Past two days

These past 48 hours have shown me that I have blessed by God.  I have a long way to go, but I finally realize that my body is the only body that I have.  That is all I had to know.  I wish I knew this all along.  I really wish I knew this.  I am okay though.

The roots of the problem

I have yet to identify why I eat so much.  As a matter of fact, I am ashamed of the fact that no matter how hard I try, I feel like a failure.  I wait for something or someone to come along to help me.  I have become weak and lazy as I approach midlife.  I am scared that I will never lose the weight that I so wish to lose.  I have no set goals and it has always been that way for years now.  What ever problems that occurred in the past are still dogging me today.  I haven't liked myself in years and my weight has been a reason why. I look at pictures and deep down I am envious.  I wanted to look a certain way.  I wanted to look like I did in high school.  I am ashamed because I weight a whole lot more now than when I was in better health.  I need help.

"Grandpa (Tell Us About the Good 'Ol Days)" by the Isaacs

To me, the good ol' days was when The Four Horsemen often wrestled Dusty Rhodes, Magnum TA, or The Rock n' Roll Express.  Maybe that match happened.  Hopefully that did happen.  The truth is life seemed much simpler.  Wrestling seemed so much better.  I enjoy today's wrestling but as a lifelong fan, I miss things the way they were.  Hopefully, I will be able to have children who will have children, etc.  Maybe I should tell them about the good old days, not just about wrestling, but about all I know.  It would be great to pass wisdom on to the next generation, or two.

Ask Myself.

Ask myself.
What am I thankful for?  I have a lot to be thankful for?
What could I change?  Why do I always seem to whine and complain?
What is the heart of the matter as to why I have the outlook on life I have?
Where do I begin?
Ask myself.

To count my blesssings

I have wondered about a tired mind.  I do wonder if there if it is still such a thing as a tired mind.  Maybe it is a fog or a little cloud I have been under.  Tired mind is the only thing that I can describe it.  I have grown tired of just pushing through.  However today, I am actually okay.  Lately, I finally realize that it is more than time to be renewed.  It doesn't help that staying asleep and thinking about the unattainable doesn't help.  I guess the best thing to do in that situation is to count my blessings.

Could it be?

I am still struggling.  I will hopefully be okay.  Right now, I just fell out and my muscles jerked.  I need help.  I jut don't know what to do or who to talk to about this.  I tend to fall asleep at the computer especially.  Could I have narcolepsy?  I have spent a lot of the day asleep.  My hope is that I will get better.  Sometimes I just wonder about a lot of things.  Maybe it is time to stop wondering and time to take action.

At the moment,

At the moment, I am taking a break.  I hope to make another entry tomorrow.