disorder syndrome can be more challenging because the patient population is heterogeneous with regard to duration of illness and treatment status. Nevertheless, imaging studies of individuals with bipolar spectrum disorder suggest some structural and functional abnormalities in the prefrontal cortices (PFC). Additionally, patients have significantly decreased volume in the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and increased volume in the amygdala. The increased amygdala volume is associated with heightened activity, particularly during mania. Studies that use diffusion tensor imaging revealed that patients with bipolar disorder also have altered connectivity between the subgenual ACC and the amygdala, the frontal and occipital cortices, the insula and the thalamus.
Monday morning - Nine O'clock - coffee going cold
Just sitting here thinking about our plans for growing old
We dreamed that we would travel more to places never seen
We’d take long walks along the beach and watch the waves roll in
We'd stroll back to our little home flower garden - picket fence
Then my thoughts return to now and nothing's making sense
All those years of making plans and waiting for the day
When we would start enjoying life - it all just slips away
Last weekend we had dinner out – did chores 'cause we were off
Sunday morning I went to church - you played a round of golf
I'm trying to remember now - what was it that we said -
Memories and so much more are spinning in my head
You said, 'Honey, what time is dinner', and, 'Don't worry if I'm late -
Oh, and just-in-case I meet a friend, Could you set an extra plate? '
You put your arms around me and looked into my eyes
We never ever - ever dreamed that’d be our last goodbye
All those years of making plans and waiting for the day
When we'd spend time together - it all just slips away
The table was set for three, the cooking was all done
There was nothing left to do but watch the setting sun
Just moments after darkness fell – someone at the door
A man in blue was telling me you won't be home anymore
All those years of making plans and waiting for the day
When we would start enjoying life - it all just slips away
All those years of making plans and waiting for the day
When we'd spend time together - it all just slips away
-Monday evening - Nine O'clock - Got through my first day
And just like all those plans we made - time just slipped away
